Mistletoe - (Fantasy/Drama/Comedy Story)
Project Overview
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"A Dog Called Sparky" is out now on the following platforms: Soundcloud: https://goo.gl/zJgdTo YouTube: https://goo.gl/ZY4wp5 ITunes: https://goo.gl/V7y825 Tonight we are whisked away toward the infinite reaches of deep space, as Moondog narrates "A Monochrome Transcript of RBG in the Great Black Heaven", recalling the first of two parts of his somewhat far-fetched tale of an undercover prison documentary that took him from the Antarctic prison of Harmony XIII, all the way to the infinitely distant planet known only as Indigo Metropolis. Our entertainment correspondent Sticky & Slim, an eccentric man with identical split personalities interviews the avant-garde director Fowler, Fowler & Fowler about his mysterious debut picture that sent over a 1000 people in to a permanent coma. And as well as our "weekly" news and weather digests, we present to you the 3rd part of The Dance of Fermentation's philosophical travel documentary "The Magical Mistletoe Tour". In this charming edition, Dance and friends travel to the forever-summer village of Loulan to enjoy the annual May Day celebration, where there may be more than myth to magic afterall... Thanks to everyone who has been involved in this project so far and hopefully we'll get those later-series character slots filled soon! Keep those auditions coming! - Ste Holland, Mistletoe.
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Episode 2 is out now!
MISTLETOE EPISODE 2 - TOO MANY IRONS IN THE FIRE Telepathic interviews with naked shoebox salesmen? A crisis of faith, three reclusive OAPs in a long-lost church? A hologramatic war of espionage?! Where else but Mistletoe! Join the beloved Nimrod and his ever-reverberating co-host Moo as we delve in to the intolerant past of the Southern Realms and explore the sanctity of faith with The Dance of Fermentation in part 2 of his Magical Mistletoe Tour. Sip a few too many cups of that there Corpseflower Tea and drink deep from the well of myth and magic, as Paragon and Mourning Chapman take us 600 years in the Realm's past with the spell-binding first part of The Ancient War of the Magi. CAST & CHARACTERS - https://goo.gl/hZyUiS MUSIC & SFX CREDITS - https://goo.gl/UEoQD5 "Now too much has passed but never mind, because everything turns out nicely in the summer time. There's too many Irons in the fire" LISTEN HERE: ITunes: https://goo.gl/yRjdXv Soundcloud: https://goo.gl/kwqP8q YouTube: https://goo.gl/drU5Mq -
EPISODE ONE OUT NOW!
Thank you to everybody who has auditioned and to all who have been cast so far (there's more to come!) It'd help immensely if this was shared around and the pages were liked/subscribed to etc. No worries if you don't want to though! :) For now though, I give you (at last) Episode 1: The Voice of Thy Beloved... ITunes: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/mistletoe-episode-1-the-voice-of-thy-beloved/id1266534849?i=1000390561275&mt=2 Bandcamp: https://mistletoeradio.bandcamp.com/releases YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCGNkf93t6c&t=39s Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/mistletoeradio -
Show release on its way / two or more characters to come etc.
So I shall finally be releasing Mistletoe Episode 1 : The Voice of Thy Beloved in the next week or two. I'll be posting the links to it on here (it'll most likely be out on YouTube, Bandcamp and Soundcloud). Exciting times! I'm not far off writing the final episode of series one (Episode 12: The Storm on the High Mountain) and it looks like we'll have two more characters to cast when it's all said and done! I'm keeping all current auditions open for the time being because I have plenty of time until I need to cast them, that doesn't mean that anyone who has already auditioned wasn't good enough. I'm just taking my time with choosing who'll play them, don't be afraid to keep those auditions coming! -
Really important lead role added!
For reasons I won't share, I have had to open up a casting for one of my main characters: the third member of the Beloved Voice team, Paragon. A female role that requires an American voice and needs to be cast very soon. Have a little look-see and give it your best shot! :)
Casting reopened due to previously cast actor going AWOL. Previous auditions where not what I was looking for so non of them will be cast.
(excited to be working with his friends again) "Damn guys, it's great to be at the helm with you two leg-ends! You can really feel the electricity in the air today!"
(serious) "Indeed, Nimrod and Moo we offer you the strongest of apologies, hand-picked from the deepest and dearest parts of both regret and sincerity. Will ye accept it kindly my dears?"
(professional, reading the news) "Unsurprisingly a cult of followers now stalk the young man and "feed upon his every reminiscence", some of whom have attested to the man having been bestowed with the ability to see through the fabric of our own dimension and thus peer in to another. Mother effin' spooky, Spammers!"
*Cold, obedient, but almost without a care* "We're heading east then?"
*Alwynn asks Nomas how he survived his run-in with the immortal warrior in the north*"Ah...you must mean...in the Wastelands? Would it suprise you if I told you that I didn't?"
"Such a shame that you will not live long enough to know, traitor.. Now...die!"
An androgynous news reporter with a ravenously-vibrant personality. Rita is essentially a Monty Python sketch in human form and would seem to be, by most people's standards; utterly insane.
"Ohhhh frizzles me nizzles! How the dizzles are ya doin' over there in...oh. Yup, Mystery Johnson it seems as though a couple of deep-veined trombonists from the northern realms have really gone and done it this time!"
"Absolutely pathetic Johnson, what are you? 6 years old? Mystery Johnson, everyone and their patron saints know that the answer is none. They never clean that out, they left it, even after the body had been fished out!!!"
"And do tell me, you bastard. What was it? The spawn of this gentleman you speak of?"
The last great wordsmith of Pwllheli; a town in North Wales and home to a disturbing creation: The final work by Don Tremone, AKA "The Shattagorical Box of Problems".
"And it was as if by some harrowingly real sense of primal instinct that in the moment his eyes became adjusted to the gravity of this extreme situation, he shat himself; a torpedo of fluid shit seeped desperately only with a means to escape from his well envisioned trousers."
"I happen to believe (and not fondly, I might add) that we, as Humans, inhabit a rather mundane arm of the Universe and y'know, I'd like to think that out there, way beyond where the very pinnacle of our imaginations fail to grasp, there's an arm...or a leg...or a testicle of space wherein which the appearance of a dialogue box (not seen since Amstrad times) would be a unextraodinary and everyday occurrence."
"But it was entailed alright! A triple threat of trouserial (trou-zeerial) decimation within a nebula of shatagorical improbability! There were no excuses any more: the trousers were being punished!"
Selwynn is essentially the yard-stick with which to measure how utterly bizarre my show becomes by the very end. An absolutely incomprehensible character, to say the least.
"Selwynn came to branches, saw the middle ground ruined by bush fires. Unleash the pretty man!"
"Selwynn came to Pygmy Elephant, name him Ambrosia. The custard Elephantin. Doth make for goooood syrup. We stepped in to the breach, near the reach and we pair did see...the boy and the gentleman. You know? Your people? But enough of this, they went to Abraxas and it would not interest Selwynn to follow."
*Selwynn's voice becomes serious when recounting his stunned reaction to what he has seen*
"Take in to account for the moment, the stars amongst the heavens when they present to us fully their majesty. An unobscured, naked nighttime sky, see it true - the milky way spilled across the sky like the single greatest accident. You are seeing it? Do you see them, the stars?
Imagine what they have seen."
The once vicious tyrannical ruler of the city of Djarum who also only appears in Part IV of the Ancient War of the Magi story. A very deep, booming voice, almost like a Shakespearean King would be great, but he is not necessarily British, in fact his son is played by an American so that would be more desirable. Ruthless and merciless, he appears completely apathetic to his own son in the one part he appears in. He has few lines but a strong impression must be made as it is meant as an indicator of how his son Meher Baba became the man he is later on in the story.
(commanding, scary) "Captain Baba, you will address me formally in these circumstances!"
"Effective immediately, Captain Baba you are hereby promoted to the rank of Commander."
Mistletoe-born, Oxford-educated, VERY well spoken, empathetic and always curious.
Intro to Moondog's Documentary "A Monochrome Transcript of RBG in the Great Black Heaven*:"I hereby place a footnote to assure my family, my friends and my listeners that I have not gone utterly insane and that I am reporting the events in question to the best of my mental abilities, having lost none of my faculties to madness or disability. The account that I am about to give is by my word as a gentleman the complete and God's honest truth."
*Apparently floating through space. Scared, possibly crying*
"I...am really scared right now. If you ever hear this Jayne, if you ever hear my words...I never forgot. I just wanted you to know that."*Narrating The Great Black Heaven, professional documentary - well-spoken*"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are floating in space. Or at least that's what it felt like at the time, but now I seriously doubt it. Months have passed and I'm not with you anymore, by that I mean...well, I will be unreachable by the time this airs. I don't say this because I believe that what my mind and indeed my recording device captured really happened. I say it because no matter what happened on that day, Speyer will still be looking for me - I am a wanted criminal and I will be going in to hiding for as long as they continue to chase me."
Quoted from the show itself:
"General Reevers was a fearsome woman indeed, and even the battle hardened Archmage feared her to an extent. If her exploits in the last war with north were anything to go by then she was without a doubt a calculating psychopath. She was neither beautiful nor wretched, always wearing a gaze of intimidating power on her staunchly-chiseled face. It was a face sculpted by the gods of war themselves, whomever they may be."
"That will not be necessary Captain Baba, and we have already located the rats from Unit 7 that are hiding in the forests near Melendryll so that too will not be needed..."
*Do an evil laugh that's not over the top*
"Captain Baba, you were tasked to infiltrate the ranks of the Northern Rebel Army and locate to the fullest extent their bases, arms caches and military camps. You succeeded in doing this months ago. You were not tasked to stay and play happy families with these fucking rodents and you were not tasked to issue a state of radio silence from yourself to us back here in Djarum! Explain yourself Captain and make it damn good!"
*Please provide some singing*
*Please provide some accapella performance*
A non-commissioned officer in the Northern Rebel Army who is also good friends with Fariq Omar (already cast). In his late 30's/early 40's, he has a good sense of humor but is also a stern soldier and well respected leader on the battlefield. As with the Soldier roles above, a convincing attempt at an Arabic accent is essential. His character is inspired by John Rhys-Davis' performance of Sallah in the Indianna Jones movies "Raiders of the Lost Arc" and "Last Crusade". That doesn't mean I'm looking for an Oscar-winning performance, it's just who I modeled the character after.
(whispered, apologetic) "Sorry Omar, we couldn't carry you with us, you where hit pretty badly, we thought you wouldn't last another hour when that dud shell hit you"
(whispered, chit-chat, informal) "Recon, simple recon sneak and here I am, stuck in the kitchen because I got peckish when a group of retiring priestesses decided to come by. I'll be damned if I was letting those Necromages suck the life blood out of me for a Fibble steak pie!"
(whispered, shocked) "Omar! Where on earth does this heresy you speak come from!?"
Paragon is the third member of the Beloved Voice team, she lives with Nimrod and Moo inside the show's desert HQ. An agoraphobic dream-weaver, soothsayer and all-round gothic poet who's sole purpose is to read out to the Beloved listeners the mysterious, cloth-bound and anonymously-penned novella "The Stranger Between Dimensions". She has taken a keen interest in the novella that seemingly appeared outside the radio station's front door only a few days before the first broadcast of the show. She also believes that she can talk to dust particles and she is also a heavy drinker of the highly hallucinogenic "Corpseflower Tea".
*Reading narration for the Stranger Between Dimensions*I swear there are shapes out there, some of which I am familiar with, the trees and their falling leaves I can identify. Others, like the spectre that moved across the black not long ago are alien to me and have become a great cause for alarm. And it was a spectre of some sort; that is to suggest that it was human at least once, long ago.
*Narrating and playing the character of the Stranger's Mother for the Stranger Between Dimensions*Her voice was just as gentle as forever was and forever will, but there lay a great resolve now that I had not been privy to until this moment. She began to quiver with sorrow, but at last she spoke "I know what you are, I know that you are destined to follow for only a meager distance behind me, but when you arrive, your purpose will become clear. For me, that knowledge is not afforded and thus is not mine to part unto you. But through what I have taught you, concepts and words that should never have reached you, you have been afforded a gift no man before hath been given; the power of a god, but the heart of a woman. With this you will do the right thing, my love. I know it better than I know the love I feel for you. You will not let the darkness swallow you."
*Narrating and playing the character of The Stranger for the Stranger Between Dimensions*"Murderer!" I opened with, "Puppet!" I followed up, "I loved him, I know that I almost didn't know him, but you took my Oren away from me and now you want me to...no! Go fuck yourself, shade! You are NO Father of mine, no! You're no more than a wraith...a fucking shadow!"
An excitable and clumsy Jondi (Private) from the Northern Rebel Army who encounters the two Fariqs (Officers), Omar and Abdullah in Part IV of the ongoing Ancient War of the Magi story (read by Mistletoe Radio's own Moo). Any of the following accents would be fine: Arabic, Russian/Eastern European or any various South American accent.
(whispered excitedly) "So the big boys say numero uno is heading the ram brigade from home tonight!"
(whispered, in realization) "...They're pelting the walls with a handful of eggs and seeing what sticks. Bastards!"
(dreamily answering a question) "I'm not entirely sure. I think my Mother brought me to this place when I was just a child, to this day I can only remember the nourishing smell of salt water, the bell chimes of the swaying buoys beyond the harbor and the melancholic idea of rust and decay upon the chains hanging from the quayside. I have dreamt of them for many years ever since, as peculiar as that sounds. But you know, I happen to believe firmly that we're all subjected to dreams of our childhood from time to time, that they may even be responsible for our desires; those often obscure and unspoken desires that nudge us closer to the direction of the things we'd most love to do with our lives."
"Yes, you could say that that was what lead me to this way of life. At least part of the reason was that anyway. I was always fascinated with the seclusion of the job also, like a lighthouse keeper is somewhat reluctantly attached to his lonely existence. It's a romantic kind of tragedy if you get my meaning?"
"The shore is my home, there the Boathouse where I eat and I sleep stands...and the ocean is my place of work, where I go out and catch what earns me my living. When I head in to town to sell my wares I treat it like a small pilgrimage, I have my rituals; I purchase a small cake from the baker's and nibble on it delightfully during my long stroll back home. My job is a struggle, it is a difficult and lonely way in which to make a living. But my life is beautiful and I'm the happier for it. I'm at peace if you will."
1:42, 2:17, 2:40
"When we came to your world, thousands of years ago, our technologies...the technology we used to gain entry to the dimension that your world occupies...it was corrupted. We do not know how, and for all our amassed intellect and for the millennia of research that has been invested in to finding the answer, we are nocloser to the truth."
"Go now Gabrielle Luna and make it your task. Find our machines and bring them back to us through the stargate before itis too late, before whomever may possess them brings annihilation upon your world!"
"For reasons that we cannot discuss here, reasons that would shatter your perceptions of the reality to which you naturally occupy, we as a nation were determined to locate and investigate the planet from which you born from, AKA theplanet known as Earth. It was a matter of the upmost importance and that is all I will say regarding that particular detail. But in locating your planet we discovered that it resided in an entirely alternate reality to our own. At least, the specific manifestation of the planet Earth that we were looking for."
(laughing hysterically) "My God, you were so close! 'Nightingale' had it in the bag and then you drop the Nerys bomb on it! How cruel your parents must be to ruin such a cool name...Nerys!"
(whispered) "Pssst! Mistletoe, it's me again, El Moo-Moo. Do you still remember our promise? You know, the one where I said I'd read you all a bed time story? Well hey, I'm keeping it right about now, I'm going to read you something truly spine-tingling (and pretty horrifying!)."
(reading a story) "The campaigning of late had seen a sudden resurgence. After several month's relative peace, the pieces of the board had begun to move once more."
The presenter of Mistletoe Radio's weekly travel documentary "The Magical Mistletoe Tour" is a well-spoken, nature loving traveler who loves nothing more than the fresh air of the free countryside and the warmth of good company. An open-minded explorer who has a deep affinity for abandoned structures and yearns to exile to isolation in his old age, Dance is plagued by dreams of a mysterious evergreen forest on a nightly basis and yearns to be there. He is a keen professional who presents the show sincerely and accurately, he's more than capable of conducting a professional interview but can also drift off in to philosophical ramblings of a dreamy and infatuated manner. Preferably a British accent but I welcome a calm and pastoral accent from other places too, definitely worth a try either way as he is a full-time character.
(professional, informative, documentary-like) "It was said that in the beginning God painted the world a crimson hue, where all the fires of his inspiration would bulge forth in a dynamo of fantastic light and molten rock, that one day these islands of fire would merge to form great shapes of lands filled with promise and one day, immense beauty in the form of man and his creations."
(serious, dreamy, yearning) "I spent an hour of restlessness imagining a life out here for me, perhaps out of desire, perhaps just for the fun of it. Either way it was a beautiful life, for as long as my wandering thoughts allowed me to live it. I had a young wife and we had two dogs, two golden retreivers called Bing & Ruth. We spent the long Summer days exploring the gold and sun-kissed seas of rye around our home, playing catch with the dogs, skipping through the tall-grass like two teenagers in the throws of an eternal honeymoon. It would have been such a beautiful dream if only I could've slept."
(frustrated, annoyed, pissed-off) "There, that's as unobjective as I'm going to get. This place still smells of cabbage, is still run by pencil pushing bureaucrats and I still don't ever want to go back! What a terrible way to end the series. You know what? I'm going to rearrange the order so that my Fall of Ms. Moneypenny trip with Moo and Nimrod is last instead of first because I'll be damned if I'm ending with this bulls -"
Bemm-Em is the first of a rare breed of Spider known as a Spiddie-Boo that we meet in Mistletoe.
Bemm-Em's voice is cute, childish (but not attention seeking) and just flat out loveable! High in pitch, but don't worry if you have to resort to adjusting the pitch of your sample manually via your recording software - I won't discriminate :)
I want to hear genuine excitement for this role, as Moo falls head over heels during a cuteness-overload when she meets Bemm-Em and he is overjoyed to meet her.
*Meep meep!* Hallo spibblies!
("meep" is the cute little chirping noise that Spiddies make, Spibblies is pronounced Spib-leez)Hiya missy! I'm a Boo, what's you?
Tee-hee, I like the woods Moo-moo! Do you like the woods?
(shouting in a drug-fueled panic) "I can't find my knees! Where the bloody hell are my f*cking knees, Richard!?"
(annoyed at a co-worker) "Oh f*ck off. It f*cking stinks out here man. It smells like barbecued toenails simmering in a pot full of farts. Seriously, what did these people do to deserve their home turning in to this?"
(serious documentary narration) "I spent the whole of 4 hours after my bus was rogered by a group of former post office clerks (and Fukkfist) seeking shelter from the chaos of this post-apocalyptic nightmare. I tell you the smell was phenomenal - "I am Natashya's crippled sense of smell, see me swim here in the aroma of frozen piss and leprosy", what a sad destitution before me...in all my senses."
"I can understand where you are coming from Captain Baba, but the passion in the hearts of these rebels is no reason enough for us to spare them. For if we turn this war in to a negotiation summit then those bottom-feeders you praise so highly will strip this land of all but the stone it stands on."
"Listen not to your heart dear Captain, for it is tainted with the poison of sentimentality that for time immemorable has soften the wills of men. Your adoration of these dangerous, albeit noble savages will be the death of one's career and indeed, our beloved city of Djarum as we know it."
A more sensible version of the Soldier #1 role. He has an eastern (possibly Egyptian Arabic) accent.
(whispered, commanding) "Drop your weapons and put your hands behind your heads!"
(whispered, sensible, explaining) "What my comrade is saying Fariq is that the Moshir himself is leading the charge to the gates of Djarum in the next few hours, they are bringing the tanks and heavy weaponry."
FOUL LANGUAGE WARNING
(explaining, experienced) "Believe it or not, the far more unsanitary areas of the city are the safest. Plenty of ladies down here, Arcadia. Most of them are scum though, you wouldn't believe the things these women'll do for a bite of the buttock, y'dig?"
"Sewer terminology, it means dipping a taco in the bilge and downing it in one bite. Tastes like shit, but the dregs don't half rate it 5 star, y'hear me?"
So far only appearing in Episode 8 "Mystery Johnson's Mystery Johnson", MJ is an eccentric employee of Mistletoe Radio who is sent to infiltrate Nimrod and Moo's secluded broadcast tower in order to provide the station with a bi-monthly evaluation of the pair's radio show "The Beloved Voice". He is hugely inspired by David Lynch's character Agent Gordon Cole and Miguel Ferrer's character Agent Albert Rosenfield from the TV series Twin Peaks. He has a strong and colourful American accent, possibly southern like Agent Cole and has the dutiful, borderline bureaucratic sensibilities of Agent Rosenfield, but is also quite care-free when addressing Nimrod and Moo on more informal matters. When talking shop though, it is almost like he is reading from a script inside his head. It is revealed later on that he is actually British and changes accent accordingly, if you can't provide both voiced then I'd be happy to do the British part myself (as I'm thinking of writing that part in as a joke on Johnson's part). I'll add one of the British lines here:
(informative) "The station planted me outside your force-field last week after it was decided that you were to be provided with a face to face bi-monthly critical evaluation."
(light conversation, still somewhat informative) "Can't say I abide with the fibs m'dear, but if you'd fix me up a bit o' that there Corpseflower tea for ma johnson then I'd be sure to forget about it as good will would allow! Besides, the moon's looking fuller by the night and I wouldn't want to scare you with ma dong now, would I?"
(intoxicated) "Your show...*BURP* is phenomenal, and I mean that in the most devilishly sardonic way, you understand m'mouth 'ere lad? NO! NO! Don't answer that, it was one of those retarded questions m'suspects!"
Mostly inspired by Moira Quirk's performance of the character Karliah from The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2q7It-w4-c&t=443s
(betrayed, pleading) "The side of you that I have bared witness to throughout the last few months or so, this megolomaniac, master manipulator, this power-lusting cenotaph of a man - yes, Meher, you are but an empty shell, beckoning for a new world of death and hate to fill the void within you - it destroys me truly."
(narrating her own past) "But of all the stories, fact or no that I have read throughout my many days upon this earth, none have aroused my sense of wonder and curiosity more than the tale of "The Forest of Stars". The story of how it came to be, of how my story has become so closely connected to that place, everything about it has gripped me to almost complete obsession. It seems like fiction has a way of coming to life after all."
(in awe) ""Could it be?" I thought to myself, were these spectres of glowing light really the Fae-folken? I did shed a tear or two this time, as I thought that I would die without ever laying eyes upon them. Even the Archmage spared himself a moment to appreciate the namesakes of the forest, and yes, they really did look like little stars sitting amongst the heavens. They were enchanting."
Unfortunately he's one of only 15 privately owned Spiddy-Boos left in the world, but soon I hope to breed enough to reintroduce them to the wild. His name is Bemm-Em by the way, isn't it Boo?(last three words said in a "who's a good boy?!" kind of a way)
You better believe it, handsome! Dance, I tried to contact you! Not long ago if I remember, with the intention of getting an interview about your writing. But it seems like you had already left the newspaper that you worked for at the time. What on Earth brings you to our old vibrant neck of the woods?
Aww, I wish I could Honey-buns but alas this one's for breeding too. He's going to help repair the damage done by the Birdeater spiders in his home by building up the numbers again, unfortunately the Spiddy-Boos are the #1 prey for Birdeaters in the north eastern forests.