Gareth and the Lost Island - Audio drama
Project Overview
Gareth Mintel thought he had everything he ever wanted as the youngest professor in the history of the University Arcanum. At least he did until he got caught in the bedchambers belonging to the wife of one the richest merchants on the Island of Draconia. Soon after, Gareth found himself saddled with the seemingly impossible quest of finding the Lost Island of Mascal (a place most people didn’t believe existed), or be permanently banished from his beloved university.
Determined not to let Gareth face unknown dangers alone, he was joined by his adoptive father, Dr. Tralnis Granitestaff, and their simian butler, Henry. Together with the motley crew of the The Glorious Dawn (an airship that had seen better decades), they set out on a globetrotting journey across Hadronus in search of adventure, knowledge, and perhaps even love along the way.
Reviews for Gareth and the Lost Island on Amazon:
RH – 5 stars - I am an instant fan of Patrick Mallard!
One third of the way into Gareth and the lost island and feel compelled to write a glowing review! I love the humor and the wonderfullylikablecharacters. Fantasy, steampunk adventure with whiffs of the Disk World. Quick paced, awesome mental pictures and crudely hilarious passages every few pages. I already know I will hate to reach the end, as it will be far to soon, and I see no next book listed. I hope you are loaded up on caffine and writing furiously, Patrick. I look forward to spending many years in your twisted world! Good Job!!
Bookworm – 5 stars - Perfect for any age. Suspense without horror. Love interest without vulgarity. Rants without cussing. Humor for all!!
I love the clean light hearted humor. Esp Chim! Really wish there was more by this author.
Gareth and the Lost Island is a Steampunk / Magicpunk novel I wrote in 2015. I did an audio book version back then, but now I want to improve upon it by turning it into an audio drama with a full cast. I will be voicing the narrator, Kevin the Automaton, and various characters with only one or two lines. There is a Discord room set up for the project. The finished product will be distributed through Audible.
This is a full length novel, so those who are cast as the main characters must be prepared for a lot of lines. The regular audio book is 8 hours long. Of course at least 2/3 of that was narration, not regular dialogue.
Payment will be via PayPal. People playing minor characters will be paid after they complete their lines. For those who will be taking on the main characters, half of the payment will be given as soon as they are cast. The other half will be given upon completion of their lines.
Here is a brief look at each character:
Major Characters
Gareth Mintel:
Gareth is the last Mascalian, a forgotten sub-race of humans. He has no memories of his life prior to being found on a beach by a fisherman when he was five years old. Gareth is a language scholar and became the youngest professor at the University Arcanum at only 16 years old. Two years later, he is on track to become the youngest tenured professor in University history.
Gareth is a primarily upbeat, optimistic person. He is so upbeat that he sometimes fails to notice dangers around him. The only time he gets really down is when he feels guilty for something, whether or not it is actually his fault. An example would be him feeling guilty for Tralnis and Henry (father and best friend) being banished from the University, even though they were the ones who demanded to go with him when he was given his impossible quest.
Gareth is instantly smitten when he first meets Izzy Morgana. These feelings only grow stronger as the story progresses.
Tralnis Granitestaff:
At only 120 years old, Tralnis is considered to be a young adult by Dwarvish standards. He is a medical doctor as well as a tenured professor at the University.
Like most Dwarves, Tralnis is an omnisexual with a very healthy libido. The only thing larger than his sexual appetite is his heart. Tralnis adopted Gareth, and later took in Gareth’s best friend, Henry, after the Chim’s parents were killed.
Tralnis has a deep voice with a noticeable brogue (either Irish or Scottish.)
Isadora “Izzy” Morgana:
Izzy is a young human woman. She is the engineer of the Glorious Dawn, an independent merchant airship. She is also part owner of the airship, sharing ownership with her older sister, Elizabeth.
Like Gareth, Izzy is an upbeat person. However, she tempers her optimism with an engineer’s pragmatism. She isn’t afraid of giving something a good hit with a hammer if she thinks it will fix things. Izzy is beginning to chafe under her sister’s overprotective nature.
Just like Gareth, Izzy is truly smitten when she first meets Gareth. She ends up falling in love with him, much to her sister’s displeasure.
Elizabeth Morgana:
Elizabeth is the captain and part owner of the Glorious Dawn, an independent merchant airship. She lost her right arm and right eye in the fire that killed her parents. Her arm has been replaced with a rather intimidating clockwork prosthetic.
Elizabeth’s injuries, the loss of her parents, and a string of failed relationships have left her slightly bitter and extremely cynical. As far a she is concerned, her sister and their crew are the only things that matter.
Teesh:
Teesh is a young orphan girl (10-11 years old) living on the streets. She first meets Gareth and Izzy when she steals a bag of artifacts they are looking to sell.
Teeshis brash and street smart. Her defenses collapse when she meets Henry who happens to look just like a stuffed toy she had when she was little.
DAR-C 254:
DAR-C is a Mascallan automaton, a being created by the merging of magic and machines. Like the other automatons, her personality is a copy of one donated by an anonymous Mascalian.DAR-C has a mothering type personality.
RENE 7:
RENE 7 is a Mascallan automaton, a being created by the merging of magic and machines. Like the other automatons, her personality is a copy of one donated by an anonymous Mascalian.RENE 7’s original purpose was to research and examine non-mechanical lifeforms. She often acts as a liaison between the automatons and biologicals that get washed up on the island.
Central:
Central is the automaton that runs the day to day operations of Mascal. He was created by Gareth’s father and therefore thinks of Gareth as a sibling. Unlike the other automatons, Central does not have a mobile body. Central has a warm, pleasant voice.
Minor Characters
Melinda:
Melinda is a forest Dryad that tries to have sex with Gareth in the first and second chapters. Her voice starts out sultry and then becomes frustrated when he husband shows up.
Deek and Jamice Nutleiss:
Deek and Jamice Nutleiss were born into the richest merchant family in the IRD. They grew up extremely spoiled and therefore believe everyone else exists to serve them. Deek inherited the family business while Jamice became the head of the Political Philosophy department at the University.
Since the brothers are described as both looking and sounding very similar, they will be played by the same actor. The brothers have nasally, slightly whiny voices.
Head Thug:
The head of Deek Nutleiss’ personal guard. He rose to command by being just slightly smarter than the other morons Nutleiss hired.
The Dean:
The Dean of the University Arcanum is a scheming old man willing to do or say anything to get what he wants [think Dumbledore.]
Pilot:
Pilot is a Roehus, a race that does not use names. Instead of names they use descriptors or refer to themselves and others by their positions. Roehus show very little emotion, even in the heat of battle [think Vulcans.]
Sheldon:
Sheldon is an Kwa-Kwa-Ur, a tertiary creature composed of a host and two symbiotic eye stalks that provide speech as well as sight. Each of the three beings that combine to form a Kwa-Kwa-Ur has a distinct sense of self. This can lead to some heated, three way arguments with itself. Sheldon’s eye stalks have high pitched voices.
LONI:
Loni is a Mascallan automaton, a being created by the merging of magic and machines. Like the other automatons, her personality is a copy of one donated by an anonymous Mascalian. LONI is Central’s secretary. She enjoys gossip and fashion.
ALEX:
Alex is a Mascallan automaton that works in the shipbuilding factory. Unlike other the other automatons, Alex does not have a preferred gender and their voice reflects this.
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Gareth is the last Mascalian, a forgotten sub-race of humans. He has no memories of his life prior to being found on a beach by a fisherman when he was five years old. Gareth is a language scholar and became the youngest professor at the University Arcanum at only 16 years old. Two years later, he is on track to become the youngest tenured professor in University history.
Gareth is a primarily upbeat, optimistic person. He is so upbeat that he sometimes fails to notice dangers around him. The only time he gets really down is when he feels guilty for something, whether or not it is actually his fault. An example would be him feeling guilty for Tralnis and Henry (father and best friend) being banished from the University, even though they were the ones who demanded to go with him when he was given his impossible quest.
Gareth is instantly smitten when he first meets Izzy Morgana. These feelings only grow stronger as the story progresses.
[almost gagging] Good gods, Tralnis! That tastes worse than your cooking! [excited]Wait… the room stopped spinning. You perfected the formula!
Desiccated Dwarf Danglies! This water is cold!
This particular talisman is said to call forth the Unholy Winds to lay low the user’s enemies.
At only 120 years old, Tralnis is considered to be a young adult by Dwarvish standards. He is a medical doctor as well as a tenured professor at the University.
Like most Dwarves, Tralnis is an omnisexual with a very healthy libido. The only thing larger than his sexual appetite is his heart. Tralnis adopted Gareth, and later took in Gareth’s best friend, Henry, after the Chim’s parents were killed.
Tralnis has a deep voice with a noticeable brogue (either Irish or Scottish.)
No offense Gareth, but only a language scholar like yourself could get excited about a little change like that. What does it matter if some poor dead sod is known as a martyr versus that he was killed by hanging?
[sprays his ale in a spit-take] You now have my attention, Gareth!
I don’t know how many times I have to explain that. I was drunk and wondering if they called it ‘tea-bagging’ because it felt similar to dunking the boys in a cup of tea. How was I to know Henry had just poured you a fresh cup and it was steaming hot?
Izzy is a young human woman. She is the engineer of the Glorious Dawn, an independent merchant airship. She is also part owner of the airship, sharing ownership with her older sister, Elizabeth.
Like Gareth, Izzy is an upbeat person. However, she tempers her optimism with an engineer’s pragmatism. She isn’t afraid of giving something a good hit with a hammer if she thinks it will fix things. Izzy is beginning to chafe under her sister’s overprotective nature.
Just like Gareth, Izzy is truly smitten when she first meets Gareth. She ends up falling in love with him, much to her sister’s displeasure.
I’m Isadora Morgana, the engineer and part owner of the Glorious Dawn. My friends call me Izzy.
Not really, good old ‘Dick Nutless’ blacklisted us with the entire Shipping Guild of Draconia. I was informed rather rudely that we wouldn’t be able to get a contract to haul garbage on this stupid island.
Just a minute, Sweetie. I’m going to give this thing a ‘kinetic displacement’ it won’t soon forget!
Elizabeth is the captain and part owner of the Glorious Dawn, an independent merchant airship. She lost her right arm and right eye in the fire that killed her parents. Her arm has been replaced with a rather intimidating clockwork prosthetic.
Elizabeth’s injuries, the loss of her parents, and a string of failed relationships have left her slightly bitter and extremely cynical. As far a she is concerned, her sister and their crew are the only things that matter.
You have 20 minutes to get your belongings off of the Glorious Dawn. After that, I’ll have Sheldon toss you, and everything else in that filthy nest of yours, overboard.
[teasing her sister] I suppose it doesn’t hurt that the professor is good looking.
That’s what I said – a duck. Look for yourself.
Teesh is a young orphan girl (10-11 years old) living on the streets. She first meets Gareth and Izzy when she steals a bag of artifacts they are looking to sell.
Teesh is brash and street smart. Her defenses collapse when she meets Henry who happens to look just like a stuffed toy she had when she was little.
I’ve made some very good friends since I escaped. Miss H’jarth died in a horrible not-accident involving a rabid camel and a barrel full of fireworks.
Wait a minute! Why do I have to stay on the ship? Why can’t I go with you guys? You all know what happened the last time I was left behind!
Izzy even tried to kiss you to get you to wake up. You know… like in the old stories where the princess finds the prince in a magical sleep.
DAR-C is a Mascallan automaton, a being created by the merging of magic and machines. Like the other automatons, her personality is a copy of one donated by an anonymous Mascalian.DAR-C has a mothering type personality.
This small biological specimen is awake.
That big lug-nut over there is the Power Core Maintenance and Protection Automaton Prototype. We just call him Kevin.
Kevin, the last Mascalian left the island nearly 13,000 years ago.
RENE 7 is a Mascallan automaton, a being created by the merging of magic and machines. Like the other automatons, her personality is a copy of one donated by an anonymous Mascalian.RENE 7’s original purpose was to research and examine non-mechanical lifeforms. She often acts as a liaison between the automatons and biologicals that get washed up on the island.
Doctor is an honorific given to those who perform maintenance on biological entities. Is that your primary function, Tralnis?
DAR-C 254, Kevin, go back to the airship and tell me if you find any other biological specimens.
Central runs the island. He is the second oldest of us and will know what to do.
Central is the automaton that runs the day to day operations of Mascal. He was created by Gareth’s father and therefore thinks of Gareth as a sibling. Unlike the other automatons, Central does not have a mobile body. Central has a warm, pleasant voice.
Please come inside, Gareth. Your friends are more than welcome to join you.
Nonsense! That’s not how magic works at all. Magic is only ‘good’ or ‘evil’ based upon how it is used.
It’s not what you’re thinking Gareth. In case you hadn’t noticed in your flight here, most of Mascal is still sterile.
Melinda is a forest Dryad that tries to have sex with Gareth in the first and second chapters. Her voice starts out sultry and then becomes frustrated when he husband shows up.
You have the most beautiful violet eyes I have ever seen. They remind me of lilacs in summer.
Do we need names to do what our bodies crave?
Woodrot! Bastard wasn’t supposed to be back until next week.
Deek and Jamice Nutleiss were born into the richest merchant family in the IRD. They grew up extremely spoiled and therefore believe everyone else exists to serve them. Deek inherited the family business while Jamice became the head of the Political Philosophy department at the University.
Since the brothers are described as both looking and sounding very similar, they will be played by the same actor. The brothers have nasally, slightly whiny voices.
Melinda, I know you’re in there my love. Open up my little shrub!
It’s pronounced Noot-lease you cretins!
Dean, I think it goes without saying that my brother will withdraw his extremely generous offer if Mintel is granted tenure.
The Dean of the University Arcanum is a scheming old man willing to do or say anything to get what he wants [think Dumbledore.]
Professor Mintel, would you care to explain why a rather influential merchant was in my office first thing this morning, irate and smelling strongly of horse flatulence?
Manicures you say? Well that does complicate matters doesn’t it?
Shut up, Nut-less!
The head of Deek Nutleiss’ personal guard. He rose to command by being just slightly smarter than the other morons Nutleiss hired.
They should be here in two shakes of a melon lizard’s tail.
What sort of magic are you threatening us with, Scholar?
Oh gods, my mouth was open. I can taste it!
Just your average civil servant who would rather be shagging his partner than patrolling the grounds.
Yeah – just a Human and a Dwarf dressed all in black with a Chim covered head to toe in mud.
I’d think they were up to no good if the Dwarf wasn’t covered in flowers with the human covered in what smells like horse shit.
The last time we watched a Dwarf led ménage a trois, I was distracted for a week trying to figure out how they managed to get into some of the positions they did.
Pilot is a Roehus, a race that does not use names. Instead of names they use descriptors or refer to themselves and others by their positions. Roehus show very little emotion, even in the heat of battle [think Vulcans.]
I am the pilot of the Glorious Dawn.
You have excellent pronunciation, professor who speaks the people’s language.
Barely adequate cook, my people have a saying perfect for situations like this - 'Do not let the cargo ramp hit you on the ass on your way out.'
heldon is an Kwa-Kwa-Ur, a tertiary creature composed of a host and two symbiotic eye stalks that provide speech as well as sight. Each of the three beings that combine to form a Kwa-Kwa-Ur has a distinct sense of self. This can lead to some heated, three way arguments with itself. Sheldon’s eye stalks have high pitched voices.
Did she just call this guy ‘Professor Mental’? Well, he’d have to be to hire us.
Hey Chim, how’s it hanging? You know, because Chims were originally tree dwellers and they hung from branches…wow, rough crowd.
Hey, knock it off or I’m closing my eye the next time we play catch. Let’s see how well you play without depth perception.
Loni is a Mascallan automaton, a being created by the merging of magic and machines. Like the other automatons, her personality is a copy of one donated by an anonymous Mascalian. LONI is Central’s secretary. She enjoys gossip and fashion.
Please, just call me LONI. Unless you lot are some sort of ambassadors, I don’t see why we should have to keep things formal
[shock and disbelief] That’s… not… possible.
Gareth, please use the knife to prick your thumb or finger and place four drops of blood in the bowl.
Alex is a Mascallan automaton that works in the shipbuilding factory. Unlike other the other automatons, Alex does not have a preferred gender and their voice reflects this.
Captain Mintel, I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you again.
As a multipurpose combat vessel, the Glorious Dawn is armed with the latest in anti-wizard technology.
I stand for Truth, Justice, and the Mascalian way!
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