Once Upon a Time in 1999

Once Upon a Time in 1999

Project Overview

Hiring lead artists, programmers and voice actors for ‘Once Upon a Time in 1999’, a choices-matter narrative-driven visual novel wherein inspirations of 90s animated pop culture square off in a gritty new urban fantasy and dark comedy.


Synopsis:

Displaced teenager and self-proclaimed 'Queen of the Playground', Gdiva, finds her life upturned when an invading force of animatronic Tinkertoys decimates the slums of Saint Nick's City. Journeying with the darkly troubled card-dueler, Junior, and hot-headed animal tamer, Hakone Kimiko, Gdiva wages a desperate rebellion against the twisted pop culture mascot, Superbee Come Learn With Me, and his amusement park pantheon forever declared as 'The Greatest Kingdom on Earth.'


OUAT99 is an adult appropriation of titles such as 'Sailor Moon', 'Yu-Gi-Oh,' 'Pokemon', Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and the Disney Channel, stylised to the urban infamy of the 1990s and the sociocultural divides that defined them.


Rates:

VAs are conventionally paid at 0.5USD a word, while artists and programmers are able to present their own rate of payment when approached or via their submitted portfolios.


Demo Only:

This casting is for Chapter One of OUAT99 to be released as a standalone demo for further backing. Following so, cast and crew will be approached if they wish to continue into production for the full release, which will be completed in a single block rather than as an infinite or unknown number of rolling updates. It is not a requirement to be locked in after this demo and to continue on with your designated role. Thank you!



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Latest Updates

  • OUAT99 Roles Assigned

    Hello All,

    This is an update regarding roles for 'Once Upon a Time in 1999.'

    As of today, all Voice Actors have been privately messaged offers for the characters listed.

    In the event that a VA has not accepted a role for any particular reason, the submitted auditions will be called on for new offers.

    I'd also like to announce that, due to so many wonderful auditions, the role of Betti Vendetti has now been divided into an infinite number of Betti dolls in different attire and occupations, each with a unique voice actor. In other words, a President Betti, a Soccer Player Betti, a Classic Betti But With a New Hat, etc.

    So, if you're in the Betti pool, chances are you might get a message from me in the future should OUAT99 continue into full development.

    Thank you again for all of your support. Should other projects enter development as well, I will update via this page so we can continue sharing the fun and sheer nonsense these stories have to offer.

    Kind Regards,

    The Big Kids' Clubhouse

  • 1000 Auditions! OUAT99 Results

    Hello All,

    This is an update regarding roles for 'Once Upon a Time in 1999.' I can officially say in my own amazement that CCC alone has now finished with over 1100 auditions!

    That is an incredible turnout and a heartwarming show of support that I would like to thank each and every one of you for. Your time and effort in creating your applications is deeply appreciated, and it was just so uplifting to hear how much fun VAs were having in these utterly bonkers characters.

    The next two weeks will be dedicated to sorting through applications on multiple platforms which have all come to a close. As this project is funded by a government art body here in Australia, there is also the wonderful task of documenting every single action, offer and acceptance in the meantime (oh joy).

    So, fear not any radio silence as we will be chipping away at the iceberg and will be contacting successful applicants when the time comes.

    If you would like to read general feedback for the entire cohort, I have listed key takeaways for VAs below. Otherwise, thank you again for your support and I hope we’ll be on the road together soon!

     

    -- Feedback –

    1.       If a line is hard to say, then say it differently.

     

    So, those were some long sentences, right? We were all a bit out of breath trying to reach the end of them. As this was expected on the receiving end, it didn’t impact whether or not a voice was considered suitable (that would be pretty unfair). However, it did shine a light on who was paying attention to the grammar and knew not to be hurling out whole paragraphs in a single breath.

     

    Zack’s opening line was easily the best example of this:

    “How safe and secure you thought you were, lying defenceless! In your prepubescent ring of plush toys and abandonment issues. Little did you know that I, the great and powerful Zackery, had been stewing away in the juices of these dampest and darkest corners – aided by nothing but this day-old lasagne tray left out for the cats.”

     

    In this paragraph, an exclamation mark (!), a comma (,) and an em rule (–) are all indicators that you should be stopping, breathing and separating your phrases. For example, this could mean emphasising DEFENCELESS, breaking and then speaking the following sentence twice as fast to give it a distinguishable rhythm - then back to a standard pace for the next. By breaking it up into the shorter phrases provided by the grammar, you can recite your lines in a way that is accomplishable and thereby shows off the qualities your voice rather than bury it. To do so, you need to be creative with your delivery and pay attention to the grammar that is hinting you along. My biggest round of applause for Zack applicants that did in fact figure out this code and spoke with a punchy rhythm.

     

    2.       Know what you’re saying.

     

    These characters are fairly mad… Superbee above all else. Really question before performing a take what on earth it is they’re actually trying to convey. Otherwise, we may end up reading lines in monotone fashion when we should be acting out all of the different forms of emotive emphasis we place on different words and phrases in a sentence. If an entire monologue sounds relatively the same, then it’s a good indicator that the VA might not understand what needs to be emoted and when – that the character and their intentions have been lost in the jumble of script.

     

    3.       Don’t go with the flow.

     

    This is personal bias but I will passionately attest that, in a cohort of 1000, you do not want to be on the bell curve of auditions that sound similar to each other. I need to remember you! This was a big worry for the role of Tai as, in an effort to be in character, VAs went grunge monotone to the point that every sentence was indistinguishable, auditions were indistinguishable and I could not measure who can be happy, sad, angry, screaming, crying etc. in this character. I was quite worried we were listening to each other and thinking ‘this must be what they want.’ In retrospect, I would have changed those lines to force out a greater intersection of emotions for more chaotic angst.

    To sum up, always consider your personal delivery as something that must stand out in a crowd rather than check off specific boxes. You can do so by making sure you're conveying a workable spectrum of emotive states, considering each line as unique from the other or, of course, throwing some dynamite and performing the character in a completely different style than what was expected.

    Focusing on the positives, it was a wonderful and hysterical experience listening to these auditions. There will be VAs be offered roles they didn't anticipate and entirely new roles created just to showcase some of the wild talent you've all presented. I wish the absolute best for your creative careers and hope you've had a good deal of fun along the way.

    All the Best,

    The Big Kids' Clubhouse

Artist
Artist
Character Design/Reference Artist
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 350 USD
cast offsite

The role of the Character Artist is to design 2D references in liaison with the Director for the CG & Sprite Artist to interpret. This job requires the ability to conjure imagery through independent and creative thinking based off only ideas and concepts.


Characters included are both humanoid and creatures. You may find them listed as the voice-acting roles on this casting call.


In terms of art style, OUAT99 preferences non-anime designs that instead move toward western illustrations. Examples of taking inspiration from Japanese pop culture into a more Disney-centric style are available here, created by Charles Deroo https://shorturl.at/flrH1.


Artists and programmers are able to present their own rate of payment when approached or via their submitted portfolios. You may ignore the flat rate which is an estimated average of a high-quality artwork.



  • *Say something you think would fit*

Artist
Artist
Sprite, CG & Background Artist(s)
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 350 USD
cast offsite

This bracket includes multiple roles which you may apply for separately or in combination:


The role of the Sprite Artist is to create multiple emotive poses of the characters designed as inferred from the references, script and audio recordings.


The role of the CG Artist is to create high-quality scenes as a form of in-game 'special event' as inferred from the storyboard, references, script and audio recordings.


The role of the Background Artist is to create multiple in-game backdrops as inferred from the script and your own individual conceptualisation.


In terms of art style, OUAT99 preferences non-anime designs that instead move toward western illustrations. Examples of taking inspiration from Japanese pop culture into a more Disney-centric style are available here, created by Charles Deroo https://shorturl.at/flrH1.


Artists and programmers are able to present their own rate of payment when approached or via their submitted portfolios. You may ignore the flat rate which is an estimated average of a high-quality artwork.

  • *Say something you think would fit*

Artist
Artist
Cover, Typography & Graphic Artist(s)
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 350 USD
cast offsite

This bracket includes multiple roles which you may apply for separately or in combination: 


The role of the Cover Artist is to create marketable posters and banners of the project to be used on sites such as IMDb.


The role of the Typography/Graphic Artist is to create text-based designs of the project title to be utilized by the Cover Artist.


In terms of art style, OUAT99 preferences non-anime designs that instead move toward western illustrations. Examples of taking inspiration from Japanese pop culture into a more Disney-centric style are available here, created by Charles Deroo https://shorturl.at/flrH1.


Artists and programmers are able to present their own rate of payment when approached or via their submitted portfolios. You may ignore the flat rate which is an estimated average of a high-quality artwork.

  • *Say something you think would fit*

Video Editor
Video Editor
Programmer(s)
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 350 USD
cast offsite

The role of the Programmer or Programming Team is the overall implementation of all visual and audio content into a playable format. This broadly encompasses many aspects from developing User Interfaces to coding Choices-Matter Branches and emotive Sprites at each and every sentence.


As such, this role is open-ended to the abilities of the applicant and what they believe they can contribute based off their own professional experience and software competencies. (It's a big role and expectations shouldn't be dropped on one human being to carry).


Engineering audio and creating foley is not a requirement of this role.


Artists and programmers are able to present their own rate of payment when approached or via their submitted portfolios. You may ignore the flat rate which is an estimated average of a high-quality artwork.

  • *Say something you think would fit*

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Gdiva Goodnight
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 250 USD
cast offsite

[Geh-Dee-Vah]


Yep, that's her name. Or so she claims.


Gdiva is a brattish and eccentric 19-year-old abandoned at birth. She lives out her days as 'Queen of the Playground', amassing a makeshift castle of toys within Saint Nick's junkyard to idealise and glorify the self-worth denied to her through financial and social hardships.


As inspired by the Magical Girl genre born into popularity by the 90s animated legend, 'Sailor Moon', Gdiva suffers from Protagonist Syndrome, in which she beliefs herself to be the silly, preppy, glamorous and obnoxious hero the entire world revolves around. Sailor Moon was the Lucille Ball of its time, and Gdiva's overwhelming absurdity and brazen ego does best to imitate her predecessors' ability to inspire through an art of clown-like entertainment.


The Clubhouse promotes diversity of all backgrounds, genders and orientations. All VAs are encouraged to apply but, if available, the role of Gdiva is highly preferenced for an actor of colour due to significant themes presented in its story. Thank you.

Language:
  • english
Voice description:
  • female young adult
  • female teen
  • american
  • funny
  • Egotistical
  • Cocky
  • Sarcastic
  • Annoying
  • Crazy
  • "Hold it right there, area children. You trespass on the grounds of I, catlike vision of feral justice and wholesale killing Queen of the Playground, one Gdiva Goodnight! For a crime in this kingdom, there is no pardon. Play with my toys, and I’ll send you straight back to kindergarten."

  • "Your rhymes are lame! And your shot is as bad as the elementary school bullies I’ve held captive for twenty-eight days unnoticed." [A Child Crys in the Distance]. "Shut up, Oliver!"

  • "You see this staff? It’s my skeleton key. My divining rod. Each dial corresponds to a machine I rigged for remote control. Or at least to a toy helicopter I duct taped to every joystick I could find. Point is, this place is a sentient clump of metal’s worst nightmare. With this, we can beat him, but only if you’re ready to help me." [Extends hand] "What say you, Junior. Can you be brave tonight?" [Junior: You know my name?] [Gdiva, Revolted] "That’s your name? My god, that’s not very original. It’s like they knew not to invest in you as a person."

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Junior
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 225 USD
cast offsite

Junior is a 12-year-old orphan and passionate devotee of the animatronic mascot, Superbee Come Learn With Me. He believes himself to be the naive, bright-eyed and hopeful hero portrayed in Superbee's stories as a parasocial relationship gone to the extreme. Junior is young and innocent but harbours something within him that is dark and disturbed, taking form on screen as a collection of ominous blank playing cards left to him at birth and his absolute refusal to believe that Superbee is capable of villainy.


As a card-dueler banking on the power of love and friendship, Junior is inspired by the Trading Card Genre (TCG) of anime including the famed 90s program, 'Yu-Gi-Oh'. His voice is of best suit to that of a young child; one that is often the brunt of the joke and picked on by other characters for his presumed naivety.

Language:
  • english
Voice description:
  • male child
  • male teen
  • american
  • Innocent
  • Naive
  • Happy-go-lucky
  • inspirational
  • Ominous
  • Sad
  • Geeky
  • "Not a stick or a rock or cardboard in rot. A game with nothing can be anything you want. That’s what Superbee says."

  • "I collect everything Superbee makes. Every Tinkertoy from Peter Peekaboo to Dinodactyl, Her Liege Faeline and even the controversial Betti Vendetti. Nobody can tell me what these cards are, but I know Superbee just had to have made them. He makes everything else."

  • [Upset] “Miss Holiday buys me the toys! If she had got me the cards too, she would have told me… I was left with these because someone cared about me. If they were made by Superbee, then he cares about me too. You’re just jealous she doesn’t get you anything.”

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Zack
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 600 USD
cast offsite

"I put my hands on my hips and say ‘nyuk nyuk nyuk’ like every other normal person."


Zack is an obnoxious 18-year-old jock and Junior's worst best friend. Equipped with spiky hair, frosted tips, baggy pants and a lexicon of sexually inappropriate commentary, Zack is the ultimate male blonde of the 1990s and the most common comedic relief of OUAT99.


Loud, arrogant and immature best describe Zack's ceaseless outbursts, tantrums and rolling punchlines of crudity. Taking inspiration from such characters as 'Pokemon's' Gary Oak, 'Yu-Gi-Oh's' Joey Wheeler and Seto Kaiba, Zack is a playground bully refusing to admit that his victims are his only friends.

Language:
  • english
Voice description:
  • male young adult
  • male teen
  • american
  • loud
  • funny
  • Stubborn
  • Hormonal
  • Arrogant
  • Sleazy
  • Idiotic
  • Immature
  • [Cackles maniacally] “How safe and secure you thought you were, lying defenceless! In your prepubescent ring of plush toys and abandonment issues. Little did you know that I, the great and powerful Zackery, had been stewing away in the juices of these dampest and darkest corners – aided by nothing but this day-old lasagne tray left out for the cats. Now has come the hour of my reckoning. Fear me and my carb-heavy reprisal!” [Throwing Tray] “Hiya!” [A Bookcase Falls on Zack. He Screams]. “Save me, felines of the underworld! Protect your king!”

  • [Discovering Tunnel] “Pft, I knew a badger that did the same thing but way bigger. Ever hear what happened to Tracey Goodmen at the drive-in theatre?” [Tai: Tracey Goodmen did not fall through a badger hole]. “She so fell through a badger hole. Right down to badger fucking hell. And the only way to stop her is to light thirteen rings of fire and bury a small mammal in every single one of them.”

  • [Regarding Tinkertoys] “Like I could ever want these creepy little monsters trying to rob me of my soul every time I go to sleep. And if I did, mine would be the coolest rarest most fucking awesome collection you’ve ever seen.” [Little Suzy: Miss Holiday, I can’t sleep...] “Shut up, Suzy! You’re an orphan. What are you even waking up to?”

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Tai
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 260 USD
cast offsite

Tai is a grunge-goth-emo 17-year-old activist with more opinions than frayed shirts and eyeliner. As the third of Zack and Junior's dysfunctional trio, he is often in vicious debate over the worship of Superbee Come Learn With Me's consumer-based empire. While prone to emotional outbursts, Tai is considered a trustworthy leader of the group as the only character with a semblance of rationality.


Tai is inspired by the TCG subgenre of Monster Hunters such as Pokemon, Digimon, Scannerz and Chaotic. His personality, however, is his own. Brimming with teenage angst, forced darkness and a tendency to cry to the music of Goo Goo Dolls, Tai is locked in a state of eternal internal conflict.

Language:
  • english
Voice description:
  • Emotional
  • serious
  • threatening
  • male teen
  • male young adult
  • american
  • deadpan
  • political
  • goth
  • High Strung
  • “I only seek to underscore the injustice of a legal system that would consider us unfavourable cattle to be whored from oppressor to oppressor.” [Miss Holiday: You stapled a rat to my bedroom door]. “A small price to destabilise your corruption.”

  • “So, we’ll protect the artificial insectoid of a corporate overlord and yet do nothing as the real thing plunges toward extinction. Do you understand what happens when the bees die out, Miss Holiday?”

  • [Sobbing to the lyrics of ‘Iris’ by Goo Goo Dolls] “And I don’t want the world to see me! Cause I don’t think that they understand… when everything’s made to be broken… I just want you to know who I am!”

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Superbee Come Learn With Me
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 175 USD
cast offsite

"Everything you see here is a Superbee original. Ask anyone. And if they deny it, kill them."


The veritable king of all castles, Superbee Come Learn With Me is an animated, animatronic and insectoid icon that reigns as villain of OUAT99. Based out of an amusement park bastion, Superbee wages a nation-wide coup through the help of his deranged Tinkertoys in establishing the Greatest Kingdom on Earth. He seeks to manipulate the love and worship of his media empire to subject the world to a twisted design in which heroism and villainy is no longer distinguishable.


As inspired by a certain other global pop-culture conglomerate, Superbee is all about satire and metanarratives. He frequently undercuts the darkness of his actions with off-colour, wall-breaking and careless humour as he is, in fact, a comedy king and one of the strongest agents of humour in OUAT99.


Such voices as both Greg Ayres' and Brian Peacock's simultaneous takes on Monokuma of 'Danganronpa' are brilliant examples of 'adorable mascot attempts mass murder' in an animated format. Or, for those with hoarser throats, Iago of 'Aladdin' may be a better muse.


Superbee often has full monologues unlike other characters. You are not required to read out the entirety of the script below. It's just a great example to see how he differs from the rest of the cast in delivery.

Language:
  • english
Voice description:
  • Crazy
  • funny
  • Sadistic
  • Villainous
  • Scratchy
  • male young adult
  • american
  • Sarcastic
  • evil
  • Squeaky
  • cartoonish
  • "Tonight we begin with a bright-eyed unremarkable. A weak boy with brown hair, a baseball cap and plenty to prove. He’s underwhelmingly human and mildly existent, with a personality for sure but let’s not fly off the rails here. That boy is a bag of blood, brains, a skeleton and all other things we find relatable in a person of destiny. He’s thirteen and has a dog so a lot of people’s lives are riding on him. In true paragon fashion, he was escorted to a pair of bloodied oak doors looming on the edge of town and given a sword of great power, we assume. The mayor shook his hand and wished him the best, because if he could defeat pure evil then all of us might feel capable of facing an average day with a splinter of commitment. We haven’t heard back from the boy but we like to think he’s doing well. Superworld likes to think all of its citizens will do well in their paths of indistinct heroism that potentially inspire us but not always. At the very least, we will always remember his name. As Superbee Come Learn With Me says: if you’re still looking for the point, you’ve entirely missed it! Until next time kids, just bee yourself. Or die trying."

  • "Ahem. Attention. Attention. One, two, beat her with a shoe. This is a special announcement from Superbee Come Learn With Me. For too long your sweet hamlets have been in disrepair. Disregarded. Dilapidated. Utterly discombobulated! But fear thee not, for your six-legged prince of a viciously trademarked ether has come to liberate you at last! All residents are required to stay indoors during these most delicate proceedings as my loyal tinkertoys and tots see to the necessary changes. A new world, a brighter world, awaits those under the flag of Superbee in what will forever be known as the Greatest Kingdom on Earth. For all those outside their homes, however, along with all you troublemakers, naysayers and misguided enforcers of the old law, you will be subject to a mild sedative and returned to safety. We at Superworld would like to thank everyone for their cooperation. If it were not for your love and support, this day may never have come. As Superbee says: just bee yourself, but today, may we bee something even greater."

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Betti Vendetti
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 118 USD
cast offsite

Betti Vendetti is a discontinued fashion icon reborn as a Tinkertoy in Superbee's army. Threatening our safety with a smile, Betti is a poised and ever-beautiful Barbie-derivative that frequents OUAT99's staged ad breaks, billboards and Junior's own backpack.


Despite her perky words of wisdom, Betti is prone to violent and hysterical outbursts that extend well beyond the realms of homicide against any competitor that would disrupt her perfect image. Whether it's holding a knife to a bunny's throat or telling Junior to burn things, the challenge of voicing Betti is deviating from eloquent one-liners to rampages of sheer insanity.

Language:
  • english
Voice description:
  • Perky
  • positive
  • refined
  • Feminine
  • Crazy
  • Psychotic
  • female young adult
  • american
  • Barbie
  • Doll
  • inspirational
  • Violent
  • eloquent
  • [Pull-String Doll] "Words are weapons, but weapons are also weapons. Find your bullies and kill them."

  • [Commercial Break] "This episode brought to you by Betti Vendetti’s Razor-Sharp Confetti. If you’re not invited to a party, teach them to regretti. Available in stores now."

  • [Betti Breaks into a TV Commercial Starring a Cereal Princess and Her Cottage Critters] “Well, well, Princess Buttercup. We finally meet.” [Buttercup: Who are you?] “Don’t interrupt me! Think you and your little cottage-critter daydreams can compete with my airtime? Well, you’re in Superbee Country now, whore. So, you’re going to give me all the jewels of Tum Tum Valley…” [Draws Knife and a Rabbit] “Or Mr Honey Bunny and the Carrot Cake Choir are going to be singing their last tune. [Mrs Owl Screams: Son!] “Shut up, Mrs Owl! Shut the fuck up! Or you and your weird inter-species adoption backstory are going to be pulling a lot more tears today.”

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Miss Holiday
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 195 USD
cast offsite

Miss Holiday is the foster mother of Junior, Zack, Tai and Gdiva's upbringing in the outer slums of Saint Nick's City. As a minor role, her delivery is more open-ended to various interpretations, whether that be a stern, tired and sarcastic authority figure or a drunken disasterpiece.


Either way, she's a mature-aged woman who puts up with a lot and gets enough screentime to warrant an audition before... um.. catching alight.

Language:
  • english
Voice description:
  • female adult
  • Mature
  • tired
  • serious
  • Angry
  • Irritated
  • Sarcastic
  • eloquent
  • american
  • british
  • irish
  • [Furious] “It is eleven at night, I have several infants crying and little Suzy has a concussion.”

  • [Earnest] “You know, I had a girl just like you. Collected every Tinkertoy she could find. Every race car, every playhouse, every limited-edition cereal box that more often than not was assorted with indigestible metals.” [Junior: Betti Vendetti’s Sugar-Coated Shreddies!] “For each spoonful you’ll never be ready. And, by the lord, was Jimmy not ready.” [Junior: Is he still on that farm? I didn’t even get to say goodbye.] “Well, I doubt he could’ve gone any quicker.”

  • “According to the rest of the kids, some nutter now lives out of the park in a giant castle made from all the toys she collected over the years. They call her 'the Queen of the Playground.' Children are as about as reliable as the nutritional values of a cereal box but, wherever she is, she couldn’t have gotten far.”

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Peter Peekaboo
closed
Paid: Flat Rate 100 USD
cast offsite

As cuddly as he is disturbing, Peter Peekaboo is an animatronic rabbit under Superbee's command and the first boss fight of OUAT99.


Equipped with a colour dial that corresponds to various weaponry at his disposal, Peter is a sweetly-spoken rhyming psychopath that may or may not harbour the desire to whack young children with a hilariously large mallet. Peter is not a self-aware know-it-all like Superbee but instead a subservient one-track mind set out to do his bidding. Albeit, with a smile.


If you're voicing Superbee, it's highly recommended to give this homicidal hare a go, and to do so with a somewhat creepy variation.

Language:
  • english
Voice description:
  • male young adult
  • male teen
  • male child
  • creature
  • american
  • cartoonish
  • Happy-go-lucky
  • creepy
  • Sinister
  • threatening
  • Squeaky
  • positive
  • "Peekaboo brings an important message! Hours this late are for Santa, sex and the dead. Superbee says, ‘please go back to bed.’ If this hare wasn’t fair, he’d have other tricks to dare. One Peter Peekaboo commands, you will go back to bed."

  • [Choking Junior] "Enough of your trickery! We’ve reached now the periphery. Throw down your staff or you’ll find my grip is not one too slippery. The staff, the power, throw it all down. O’ Queen of the Playground, relinquish your crown."

  • [Mocking Gdvia] "Aw, sweet chickadee realised the power of love only extended her misery. Is this the part where a rainbow bursts from your chest and destroys all that is corrupt? Take this lesson, dearie, as overdue as it is… Grow up."

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