7:00 PM
Narrating: I look up from my menu and search her face for any trace of sarcasm or irony. I also notice out of the corner of my eye that the waiter, upon hearing this, froze in place for a brief moment, shook his head as if he imagined the whole thing and then went about his business. She then continued on.

Narrating: My delicate flower of a date throws her leg on to the table, lifts her pant leg and shows me a tattoo that wraps around her ankle. It is some generic-looking tribal pattern with a few kanji characters worked in to the design.

7:23PM

Narrating: Our food arrives with the hope that my dining companion might be too preoccupied with her salad to continue to speak. My hope is quickly destroyed.

Narrating: Not wanting to hurt her feelings, or risk having her go feral while still in my car, I said…

I just don't think I'm the right guy for you.

Narrating: I exited the vehicle and opened the passenger side door. Partly because I am a gentleman and partly to give her the hint that it was time to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR. She stood in front of me crying, her head in her hands. Not being a monster, I decided to give her a hug. As soon as I pulled her close to me she raised her head and…

(YELLING, PAIN) Aw, you...you BIT ME? You fucking BIT ME!