The Cafe and Diner Archives - Narration

The Cafe and Diner Archives - Narration

Project Overview

The Cafe and Diner Archives is a web-based unfiction series about a group of Cryptid and Demon hunters/experts who masquerade as a generic combination Cafe and Diner franchise. They have faced off against the likes of the Mothman, Dover Demon, Shadowman, Princes of Hell, Indrid Cold, and many other characters from urban legends and mythology. The main cast consists of over 30+ characters and as of right now there have been over 500 reports for a total word count of 180,000.

Payment: This is a project I do for fun and I have no intention of turning it into a for-profit endeavor. So, there isn't much of a budget I can offer. However, for characters who have very long reports, hard to read reports, or require unique voice talents, I'm happy to discuss a reasonable compensation. 

Goal: The goal of this project is to have some, or maybe all, of the reports from the most recent story arc, The Devil Will Drag Us Under, voiced and posted to Youtube or TikTok to help spread the story outside of the website. This story arc is 108 reports long at about 48,000 words. On average each lead role has about 1,000-3,000ish words to read.

Requirements: Any mic or experience level is fine! This is just a for-fun project. No serious commitment is required or expected. 

Attribution: If you know anything about ARGs/Unficition you might also know that attribution can be tricky. However, I've worked out a perfect way to incorporate whatever you might want to be your attribution in the description of the videos, so you don't need to worry about going uncredited for your work!

If you have any questions or want to read all of the material of certain character please feel free to reach out to me on Discord at Ash_Black#8888 

Latest Updates

  • Shortlisting and Theme Song?!?

    Hey everyone! Thank you all so much for the interest in my passion project. It means the world to me. There's been a major influx of new auditions over the past few days. All the ones that I feel were good and could work are being shortlisted so I can decide in a few days. So if you're waiting to know if you got cast or not just hang tight! Additionally, being on the shortlist for this project means you might still get asked to to record if someone else drops out, as it is a volunteer based project and people may come and go based on how busy they are/get.

    In other AMAZING news, the Cafe and Diner now has a freaking theme/credit song! You can hear it at the end of this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK_Kb5S977Q

  • First proof-of-concept video is done!

    While it might not be the 100% final product and things are still subject to change, I'm excited to show a peek at the general direction this project is heading!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9aGGx049t4

Project Roles: No. 1 No. 2 No. 3 No. 4 No. 5 No. 6 No. 7 No. 17 No. 26 No. 44 No. 323 No. 2312 No. 71 No. 224 No. 422 No. 512 No. 1313 No. 53 No. 62 No. 116 No. 161 No. 611 Rasputin/Dovmont Ray Miss. Cece Satan Theo Mr. Wandsun Mrs. Wandsun Edgar Lane Dover Shaka
No. 1
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 1
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: ✮⋆˙raven

No. 1 is the leader of the Cafe and Diner and has worked there since 1995. She has seen Cafes rise and fall, friends die, secrets burn, coffee go cold. She's tired, she's worn out, and now she's been thrust into the role of leader. I like to think she has a raspy voice, but anything sort of deadpan and dead inside is great. In this story arc she's been forced to make friends with some very unfriendly people to keep the Cafe going.

  • (The opening lines of the story arc, where one might find excitement, No. 1 is just tired)

    "Hello everyone. Servers and patrons alike. Friends too, though I’d rather skip the pleasantries for them."

  • (Here, No. 1 is trying to justify why she let the Cafe and Diner merge with their long-term enemy the Astoria 23rd Agency)

    "The main advantage of this unlikely partnership is access to the latest and greatest cafe equipment. The kind that can make a cup of coffee that really gets you where you need to be."

  • (No. 1 is somewhat nostalgic about losing the Church where her first supernatural adventures really took place)

    "Well, I wish I could say I’ll miss that old church, but to be honest, it’s got more bad memories than good."

Save This Role Hear all 3 Apply / Audition
No. 2
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 2
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Connor Bushoven

No. 2 has been with the Cafe and Diner since he was a teen in 1995. He has often operated as a double-agent working for the enemy for the good of the Cafe. He's a bit of weirdo, absolutely obsessed with aliens, his listed favorite food is "microwaved things," and he grew up in a family of witches as the only non-magic user. He's a bit of know-it-all nerd but he's also very serious when it comes to matters non-extraterrestrial in origin. 

  • (No. 2 is excited here by the prospects of finding proof of Aliens) 

    "I know no one really believes that this could be Aliens. And I must say I've had my doubts too. Though, we are running out of explanations, both scientific and magical."

  • (Said with all the confidence in the world.) 

    "You can not tell me that this isn’t a car waiting to be parked. The signs are all there. And baby, I’m a goddamn valet."

  • (No. 2 is speaking very factually here, though he is also talking about his dead sister.) 

    "Jean and Nicole are no longer with us. Which… complicates things. The good news is my blood should work more or less the same as Nicole's, but… Jean's blood would be a bit harder to imitate."

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No. 3
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 3
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Holly Maxam

No. 3 is the second-youngest manager of the Cafe and Diner, having come in to ownership of the previous incarnation of the Cafe and Diner thanks to aide of mysterious investor. No. 3 is probably the most grounded character, having only been in the world of the supernatural for about 5 or so years now. She feels immense pressure to keep everyone safe having had some of her previous employees die and her own Cafe burnt to the ground. Despite this, she still has a certain pep-in-her-step and sassy remark to make.

  • (Exasperated, was almost killed by a ghost-demon-thing) 

    "Well, no thanks to 53; we made it out okay. However, I feel like we are farther than ever with understanding the elusive Mrs. Hanako. If you aren't already caught up, go and read 53's ramblings. Caught up? Good."

  • (Just fought off a hoard of frozen zombie clowns) 

    "Well, I think I could probably go the rest of my whole life without seeing another clown. And here I thought the Wall Clowns were bad, but these Frozen Clowns, jeez. Creepy, cold, and gross. "

  • (Her love-interest has spent the past two months searching for her biological parents and they have come up empty. She's heartbroken she couldn't help any further in her search) 

    "In any case, we’re out of options. At least I’m out of ways I can help. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop helping… I’m just out of resources and ideas."

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No. 4
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 4
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: salazar79

No. 4 is a stoic ex-cryptid hunter who has spent most of his life trying to keep his literal inner-demons at bay. He is very matter-of-fact. I imagine him with a pretty deep voice, and while he is Hispanic, the accent doesn't need to be pronounced or exaggerated as he did not grow up in Hispanic household, he grew up in a weird cult.

  • (No. 4 is fairly monotone. He just describes things as they happened.)

    "Got the little guys home. I can see why the extra assistance was needed. No. 35 and 53 had done a good job keeping the Demon Flyers trapped in a pit trap with lights at the top."

  • (No. 4 is still speaking very matter-of-factly, but there's a hint of smugness in his tone.)

    "5 has recommended against looking under the bowling alley in advance. I disagree. So, I looked under the bowling alley. "

  • (No. 4 might be a man of little words, but sometimes he does have a lot to say. Still just stating facts though.)

    "While I agree it would be impractical for any original Cafe and Diner staff to accompany her, we’ve also got our hands tied a bit with our own problems at the moment."

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No. 5
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 5
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: The_Numismatist

No. 5 has been described as the washed-up warlock of the Managers. He is easily the most powerful member of the group having spent most of his life playing with dark and dangerous magic. He's British, if you didn't catch if from his vocal mannerisms. He used to speak with a fake Cockney accent to further hide his identity but he has since dropped it for his more natural southern accent after his girlfriend died twice.

  • (No. 5's long-term girlfriend died only a few months ago. And it has hit him HARD seeing as he spent the equivalent of 15 years searching for her in the afterlife only for her to decline coming back to life)

    "Right, well... bloody hell. I can’t believe she’s dead. Well, “functionally” dead. I can’t believe me and Nick spent nine months searching the Flipside, Otherside, Underside, Topside, and bloody Limbo just for her and her new boy toy to commit Bird-Assisted suicide."

  • (No. 5 is describing how a spell went wrong and didn't actually hurt an Eldritch entity, just piss it off)

    "Getting impaled by a magic spear would piss anyone right off, I'd think. The point is, it did not WEAKEN her like we expected it to."

  • (No. 5 is talking about the eldritch curse he has been infected with for the past 15ish years)

    "Heaven and Hell, even Jean was nearly consumed by it more than once. It’s ruthless, restless, and remorseless."

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No. 6
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 6
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Avni_Xaxa

No. 6 has been described as a free-spirited bohemian of sorts. She's into the more spiritual side of the supernatural, reading tea-leaves, vibing with crystals, and staring in to flames. She was raised in a cult and as such has some strange mannerisms and a very carefree, born to be scarified, mentality. She has a bit of soft breathy voice.

  • (Just a casual read)

    "So, we got quite a few patron responses to 5's question, huh? That's, like, fantastic. It gives me a lot to work with for sure."

  • (No. 6 talking about a rather annoying customer)

    "Ok, so wow, I think Robert has like “anger issues.” I was kinda hoping his new GF would’ve mellowed him out a bit more… but alas, he is still a very disturbing little freak."

  • (No. 6 recounting her weird sad cult-y childhood)

    "So, who was going to be that empty vessel? Well.. it was supposed to be “Joy Livingstone.” Born and raised in the cult to fulfill that twisted fate."

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No. 7
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 7
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: soupjeggings

No. 7 is the youngest Manager of the Cafe and Diner. She is normally a very bubbly extraverted person who speaks/writes with a bit of a valley accent. However, in this story arc she has to process some seriously heavy emotions and as such she's not quite as bubbly as she normally would be. 

  • (No. 7 is talking about her parents with whom she has a somewhat strained relationship, but she is still trying to be positive. Also I usually just pronounce CaD as one word but you could also go with Cee-A-Dee.)

    "I know this seems like, uh, hm… not “CaD” related. But I should also probably mention that my parents are pretty big coffee nuts."

  • (No. 7 has completely lost hope at this point)

    "It’s pointless. It feels like I’ve been chasing a dream. Every time I think I can reach it, it’s miles away. Now it’s time to wake up."

  • (No. 7 is bittersweet about finding out the truth about her parents, but alas, they are both dead and she is torn up.)

    "And my dad. He was here. I could’ve reached out and touched him. He was right here just a few months ago. If I had known sooner, I would have burned each moment I spent with him into my memory, heart, and soul… And now… Now he’s gone."

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No. 17
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 17
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Argo

No. 17 was born and raised in New Orleans and would probably have a bit of a New Orleans drawl to him. Though, it's not critical to his character or anything. He KNOWS THINGS. That's his whole character, he knows way more than he should and he is sworn to silence on most things. He's 70 something years old and speaks with a dry and morbid sense of humor. 

  • (No. 17 almost always speaks with a mildly sinister mysterious tone)

    To list them all might be a bit pedantic, no? The point I am trying to make is, what is one more boogieman to kill?

  • (No. 17 almost always speaks with a mildly sinister mysterious tone)

    Dark times seem to have fallen once more in these hallowed halls, eh? We’ve been packing up our equipment as fast as we possibly can, but day after day, night after long dark night, this church is slowly slipping into Hell itself.

  • (No. 17 almost always speaks with a mildly sinister mysterious tone)

    Would you like the good news first or the bad? Ah, not that the order would change things, eh?

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No. 26
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 26
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: gd-vo

No. 26 is a 200-300 year old witch who is deeply madly in love with his wife. He has an insatiable passion for life. He spent the better part of the last 50 years working as an actuary and now his lust for a dark crusade has boiled over. He is 100% dad-vibes. He is a character you could ham up quite a bit. 

  • (Dad energy dad energy dad energy)

    "Gadzooks things are getting more and more demonic by the day here. It's starting to remind me of the Vile City with all these demons running around. Peanut butter and jelly on toast, we need to figure out a new base and fast."

  • (No. 26 spent 50ish years working for the Astoria 23rd Agency, quit for a few months, and now works there again. He is... slightly annoyed.)

    "There you have it, folks, back at Astoria. Jumping Jehoshaphat, I was not expecting to be back under the Lighthouse so soon after quitting."

  • (No. 26 has sworn a blood-feud with the family Myerscough who also sells paranormal insurance.)

    "These days, I'm guessing they're getting their paranormal insurance through the Myerscoughs. Which, by the by, is some of the worst insurance I've ever seen. You want to get scammed, buy Myerscough."

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No. 44
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 44
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Sarah Lyn

No. 44 is the wife of No. 26 and is also a 200-300 year old witch. While her husband is bombastic and boisterous, she is elegance, mystique, and serenity. She is the mom who never yelled, but could send a shiver down your spine with a single look. Her favorite decade aesthetically was the 50's and she's held onto a lot of the mannerisms and vocal inflections of that era.

  • (No. 44 likes to feign an airy confusion but she is one of the oldest members and most knowledgeable about the supernatural.)

    "It would seem that the Cafe and Diner in Long Beach have been, hm, what’s the best way to put it... invited? We have been invited to serve a new customer."

  • (Mom energy mom energy mom energy)

    "My goodness. It occurred to me the other day that we talk a lot about the Cold, but I don’t believe we’ve given a formal introduction to all four of them yet."

  • (No. 44 is not happy about being talked about behind her back.)

    "I've overheard a few whispers lately. It would seem there is some question as to No. 26 and I's loyalty to the Cafe and Diner now that Satan has returned. While it is true that No. 26 and myself are witches and served Satan, it was many years ago."

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No. 323
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 323
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Mjk

No. 323 is a returning employee of the Cafe and Diner. He originally left to learn more about himself and his role in the supernatural world and has come back more refined and mature. There's really no specifics on how he should be voiced.

  • (No. 323 is not sad here, he's just still processing new information about his powers and himself.)

    "Well… No sign of Dover in the House. Sorry, No. 5. I mean, he might be somewhere else in the uh… outer parts of the House. “The Phantom Lane,” … I guess. Still trying to wrap my head around the whole concept."

  • (No. 323 is the master of the House on Dracula Drive, a supernatural House that was left to him by his father who died in it.)

    I’ve grown pretty... well, I guess “close” would be the right word. I’ve grown close to the House. 

  • (No. 323 is ready to take on some Zombie Clowns)

    "Anyway, enough of the obligatory receipt rambling. We’re here to kill some clowns."

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No. 2312
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 2312
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: The Game Jockey

No. 2312 is a returning employee of the Cafe and Diner. He started working for the Cafe as a teen in 1992 and then mysteriously disappeared until 2021. It is rumored he has faked his death on numerous occasions and is a firm believer in every conspiracy theory and a staunch debunker of every conspiracy theory. He's a bit of an odd-ball, though it can be hard to tell what is and isn't his actual personality. 

  • (No. 2312 is not exactly happy that CaD re-released Satan.)

    "Happy Halloween, the Dark Prince has returned. I didn’t vote for him personally, but, hey, I get it."

  • (No. 2312 role in CaD primarily revolves around cover-ups, and he knows he's good at cover-ups.)

    "Will the morning staff be concerned about the fire damage and occult sigils everywhere? Yes. Will they think it was a teen’s Halloween prank? Oh, I’ll ensure that they do."

  • (No. 2312 often enjoys his unique position of being a known liar)

    "I know No. 1 was a bit vague, but the nice thing about me is you can either trust me or be smart. So I can say whatever I like."

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No. 71
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 71
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Nikki

No. 71 is the sitcom loving up-and-coming witch of the group. She was born with strange powers that led her to join the 3rd Cafe and Diner. She's since been a key-member when it comes to secret-affairs within the organization. She has no distinct vocal characteristics other than she is usually pretty up-beat. 

  • (No. 71 usually is a bit tongue-in-cheek)

    "So, our branch is located in sunny and hellish Florida, around Palm Beach. You probably could piece that much together, huh?"

  • (No. 71 is often pretty exaggerated in her speech)

    "But, but, but, I have been called on by name, by none other than one of our friendliest of friends, THE PHANTOM. Why? Well, it's uh, complicated. Or maybe just a secret. Or maybe a bit of both."

  • (One of the more rare moments where No. 71 is more reserved and shy is when she talks about her powers)

    "I don’t know if I’ve ever really talked about my powers at length before. I’m not even sure if everyone knows about them."

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No. 224
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 224
closed
Unpaid
cast offsite

No. 224 is also known as the Loveland Frogman, or Mr. Loveland. He is a four-foot tall hyperactive frog who can speak any language. Do you have to speak any language? No. He rarely has more than 2-3 lines in a non-English language and his pronunciation doesn't have to be the best. If you've seen the video of the German kid who drinks cola and plays Fortnite, that's kind of what I imagine him to sound like. 

  • (No. 224 is very happy to see his friend again)

    "WOW!! IT HAS BEEN A VERY EXCELLENT DAY!! I was not expecting, and I say this very truthfully, that I was not expecting this, ok, I was NOT expecting to see my good buddy Theo again so soon!"

  • (While No. 224 is lying here, he always speaks very earnestly)

    " In that way, me and Theo, we are very similar, I think. I, too, am very busy all the time with many things going on."

  • (No. 224 is a very vain little creature and thinks very highly of himself)

    "I did not want Padre or his nasty friends to recognize me because I am simply very famous."

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No. 422
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 422
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Jan_Liton

No. 422, also known as the Serpent of Eden, is very much so a literal snake. If you could do the thing with the sss's that would be great. He has been around since practically forever and takes great joy in lying and sowing mischief about. He's also similar to Bender from Futurama in that he subsists off of alcohol, while he isn't always drunk he's always tipsy at least.

  • "Way to twist my tail on this one."

  • "You see, there is this presentation I found a flyer to. If we go and listen to the whole 60-minute pitch, we get a set of free golf clubs."

  • "Bowie didn’t decide to do Ziggy; Ziggy just happened."

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No. 512
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 512
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: GemS

No. 512 is a recently undead bubbly devout catholic. She is extremely soft spoken and easily excitable. She has taken the whole being undead thing in stride, but what else can you really do? She is the youngest member of the Cafe and Diner and also the least experienced but she always tries her hardest. 

  • (No. 512 got to meet an Angel, Theo, in person and was very excited.)

    "OH! MY! GOODNESS!! How exciting!!! This has been an amazing month, and I feel so blessed to have gotten to meet Theo."

  • (As a devout catholic, No. 512 is none-too-amused that Satan is pretending to be a priest.)

    "So… that was pretty… blasphemous. I mean, I know that Padre (who is Satan) used to masquerade as a catholic priest, but I guess seeing it in person is a whole different experience."

  • (No. 512 is not thrilled about drinking Satan's blood, but realizes how important it is to stop his plans)

    "The memories… Satan’s memories… they’ll only get stronger the more blood I can drink."

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No. 1313
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 1313
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: torchide

No. 1313 is a spooky goth poet. She probably sounds like any stereotypical goth... raspy, deadpan, and spooky. Almost all of her lines are poems and would be read as such though she doesn't infuse any of her own emotions into her works.

  • (Read with no particular emotion)

    "Round the filter, pour it slow. Figure eights from gooseneck go. Wet the paper, add the grounds. Let it bloom and seep its browns. From the gooseneck, trickle eights. Open now these hellish gates."

  • (Read with no particular emotion)

    "So with the dagger deep in heart. Fast we approach a brand new start. For weaving woes is quite the art. And Fate thanks all who play their part."

  • (Read with no particular emotion)

    "This scene which I have pondered might just cause me to wander from my peninsular post. If it is as I fear, we are not anywhere near where Mr. Lucia may leer. "

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No. 53
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 53
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: JustNikki

No. 53 is the Cafe and Diner's other main cover-up expert. Her whole job is to "sell the coffee." Everything she does and says is constantly in air quotes and for every truth she says she tacks on an extra two lies. Her main way of covering up her half-truths is to be as bombastic and off the wall as possible. Other than her high energy her speech has no other specific characteristics. 

  • (No. 53 is in over her head again.)

    "Ohhhhkay, so not having a vibe here today, I can say that much."

  • (No. 53 is telling a very obvious lie)

    "I sold ‘em some nice hot coffee, as per my specialty. Basically, we’re here for “”””radon testing”””” if anyone asks."

  • (Weirdest report of the story arc. No. 53 just rambled for a bit... or does she?)

    "Guess I should actually talk about something now. Or not. I don’t know. Do you care? Does anyone actually read or check these?"

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No. 62
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 62
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: SecretCode

No. 62 is the tech-whiz of the Cafe and Diner. He speaks very casually and is very nerdy/geeky, but not like squeaky nerd but like deep voice brings his laptop to play games on it at school nerdy. If you've seen Venture Bros I kind of think he sounds like Henchman 21.

  • (No. 62 is a pretty goofy guy)

    "Heyo itsa me, 62. I know; it must be spooky seeing a 02 receipt but not a 01. Rest assured, I am not a mind reader."

  • (Being the only tech-literate member of the Cafe and Diner certainly brings up some exasperated IT worker vibes)

    "So that’s what I’m missing. Which is kinda the most crucial piece of data… haha."

  • (Haunt-ar-scald-e-n, if you need help with that word. Anyway, No. 62 has been roped into collecting data for other members)

    "Side note, Blood reading also came up zip for Hauntaurskaldian Blood, so Dover hasn’t been near the House at all. No clue where he’s at."

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No. 116
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 116
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: daruther

No. 116 is a gay cowboy cryptid hunter. Need I say more? He's got a very twangy Texan accent. 

  • (Just a casual read)

    "Howdy, y'all. Love the new CaDCom header, by the way. Mighty slick if 'n 'ya ask me."

  • (No. 116 is a bit exasperated by both Covid19 and also the limitation of not being able to teleport any more)

    "Plus, with the whole global pandemic whatchamacallit, it’s just too dang much."

  • (A rare moment where the twangy-upbeat cowboy is a bit more somber.)

    "And of course, we talk about our parents from time to time. Mine hate me, and hers are distant, lots of room for bonding, I reckon."

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No. 161
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 161
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: torchide

Poor No. 161 only got one report in this story arc. She is very... meme-y? She rarely takes her job seriously and is prone to poking into dark and forbidden magic for fun. I would say she has a similar cadence to like Tiny Tina from Borderlands. 

  • (Please don't mind the grammatical errors, it's No. 161's "style.")

    "thats right babies GLAMORS! the NUMBER ONE trick doctors don't want you to know about."

  • (Please don't mind the grammatical errors, it's No. 161's "style.")

    "i think a glamor is def the best way to help out the bugul noz."

  • (Please don't mind the grammatical errors, it's No. 161's "style.")

    "i feel like 26 or 44 HAVE to know how to make them cuz they are like old OLD school witches."

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No. 611
Voice Actor Voice Actor
No. 611
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: musicalmaniac

No. 611 is a musical-fanatic and also just a normal dude. He's a bog standard kinda guy. Any voice or characteristics would probably fit him well as he was originally a sort of "reader-insert" type of character.

  • (Just a casual read)

    "Well. It’s not great news. Those Dover Lights, or Mr. Bartlett, or whatever we’re calling it/them (I am sort of lost at this point, to be honest), uh… those things."

  • (No. 611 is slightly amused/annoyed at this revelation)

    "So what we have now is a glamor that makes you look like a four-foot-tall frogman unless you already look like a four-foot-tall frogman."

  • (Just a casual read)

    "The only reason I mention it is I did some searching around, and people are claiming to have seen strange lights in the sky all over."

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Rasputin/Dovmont
Voice Actor Voice Actor
Rasputin/Dovmont
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Bavarian dwarf

It's Rasputin baby! Notoriously hard to kill, he helped the Cafe and Diner serve Miss. Crawford. Just a bog standard sinister Russian mystical man kind of voice would do. He has about 7 or so lines. It would also be great if the person who took this role could also read the 5 or so lines from Dovmont, a Russian member of a rival supernatural organization. Dovmont would have a younger voice, but still Russian. 

  • Ah, Pogodnyy Zver’. The Great Dragon of the West. So, your institution has failed to keep it contained?

  • Your snake, it talks?

  • Bah! I care not if you have played idle games with the lesser undying.

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Ray
Voice Actor Voice Actor
Ray
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Jpacting

Ray is the sole member of Division X-Ray of the Astoria 23rd Agency. His job is to clean up supernatural gore and stuff. He shows up for one report to have a chat with No. 422. Despite his outlandish job, he is a very normal average kind of guy. 

  • "Yeah, technically, Astoria’s not supposed to conduct operations out here due to the whole West Virginia Concord."

  • "Yeah, I don’t know much about the politics of this stuff, though."

  • "Beats me, buddy. The concord, from what I understand, is not black and white."

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Miss. Cece
Voice Actor Voice Actor
Miss. Cece
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Vivi Vacious

Miss Cece, also known as El Coco, is the oldest boogieman and sought to resurrect Satan. She has a few lines in one of the reports. Anything creepy, demonic, or otherworldly would be great. I might also use a voice filter if needed.

  • "Oh come now, No. 1, I jest. I’m glad we were able to resolve this without any unpleasantries."

  • "Ha. Boogiemen are not friends. Their undoing was the fault of their own weakness."

  • "My, my, isn’t it a bit late to still be up?"

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Satan
Voice Actor Voice Actor
Satan
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: The_Numismatist

It's Satan. You probably know Satan. Big mean guy. He has a handful of lines in one report and I'm just looking for someone with a deep, raspy, or sinister voice. Also if I need to use a voice filter to make it more demonicy that's fine. 

  • "Impressive. I would have thought my regents were stronger than that. I won’t make that mistake again."

  • "Cain? Of course, that backstabbing half-brother- I would kill him if I could."

  • "Little Lucy’s plans backfired again? Unsurprising."

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Theo
Voice Actor Voice Actor
Theo
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: ChingMK

Theo is an androgynous Angel who used to work for the Cafe and Diner. They have returned to make sure the Cafe isn't causing too much trouble seeing as they've released Satan and what not. Theo has a very soft and level voice and in addition to a few lines, has two reports of their own.

  • "Be not afraid. Not that you had much to fear from me anyhow. "

  • "Now, you are releasing Satan and keeping unspeakable entities in your basements."

  • "My best advice would be to stop rocking the damn boat before the Devil drags you, and everyone else, under."

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Mr. Wandsun
Voice Actor Voice Actor
Mr. Wandsun
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Skadi

Mr. Wandsun is No. 7's "dad." He doesn't show an particular emotion and only has a handful of lines.

  • "So, you’re officially part of the Cafe and Diner, then?"

  • "Yes… difference. Things are certainly changing. Did you hear about what the Cafe did on the 31st?"

  • "I see. So you put it to a vote to release Padre to get his Key back to him? Is that right?"

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Mrs. Wandsun
Voice Actor Voice Actor
Mrs. Wandsun
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: moorenarration

Mrs. Wandsun is No. 7's "mom." She doesn't show any particular emotion and has only a few lines.

  • "And you’re the one who doesn’t call."

  • "We have been rather busy. And it seems like you have been busy too."

  • "We’re just worried about you. But it seems like you’re taking care of yourself."

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Edgar Lane
Voice Actor Voice Actor
Edgar Lane
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Ryan Newlands

Edgar Lane, also known as the Phantom Lane, is a warlock from another timeline. He found himself entwined in the Cafe and Diner's affairs for about a week before having to return to his own time. He's a goofy mall samurai type. In addition to a few lines he has two reports to himself. His voice would ideally sound close to 21/Gary from Venture Bros https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CHVLSY_Hrk

  • "Tomorrow I'm supposed to help out with the whole big something, something dimensionally phantasmagoric entity… sure."

  • "Lucifer, you guys have it a lot easier than we do in the future, that’s for sure."

  • "This is wicked neat, I gotta say. The past is a lot less hell-scapey than history books would have you believe, what with all the Demon War stuff."

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Dover
Voice Actor Voice Actor
Dover
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: DevDixon

Dover is just a little guy. He's a weird little guy who is the Cafe and Diner's number one fan. He also has some very strange powers that are causing a lot of problems for the Cafe and Diner. He could be read in really any voice/cadence as long as it's kind of weird.

  • "I already know what happens in all of the Archives. I just like to read them for all of your fun little perspectives."

  • "Aren't you two usually together? Are you dating yet? It sure seems that way-"

  • "Pump the brakes, Captain Eugenics. Blood lineage?"

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Shaka
Voice Actor Voice Actor
Shaka
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: Scoping Landscape

Shaka is the very enigmatic and strange leader of the Zulu Cult. He has one report in this story arc where he says a lot of nothing. He is a half-elder and speaks with a constant knowledge of everything, even when he isn't really saying anything. He has a very mysterious and spooky vibe about him.

  • "It is unfortunate, but our hands are tied in this matter."

  • "Everything and everyone is almost precisely where they need to be."

  • "No. I am tired of this game, and I am tired of stalemates. All moves made must now be made with careful consideration."

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Nouscraft
From the Creator of CCC

Nouscraft

A fantasy audiobook written, directed, and produced with CCC voice actors. Listen free.

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