BearBones
Project Overview
A spoiled, loudmouthed upper class has-been by the name of Lord Phillip Shelforde, 16th Duke of Marlyebone (Phil for short) aims to break free from obscurity by getting attention any way he can, with his latest ploy being to join one of England's most notorious gentleman's clubs, a shadowy board of cads, bounders, rotters, dastards, bastards, etc. known as The Wormwood Club, who thrive off of being mild nuisances to society at best and utterly depraved menaces at worst.
Prospective Wormwood members must commit a minimum of 500 nefarious deeds to be considered for membership, and Phil is determined to meet this quota by any means necessary, blissfully unaware that most of the members don't like him much but do enjoy leading him on if only to watch him make an ass of himself.
With his loyal, put-upon maid Willowby always in tow, Phil will spend every episode embarking on increasingly ridiculous globetrotting quests for infamy to try (and often fail) to do just that, all while putting up with his annoying wife and 3 (man)children, not to mention dealing with all the tedious goings-on that come with being a member of Britain's perpetually struggling landed gentry in the latter half of the 20th century.
The show is primarily an adult comedy cartoon in the vain of things like The Simpsons, Family Guy, and Drawn Together (with a little bit of action-adventure sprinkled in for flavor), the episodic nature of something like Ren and Stimpy and/or any given 60s Hanna Barbera cartoon, and with a little bit of class satire a la PG Wodehouse mixed in- basically a weird, messed up Frankenstein of a bunch of things that you wouldn't think would go together but oddly kind of do if you squint.
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The main character. Brash and headstrong, not used to being told no and generally doesn't have much of a filter. His dream is to finally become a member of the Wormwood Club, a gentleman's club reserved for only the most unpleasant denizens of the British upper class wherein members must commit at least 500 evil deeds to get in, something Phil is determined to achieve come hell or high water.
He's a real self-righteous, caddish, smarmy David Niven/Terry Thomas type so ideally he should have a really posh British accent and should sound like he's about 40-50something. Try to make him sound unique but not so unique or cartoony that it's grating or hard to take him seriously when he's genuinely upset. He should generally have a very outgoing, manly-sounding, up-to-no-good vibe to his voice if that makes sense.
Keep in mind that you're playing a rich Tory-voting asshole born in the 1920s in a show set in the 70s so if you're not comfortable saying like out-of-pocket, backwards stuff sometimes then probably don't audition for him. Like you'll never have to say any slurs or say anything well and truly racist or queerphobic or anything like that but y'know expect a lot of "women belong in the kitchen" and "I still don't trust those damn Germans......." type stuff
- english
- posh english
- male adult
- posh british
- english (british)
- british (posh)
- british
*BOLD AND CONGRATULATORY* Good show, Willowby! Perhaps you're not as stupid as you look!
*NERVOUSLY FAKE-CHEERFUL* Ohh yes yes of course, i COULDNT agree more! *LEANING OVER AND HALF WHISPERING* say Willowby, how much longer do I have to play up to these smelly long haired freaks? I can feel these CBD oils eroding my brain cells as we speak.....
*MAD AND KINDA SOUNDING LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO CRY* Thats IT!! I could put up with forsaking the comforts of home to be in a strange, backwards land where everyone drives on the wrong side of the road, I could STOMACH wearing these stupid knee-high frilly boots and wearing this hideous white button-up- AFTER LABOR DAY NO LESS!!!- , i GOT USED TO hearing you butcher our lovely English mothertongue by using that hideuous contraction "y'all", but I draw the line at POLYGAMY!!! Phil Shelforde is a DAMN good cowboy and a good cowboy is NOBODY'S cuck!!! GOOD DAY!!!
Phil's unfaithful trophy wife who hates his guts and is unhealthily preoccupied with outdoing her friends and always looking and being the best.
Should, like her husband, also have a posh British accent, and kind of a bitchy, perpetually barely interested tone of voice unless she gets mad in which case it gets very shrill and grating and even bitchier. She's roughly in her late 40s so someone with a feminine, mature voice (or someone who can pull it off) would be ideal, basically just play her like someone doing an impression of their least favorite aunt.
- english
- english
- english (british)
- female adult
- english (posh)
- british (posh)
- british
*DISMISSIVELY* Well, yes, but to assume that I'd help you at all would imply that I liked you at all, and I just don't think I could stomach that.
*ANNOYED* Oh, do leave Gerald be, Phil, he's only 28! *MUSHY BABY-TALK VOICE* there there darling, don't listen to him, Mummy knows you just have a lot of energy to burn off, you go to as many stag-dos as you like and we'll cover the costs in property damage, okay? mmmmwah :
*PISSED OFF* I did NOT turn down John F Kennedy, Baron Rothschild, AND Fidel Castro ALL IN THE SAME YEAR to settle for a lazy, incompetent sack of rubbish who's content to let me rot in last week's rags! Now you're gonna break into the Natural History Museum and nab the ENTIRE Aurora Pyramid of Hope for me or so help me GOD you'll have to eat the rest of that duck liver patte through a STRAW!!!
Phil and Edwina's oldest son who stands to inherit the family fortune, titles, and all that comes with it but would rather do anything but. Fancies himself as like a socially conscious, deep and artsy hippie type but it's all a facade he perpetuates to try (and fail) to look cool, piss off his traditional staunchly tory parents, and score with chicks.
He's in his early 30s but is sort of a manchild, so he should still sound his age but have sort of a whiney, nasally, whispy tone of voice. He should also obviously have the same accent as his parents (to his dismay).
- english
- british (posh)
- posh english
- british
- posh british
- english (british)
- male adult
*ANNOYINGLY SACCARINE* shhh shhhhh.... do you hear that? that's the sound of a *memory* being made <:}
*WHINING IN A PLEADING TONE OF VOICE* No mummy you HAVE to hear me out on this! I know I said the same thing about these earings and the tattoo of a crying dove on my stomach but getting a poodle cut is the only way to show everyone the me i am INSIDE!!! To tie me down to this clean-cut Corgi look all my life would be to tell Dali to shave! To give John Lennon a buzzcut! To put Mama Cass on a crash diet!
*TRYING TO SOUND COOL* Ohh uhh yeah.... Neville used to be my name but uhhh too "old money" y'know? Nothing but a slave name to me now really, something to hold me back and keep me chained to the man.... its uhhh "Davey Starsocket" now in case you were wonde-.. Hey, wh- STOP LAUGHING!!!
The middle child and probably the most morally bankrupt member of the family which is saying a lot. Life is one big coke-filled party to him and his one objective in life is to live it up, have the best and be the best in everything and to never spend a single second being bored or made to do anything he doesn't want to, which is something that Edwina doesn't mind but that Phil takes objection to because he can't sit idly by having his evil deeds upstaged by his own flesh and blood, now can he?
He's in his late 20s and should, like his brothers, have the same plummy accent as his parents but more youthful obviously. Sort of your classic Oxford University "sloane ranger" type, a very douchey "rahhhh mate where's my baccy" type of voice. If you have no idea what I'm talking about you can look it up but essentially just play him like a frat bro past his prime because thats what he is. As for the pitch of his voice, someone around the same age (mid-late 20s, male, deep-ish voice) would be preferable.
He's kind of the same brand of "speaks his mind but really, REALLY shouldn't" as his dad but less in the politically incorrect sense and more in the gross, pervy dudebro sense so like with Phil if you'd have reservations against saying gross shit you don't agree with (and hopefully no one agrees with), I wouldn't bother auditioning for either of them. Like it's nothing rapey thank god but he's still gross and has 0 filter so expect occasional bits of dialogue that are like a horrible mix of stuff Cartman would say and stuff Johnny Bravo would say
- english
- male young adult
- british (posh)
- english (posh)
- british
- english (british)
- posh british
- posh
*PEP-TALKING HYPE MAN TONE OF VOICE* Right Neville, you remember what I told you, girls love a chap who's on the level. They want a man who *gets* them, yknow, who empathizes and lifts them up and relates to them and all that soppy girly nonsense. So I want you to walk up to her and talk about girl stuff, alright? Thats your key to success!
*INDIGNANT* Cause you're our butler, duhh! Don't butlers have to do whatever their employers say or something? Tch, ugly AND stupid, its like pick one or the other some time y'know?
*DEADPAN* Yeah sooo out of curiosity are you interested in *ever* feeling a boob? Because this whole mystical wizard thing is only going to make it harder mate I have to be honest
The youngest of the Shelforde boys and easily the least terrible member of his family. He's very gullible and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, believing until the day that it will be definitively proven otherwise that everyone is nice and wants to be his friend and that the world is one big garden full of lollipops and rainbows. His commitment to always doing the right thing and his habit of always being in the wrong place at the wrong time usually leads to the eventual foiling of his dad's evil schemes, even if he'd never mean for it to.
He's about 14 or 15 but since he barely hangs out with anyone outside the house and what few friends he does have are even dorkier softies than he is, his voice is a lot more bubbly and happy-go-lucky in tone than your average teenage boy but still mostly sounds like one so avoid making him sound like he's a toddler or anything. Yet again he's got a posh british accent like the rest of his family but I think at this point that goes without saying lol. I've been sort of playing around with the idea of him having a mild frontal lisp but that isn't essential.
He's got sort of a breathy, airheaded, sing-songy quality to his voice so basically try and voice him like a male version of how Elizabeth Morton does Madeline Bassett's voice in Jeeves and Wooster (again if you don't know what that is look it up lol). I could see him having a pre-pubescent voice just as easily as I can see his voice having changed so female/male/nonbinary VAs are all equally welcome to apply.
- english
- posh english
- british
- male teen
- british (posh)
- posh
- english (british)
*ANNOYINGLY CHEERFUL* Oh isn't this wonderful? We're learning AND laughing, all at the same time!!!
*SCARED OUT OF HIS WITS* You don't understand Willowby!! What he lacks in his family's net worth he makes up for with his fists!!!! Oh you've got to beat him up for me, Wills, you've just GOT TO!!!!
*PISSED BUT THE SORT OF PRECOCIOUS TONE KIDS TAKE ON WHEN THEYRE PISSED* Listen here, I use Mr. Cuddlynoggin for a lot of things but I will NOT let him be used for evil!! Find your cannon fodder elsewhere Oppenheimer 2: Son of Oppenheimer!!!
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