Gareth and Lost Island Audio Drama
Project Overview
Gareth and the Lost Island - Audio Drama
After checking my finances, I have decided to make this a paid project.
Pay rate explanation: I used a program to estimate how much time each character will be speaking. Total speaking time was multiplied by 3 for actual work time. That total was divided by 60 and multiplied by $20 / hr. Pay was always rounded up to the nearest dollar. [example 1 (generic henchman) - 1 min finished=3 min work 3/60 = 0.05 0.05x20=1]
-Please be aware that some of the characters in this Audio Drama are LGBTQ+. The story treats this as it should, meaning no one gives it a second thought other than some of the bad guys who look down upon it.-
Gareth Mintel thought he had everything he ever wanted as the youngest professor in the history of the University Arcanum. At least he did until he got caught in the bedchambers rented to the wife of one the richest merchants on the Island of Draconia. Soon after, Gareth found himself saddled with the seemingly impossible quest of finding the Lost Island of Mascal (a place most people didn’t believe existed), or be permanently banished from his beloved university.
Determined not to let Gareth face unknown dangers alone, he was joined by his adoptive father, Dr. Tralnis Granitestaff, and their simian butler, Henry. Together with the motley crew of the the Glorious Dawn (an airship that had seen better decades), they set out on a globetrotting journey across Hadronus where they will face bloodthirsty pirates, irritable skeletons, reptilian slavers, and an angry, venomous duck.
In 2019, I had this project as a full cast audiobook. I ended up shelving the project because I just wasn’t happy with it. This was completely based on how I felt my writing was, and not the absolutely wonderful voice actors I worked with. My wife convinced me to revisit the story because she wants to know what happens next for Gareth and Izzy. I ended up completely rewriting the story as a true audio drama instead of an audiobook. The new story has better dialogue and a few less plot holes.
All 11 episodes of the audio have been written with the total time coming in around 5 hours. This will be a podcast so it will be free for anyone to listen to.
I would prefer the auditions to be 44100 to 48000 hz, 32 bit, 192 kbps MP3. Actual work will be in WAV format.
Thank you in advance for your auditions, and I look forward to working with you.
Reviews for the original Gareth and the Lost Island on Amazon (a different version - the audio drama novelization will be released as at the same time as the audio drama:
RH – 5 stars - I am an instant fan of Patrick Mallard!
One third of the way into Gareth and the lost island and feel compelled to write a glowing review! I love the humor and the wonderfully likable characters. Fantasy, steampunk adventure with whiffs of the Disk World. Quick paced, awesome mental pictures and crudely hilarious passages every few pages. I already know I will hate to reach the end, as it will be far to soon, and I see no next book listed. I hope you are loaded up on caffine and writing furiously, Patrick. I look forward to spending many years in your twisted world! Good Job!!
Bookworm – 5 stars - Perfect for any age. Suspense without horror. Love interest without vulgarity. Rants without cussing. Humor for all!!
I love the clean light hearted humor. Esp Chim! Really wish there was more by this author.
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At only 120 years old, Tralnis is considered to be a young adult by Dwarvish standards. He is a medical doctor as well as a tenured professor at the University.
Like most Dwarves, Tralnis is an omnisexual with a very healthy libido. The only thing larger than his sexual appetite is his heart. Tralnis adopted Gareth, and later took in Gareth’s best friend, Henry, after the Chim’s parents were killed.
Tralnis has a deep, male voice with a noticeable Scottish brogue.
- english
- male adult
- scottish
Not that I’ve ever found a reason not to drink to something, but what in the 34 layers of hell does an accent mark have to do with anything?
[sheepish] She caught me in bed with her brother.
Dammit, Gareth, I’m a doctor, not an engineer!
Elizabeth is the captain, and part owner, of the Glorious Dawn, an independent merchant airship. She lost her right arm and right eye in the fire that killed her parents. Her arm has been replaced with a rather intimidating clockwork prosthetic.
Elizabeth’s injuries, the loss of her parents, and a string of failed relationships have left her bitter and extremely cynical. As far as she is concerned, her sister and their crew are the only things that matter. Female adult voice.
- english
- female adult
Izzy said you wanted to hire my [pause] our airship for an archeology expedition.
[in the middle of a fight] … and that’s for commenting on a lady’s appearance.
[irritated] She can’t be a cabin boy, she’s a girl.
Teesh is a young orphan girl (10-11 years old) living on the streets of Saint Mareen. She first meets Gareth and Izzy when she steals a bag of artifacts they are looking to sell.
Teesh is brash and street smart. Her defenses collapse when she meets Henry who happens to look just like a stuffed toy she had when she was little. Female child voice.
The actor who plays Teesh will also be asked to voice the lines of Fate in the prologue.
- female child
Teesh, that’s my name.
What else would you call something that was totally on purpose?
Get off me! You’re heavy!
Melinda is a forest Dryad, a species that exudes sexuality. Her voice starts out sultry, and then becomes frustrated when her husband, Deek Nutleiss, shows up. Female adult voice.
- female adult
Have you truly found the lost texts?
Well then let’s see how much of a cunning linguist you are.
(frustrated / angry) Woodrot! Bastard wasn’t supposed to be home for another week!
The head of Deek Nutleiss’ personal guard. He rose to command by being just slightly smarter than the other morons Nutleiss hired. Rough male voice.
- male adult
I call dragonshit on that. Everyone knows you short little Dwarves like to tell tall tales.
[chuckling] We don’t need to.
[respectful] What sort of magic are you threatening us with, Scholar?
Deek and Jamice Nutleiss were born into the richest merchant family in the IRD. They grew up extremely spoiled, and therefore believe everyone else exists to serve them. Deek inherited the family business, while Jamice became the head of the Political Philosophy department at the University.
Since the brothers are described as both looking and sounding very similar, they will be played by the same actor. The brothers have nasally, slightly whiny voices.
- male adult
Melinda… Melinda my dear, open up my little shrub.
Thank you, esteemed Chancellor.
It’s pronounced ‘Noot - leece’ you cretin!
The Chancellor of the University Arcanum is a very elderly man who oversees the day to day running of the university. He is also responsible for enforcing the protocol rules during any official university function. He has a soft spot in his heart for Tralnis. Elderly male voice.
- male senior
We are gathered here in this year 13,026 after the Second Great Apocalypse.
The Conclave recognizes Doctor Tralnis Granitestaff.
If you had such reservations, you should have spoken up earlier.
The Dean of the University Arcanum is a scheming old man willing to do, or say, anything to get what he wants [think Dumbledore.]
- male senior
Ah yes, we get to matter at hand.
Professor Mintel, can you explain to me why a rather influential merchant was in my office smelling strongly of horse flatulence?
Begone, and take that smelly best with you!
Bregga is a surly Dwarf who works for the IRD Shipping Guild. Her attitude gets much worse when she sees her ex-boyfriend, Tralnis Granitestaff, who had cheated on her repeatedly (with her brother). Bregga has a deep, female voice with a noticeable Scottish brogue. Can be played by either a man or a woman.
- female adult
- scottish
I thought I had seen the last of your two-timing hide!
Gods below and above, save me from stupid ground pounders.
Now be off, and take that pile of dragonshite, Granitestaff, with you!
Pilot is a Roehus, a race that does not use names. Instead of names, they use either descriptors (short passenger that is also our doctor) or refer to themselves and others by their positions. Roehus show very little emotion, even in the heat of battle. That said, they do have a dry sense of humor. [think Spock]
- male adult
I am the Pilot of the Glorious Dawn.
Do not let the cargo ramp hit you on the ass on your way out.
We have reached the coordinates the ‘passenger who caused the undergarment soiling fall’ gave us.
Yanlith is a good hearted Dwarf who operates on the wrong side of the law as a fence. He is Tralnis’ cousin. Yanlith has a deep, male voice with a noticeable Scottish brogue.
- male adult
- scottish
We had the only dog on Hadronus that didn’t lick its balls just for fun.
Go on, Teesh, the biscuits are in the kitchen where I always keep them.
Let’s finish up business so those of us old enough to drink can go get pissed with our family.
The spirit of a Mascalian who was head of the royal guard. He vowed to serve the Mintel family in life and beyond. He once wielded the Void Rod Gareth now possesses. A no nonsense type of person.
- male adult
(confused) Odd.
Hold, old one, I do not think he understands what we are talking about.
I swore to protect the Mintel family in life and beyond.
The spirit of a Mascalian who was the blacksmith that crafted the Void Rods. A Warm, cheerful person.
- male adult
Of course he looks odd, styles change over the years.
You must have meditated and fasted in order to get your consciousness to enter the weapon.
Yes... I suppose that could work, but it would require truly tremendous magical powers to do that.
Central is the automaton that runs the day to day operations of Mascal. He was created by Gareth’s father, and therefore thinks of Gareth as a sibling. Unlike the other automatons, Central does not have a mobile body.
- male adult
Your father used to bring you here when he made me. In a way, you and I are siblings.
(frustrated) That’s not how magic works at all.
If you wish to visit, you will have to bring your own food. The island is sterile.
Alex is a caterpillar shaped Automaton who is the foreman at the experimental dry docks. They are cheerful to a fault and happiest when building airships. The only brief glimpse of sadness pops up when they find out the nephew of his favorite engineer turned out to be a linguist instead of following the family trade. Alex has an androgynous voice.
- androgynous
How exciting! You get to take the airship into combat on her maiden voyage.
(sad) I see. (upbeat again) Oh well, no one’s perfect.
(super hero style) I stand for truth, justice, and engineering excellence.
Prof. Duolingo is head of the Languages Department at the University Arcanum. Gareth Mintel is his star pupil turned favorite teacher. He has only one line, which is him endorsing Gareth.
- male adult
I, Professor Markus Duolingo, head of the School of Languages, strongly second this recommendation for tenure!
One part of a pair of night guards who not only work together, but are romantically linked. He stumbles across Gareth, Henry, and Tralnis skulking about during his rounds. He lets them go when he mistakes what they are up to. He leaves them to their own devices while he and his boyfriend go off for some carnal rest and relaxation.
- male adult
Huh? What are you three doing skulking around here late at night?
The last time we watched a Dwarf led ménage a Trois, I was distracted for a week trying to figure out how they managed to get into some of the positions they did.
University Guard 1’s partner in more ways than one. He trusts his boyfriend, and defers decisions to him. He only has three short lines.
- male adult
Did you find what was making all of that noise?
Do you want to hang around and watch?
I thought you would never ask.
Standard bored guard who has little tolerance for “ground pounders”. He treats Gareth like an idiot, but tolerates Izzy since she is part of the airship community.
- male adult
Papers please.
(like speaking to a stupid person) You park your wagon over there where all of the other wagons are parked, in the obvious parking lot, marked with the large sign that reads wagon parking.
Overly eager pirate who jumps too soon trying to get onto the Glorious Dawn. He manages to grab a hold of the side of the ship, only to meet his fate at the hands of a foul liquid thrown out a window. A second use of Pirate 1 is in the final episode.
- male adult
Leeroy Jenkins!
Thank the gods and their wizards, an open window!
(disgusted) Gods! What did they throw in my face?!
Leader of the pirate boarding party. Has the terrible luck of getting his scrotum scrambled with a skillet. A second use of Pirate 2 is in the final episode.
- male adult
Idiot always jumps too early.
Your mum seemed to think so last night.
(high pitched whimper) Right in me pirate privates!
- male adult
(while fighting one of the heroes) Gah! What happened to your face?!
(in pain from being blinded) My eyes!
Pirate who surrenders to Gareth after the last battle.
- male adult
(hesitant) Um, you are, sir?
Don’t rightly know, sir. Most of the officers were in the wheelhouse when you went and blew it up.
The only remaining officer is our cook, and no one listens to that scaly prick.
Generic henchman. He’s having an innocent conversation with a fellow slaver when he’s knocked senseless by a tossed Dwarf.
- male adult
I ain’t afraid of no silly glowing eyes. I’ll gut you boy.
So, what are you planning on doing with your share of the money?
Slaver 2:
Generic henchman who gets poo flung on him and later kicked in the groin. Rough male voice.
- male adult
Shit!
(high pitched whimper) You call this lucky?
Generic henchman who wrestles the team’s doctor and then has his hand bitten off by Sheldon. (fighting grunts, shocked, pain scream) He is reused in the next episode.
- male adult
My hand! It bit off my hand!
Now that's what I like to hear. I broke me last slave after I tied her to the cannon and…
Pirate sword master who is as good as he says he is. Arrogant, aristocratic male voice.
- male adult
Who knows, you might be good enough to make me break a sweat.
Let go of my sword, you bitch! You’re going to scratch it!
The last surviving slaver after facing a possessed Gareth. Injured and terrified.
- male adult
I don’t know if anyone else is still alive. At least 30 men dead as easy as someone slaughtering chickens.
That’s not a man, it’s a demon!
Loni is a Mascallan automaton, a being created by the merging of magic and machines. Like the other automatons, her personality is a copy of one donated by an anonymous Mascalian. LONI is Central’s secretary. She enjoys gossip and fashion.
- female adult
Please, just call me LONI. Unless you lot are some sort of ambassadors, I don’t see why we should have to keep things formal.
(shocked) That’s not possible!
Exposed gears is so last millennium.
Arrogant captain of the pirates’ destroyer airship. He is overconfident until he realizes he is out gunned.
- male adult
Ha! They know it too. They’re turning tail and running away.
Turn! Turn! They’re aiming that monstrous cannon at our wheelhouse! Dammit turn!
For once I'm glad I'm stationed at the slave pens.
I'll be having fun with the pretties while the others are distracted.
*Say something you think would fit*
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