Deadline Over!
Thanks to everyone that auditioned!! Casting should be completed later today! You’re all amazingly talented. Every. One.
X Why Podcast Ep 2: Dating Horror Stories
Project Overview
ABOUT THE EPISODE
In this episode, we'll be giving everyone a shot of schadenfreude! In honor of the month of love, this episode will be a collection of short audio stories, taken from real accounts, of dates gone wrong. There will be funny stories, weird and awkward stories, as well as sad and downright crazy stories.
There are M/M, F/F, and M/F pairings in these stories. I will indicate which are which. Dating Horror Stories will be a recurring segment in the podcast.
ABOUT THE PODCAST
The X Why Podcast is an audio story format, acted by up-and-coming voice actors and written by up-and-coming authors. In this podcast we tell stories about the similarities between the sexes, the thing we share as human beings. Instead of focusing on what makes us different, we communicate the experiences of being male, female, and LGBT+ in a world that wants to subdivide us. Our goal is to communicate to those different from ourselves that we're all a bit weird, and it's just that weirdness that makes things fun.
I am looking to collect at least three episodes before publishing to Spotify, Stitcher, iTunes, etc. You can hear episode one at the link HERE.
CASTING INFO:
- Acting ability is the most important thing I'm looking for, the second most important thing is a noiseless recording.
- I LOVE ad-libbing! If you have something to add to the role, feel free. Just make sure you are ADDING to the lines, and not ignoring what's written.
- Because these are REAL stories, they are not censored. Please make sure you are okay with cursing, sexuality, and the odd slur from the "bad guys".
- You are welcome to audition for multiple roles, but I will only be able to cast you for ONE role PER STORY. Multiple stories are okay.
NOTE: This podcast's stories include people of color as well as various ethnicity and sexualities. You do not need to be the ethnicity or sexuality of the character to be cast. You just need to be able to act the lines in a convincing way.
The future of this podcast is still unknown. My hope is that it will be popular and any future episodes (beyond the first three) will be paid better. The pay here is an expression of good faith - to recognize that you are all talented and deserve to be compensated for the work you do. I hope to be able to spend more on these projects as exposure increases.
ONCE CAST FOR THE ROLE I will message you a Discord server.
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So far so good!
As we approach one week until audition cut-offs, I just wanted to say to everyone that has auditioned: THANK YOU! There are some good reads here. I appreciate ya!
Project Roles:
Flip for It: John
Flip for It: James
What the Fork?: Avery
What the Fork?: Alex
A Girl and her Mother: Jaden
A Girl and her Mother: Jessica
A Girl and her Mother: Rita
Love at First Sight: Mary
Love at First Sight: Michael
Love Me Do: Lucy
Love Me Do: Lisa
One Hour Nightmare: Chris
One Hour Nightmare: Alice
One Hour Nightmare: Waiter
Voice Actor
Flip for It: John
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
Poppletron
(M/M) PROTAGONIST: John is new to dating men, but is excited to get started. He's in his mid-twenties, and trying to go about dating in a non-judgmental way. That changes thanks to his encounter with James, who teaches him that despite what anyone seems like online, they can be totally different in person.
Ad-libbing basic small-talk conversation will be needed for this role as background noise.
After receiving a text from James:
(Trying to control excitement) Sure, I’m not up to much. (Makes an excited, happy noise) PAUSE (Reassuring himself) Stay breezy.
Narrating: James is nice and all, but seriously if I have to stay in this hell-hole of a heaven-themed wing place, I’m going to lose it. Also, seriously does he have a liver of steel? (Pause) When the check came, James decided to try to be a "gentleman".
Narrating: After all that, the asshole got in his car...and drove home. After that many drinks! On my drive home I kept replaying the night’s events in my head, rationalizing it, thinking maybe he knew I wasn’t his type and that’s why he drank so much. But then later that night at like 2 am...
Voice Actor
Flip for It: James
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
VocalOutburst
(M/M) ANTAGONIST: James decides to give this guy John a try. He's tired, not exactly in the best frame of mind for dating, and REALLY likes a drink. He's your garden-variety asshole that doesn't give one single shit about most things, and gets a rise out of screwing with waitstaff. The one things he likes is wings at a pun-filled heaven-themed restaurant.
Ad-libbing basic small-talk conversation will be needed for this role as background noise.
After greeting John:
Doing good, thanks for joining me last minute. You look great. (To waitress) Two shots of anything brown, and a triple of vodka. (Judgmentally, clearly for show) Please.
(Calling to the server as they’re turning away from the table, just slightly tipsy-sounding)
Hey server!
(To John) This’ll be fun, watch.
Quick, guess heads or tails. If you get it right, you'll get a ten dollar tip. If you get it wrong - no tip for you!
(Chuckles nervously, surprised and slightly offended) No, if they didn’t want to play the game, they could have said no.
Voice Actor
What the Fork?: Avery
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
KitKakes
(F/M) PROTAGONIST: Avery thinks Alex is just the best...right up until he isn't. She takes Alex out for Ethiopian food, and things go horribly wrong. She quickly discovers Alex has a VERY blind spot, and stands up for herself and everyone else.
So it’s my second date with Alex, right? It was my turn to choose a place to eat, so I pick out this amazing Ethiopian restaurant that I like to go to. A typical spread would include a sour flatbread called injera that is used to dip into an assortment of dishes like curries, meat, vegetables, bean dips, lots of things. His eyes get wide when they set the food down, and I’m thinking he’s surprised by the amount of food, when he says...
Narrating: So he proceeds to eat with his hands...as if he’s never had a damn taco or slice of pizza before, leaving behind a huge mess all over the table. Mercifully we make it through the meal without further incident and leave.
Wait, are you talking about ME?
Narrating: Alex nods emphatically like I'm an idiot to ask such a question.
I'm not Hispanic, I'm fucking half-Asian. (Sigh) You know what? Let’s just...go to the froyo place at the end of the block.
Voice Actor
What the Fork?: Alex
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
Brandon P Jenkins
(F/M) ANTAGONIST: Alex is an entitled douchebag. He considers himself "woke" despite knowing nothing about other cultures...or about his date.
(Calling over to the server) (Clears throat) Excuse me, could we get some silverware?
When told no:
(Clearly flabbergasted) So you expect us to eat with our hands?!
Excuse me? I am NOT culturally ignorant, okay? I spent the summer in Europe AND vacationed in Thailand. That’s hardly ignorant. Plus, (as if it’s completely obvious) I’m dating a Hispanic person, hello.
(Surprised, voice slightly raised to be heard over traffic) What are you doing, I’m stopped at a red light! I thought you wanted froyo!
Voice Actor
A Girl and her Mother: Jaden
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
SMc
(M/F) PROTAGONIST: Jaden is a people-pleaser just trying to make it in life. He's found a cute girl online that he actually likes talking to, but can't quite seem to figure out why she never wants to meet up. He decides to be understanding...perhaps TOO understanding...and things go horribly wrong for him.
Narrating: I talk to her, crack a few jokes, and she warms to the idea of meeting up, but I really don’t understand the hesitation. I’m not trying to pressure anyone, but I feel like I’ve been pretty patient. I’d like to meet up to see if this has a future. As a peace offering, I volunteer to meet about 10 minutes from her house, 45 minutes from mine. If she’s hesitant, I want this to be easy for her. To let her know I’m not a bad guy. She tells me she’ll be in a pickup shortly before I see it pulling into the parking lot of Batt’s Pub.
Narrating: I give her a hug, when I notice out of the corner of my eye that Jessica’s mom has opened the door and stepped outside. I quickly turn to greet her too.
Hi! Nice to meet you, I’m assuming you’re...J…
Narrating: I’m met with the scowl of a middle-aged Latina that could probably kick my ass with one arm behind her back.
Oh, you’re...gonna have another. Cool. Cool cool. (Awkward pause) Is anyone gonna ask if I - no? Okay I’ll just...just have another beer.
Voice Actor
A Girl and her Mother: Jessica
closed
Unpaid
(M/F) Jessica just wants to meet a nice guy...that her mother likes. She tries to make her current situation work, but constantly has her mother's voice in her head, telling her that it won't work out.
So how is work? You were going for a promotion, right? (Obviously speaking so that her mom can hear)
That’s cool. (Whispers, in a mischievous voice) Hey, you remember that pic I sent you earlier?
(Phone buzzes, said distractedly as she reads something on her phone) Like what?
To be honest, I...just don’t know. I mean, you’re totally different than your pictures and...
(Sighs) Well, there goes another one.
Voice Actor
A Girl and her Mother: Rita
closed
Unpaid
(M/F) ANTAGONIST: Rita is tough...a woman of few words. In fact, she has her own language of HMMPHs. Disapproving HMMPHs, I-told-you-so HMMPHs, let's go HMMPHs. Either way, she's going to make sure that her daughter doesn't go out with someone of whom she doesn't approve. Even if she has to do something crazy.
HMMPH. Rita. I’m the mom.
(Heavy, consistent, noisy breathing through nose. Like you're angry or impatient)
HMMPH. (Like: I knew he was a loser)
HMMPH. (Skeptical)
(Interrupting) Jessica (leaning into the name, ignoring Jaden), what do you want? (Ordering for herself) Another margarita.
HMMPH. I told you.
Voice Actor
Love at First Sight: Mary
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
KitKakes
(F/M) PROTAGONIST: Mary is tired. She has a successful career but just can't seem to figure this whole "dating" thing out. She's also had a streak of bad luck, so she's hoping this Michael will work out. Mary tries to be nice and patient, but eventually hits her limit. Hard.
Ad-libbing basic small-talk conversation will be needed for this role as background noise.
Narrating: So I started talking to this guy. He’s a little...intense, but he seems sweet. He’s VERY attentive, funny, seems to be a good guy, if a little excitable. I really hope it goes well. I have had some pretty bad luck lately.
(Meeting Michael, trying to stay positive)
Nice to see you too. So how...(gets interrupted)
Uhh, thank you. That’s sweet. So how...(gets interrupted)
That’s...very nice of you. So how...(gets interrupted)
(Chuckles politely) No, but thank you again.
Narrating: So the conversation eventually gets off my eyes, hair, nose, lips, and everything else the guy could see immediately, and we start to actually talk. He somehow managed to maintain his level of inappropriate intensity throughout dinner, and never seemed to get comfortable. But sadly, I’ve been on worse dates.
(Sounds of cutlery, maybe with mouth full) You’ve...you’ve stopped talking. Is something wrong?
Narrating: He stares at me deeply in the eyes as I chew.
Voice Actor
Love at First Sight: Michael
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
ChrisButeraVoice
(F/M) ANTAGONIST: Michael LOVES love. He loves to fall in love...hard. He easily falls in love...hard. He's a bit intense and finicky, almost caffeinated. But he REALLY likes Mary. A lot.
Ad-libbing basic small-talk conversation will be needed for this role as background noise.
(Nervously) Hi Mary! Good to see you. I mean, it’s nice texting to you, but it’s also very good to see you (nervous chuckle).
You are so gorgeous.
Like...more gorgeous than I could have hoped for.
Your eyes are just...beautiful. I bet you hear that all the time, huh.
There are three words I want to say to you so badly right now.
(Defensively) Unlike other guys you’ve been with, I am capable of falling in love at first sight. This could be the start of something truly special.
Voice Actor
Love Me Do: Lucy
closed
Unpaid
(F/F) PROTAGONIST: Lucy has finally joined the ranks of the online dating crowd. She's not exactly sure how to vet new ladies online, but is excited when she meets Lisa. Lucy has a good sense of humor and a big heart, and finds herself stuck in a situation that is both sad, ridiculous, and infuriating.
Narrating: Well, I did it. After a lot of prompting from a dear friend, and 30 years on this earth, I have finally created a dating profile. I don’t know whether to be proud of myself or just…continue to drink wine directly from the bottle.
Narrating: I check out her profile. Damn, she is cute. So I respond, talking about my trepidation with online dating and I tell her a little about myself. She responds, and we spend a few days messaging back and forth...and then I hear nothing for two whole WEEKS. I’m thinking she’s just “ghosted” me, I think that’s the term, but shortly after that I get a message from Lisa on the dating site.
(Greeting Lisa at her door) Oh you’re not gonna invite m - sure why not? So, any idea where to eat around here? I don’t know your neighborhood very well.
(To herself, shocked) What...the fuck. This has never happened, in the history of ever, right? Is she seriously dedicating a song to me on our first...and weirdest date I’ve ever had??
Voice Actor
Love Me Do: Lisa
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
chicha3maddy
(F/F) ANTAGONIST: Lisa isn't a bad person, she's just...all over the place. A drug addict that is trying really hard not to show it by dating and pretending everything is fine. Cutesy, excited, and somewhat tragic, she finds Lucy and tries to do what she can to win her over.
(Yawning) Oh, no no no. I’m sorry. It’s been a long day at...work. Yeah, we…(nodding off) did a lot at the...work...place (snoring).
(Snaps awake, suddenly alert) What were we talking about?
(Excitedly, in a sing-song voice) Now, let’s go get some drinks and do karaoke!! You do karaoke, right? Come oooon...
(In raised voice over music) Hey, how are you?? Listen I… Hey long time no see! What are you up to? Got a sec?
(On stage) This one goes out to my date tonight, the wonderful, beautiful, Lucy! (Love Me Do by the Beatles starts to play)
(Poorly or drunkenly sing to this, just a few seconds for audition - will be roughly 30 seconds to a minute for the final product)
(When told Lucy has to go home)
(Dejected, very sad) Oh...okay. (Picking up her tone to a happier level) Well, I can walk you to your car.
(Hiding her sadness) I think..I think I might stay here if that’s alright.
(Yawning) I had a lot of fun tonight. Am I...I'm probably not going to see you again, huh.
Voice Actor
One Hour Nightmare: Chris
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
Poppletron
(M/F) PROTAGONIST: Chris is a divorcee, getting back into the swing of dating after a few years. He's got a great sense of humor and infinite patience. Which will be required of him after his first blind date. He narrates his experience like it's a wildlife documentary.
7:00 PM
Narrating: I look up from my menu and search her face for any trace of sarcasm or irony. I also notice out of the corner of my eye that the waiter, upon hearing this, froze in place for a brief moment, shook his head as if he imagined the whole thing and then went about his business. She then continued on.Narrating: My delicate flower of a date throws her leg on to the table, lifts her pant leg and shows me a tattoo that wraps around her ankle. It is some generic-looking tribal pattern with a few kanji characters worked in to the design.
7:23PM
Narrating: Our food arrives with the hope that my dining companion might be too preoccupied with her salad to continue to speak. My hope is quickly destroyed.
Narrating: Not wanting to hurt her feelings, or risk having her go feral while still in my car, I said…
I just don't think I'm the right guy for you.
Narrating: I exited the vehicle and opened the passenger side door. Partly because I am a gentleman and partly to give her the hint that it was time to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR. She stood in front of me crying, her head in her hands. Not being a monster, I decided to give her a hug. As soon as I pulled her close to me she raised her head and…
(YELLING, PAIN) Aw, you...you BIT ME? You fucking BIT ME!
Voice Actor
One Hour Nightmare: Alice
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
chicha3maddy
(M/F) ANTAGONIST: An absolute trash fire of a human being. Racist, overtly sexual in public, homophobic, and potentially feral. LOTS of fun.
(Almost mockingly) Nice outfit, by the way. What is this you’re listening to? I don’t listen to that faggot shit, let’s change the tunes.
Hey, you're not a serial killer, are you?
Know what’s weird? I really like jap food but I just can’t stand japs! I also really don't like...
Are you hairy? Well if we’re gonna fuck tonight then we need to wax that shit off because I don’t play that way!
(In a raised voice) My OTHER tattoo is a tramp stamp...but I don’t show that to just ANYbody.
Because it’s a big ol’ heart. I got it so that when you’re fucking me in the ass, you know that I love you!
Mallory Knox is fucking HAWT!!
HOW SEXY AM I NOW, FUCKER?!
Voice Actor
One Hour Nightmare: Waiter
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to:
ChrisButeraVoice
(M/F) The waiter / witness to the train wreck of Chris and Alice's date. Slightly sadistic, amused, and a little bit terrified.
Anything I can get for you two right away?
(Stifling a chuckle) I’ll...help with that, sir.
(Laughing) No WAY man! This is fucking hilarious! I’m gonna go tell everyone in the kitchen to laugh at your sorry ass.
(Over the sounds of crying)
Can I...get you two anything else?
Comments
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