Calmer Chameleons
Project Overview
Hello! I'm looking for voice actors (male and female) to help me bring life to an array of a characters for a new project called Calmer Chameleons. Calmer Chameleons is a comedy podcast which features a large variety of characters and situations. There is no real agenda other than to entertain the listener. Because of the fast-paced comedic nature of the show, there will be multiple opportunities for voice actors to get involved and showcase their talents!
I am the chief writer for the podcast, and as such, I have a mountain of scripts that are just begging for a voice. I would be interested to hear from you if you feel that you can bring any of these sketches and characters to life in an entertaining way.
If you would like to listen to us, we're currently 6 episodes in and can be found here:
https://calmerchameleons.podbean.com/
Here's a quick FAQ to hopefully answer some of your questions upfront:
WHY THE NAME CALMER CHAMELEONS?
In all honesty, I just felt it was a funny pun. However, if you sit down and analyse it, as the podcast has little to no continuity, the nature of the show tends to change it's colours from sketch to sketch, Okay, I'm reaching, but that's the name and that's what we're sticking with!
IS THIS A PAID PROJECT?
While I would love nothing more than to pay people fairly, it's just not something I can do right now. The podcast is still young, but once it gains a bit of steam, I'm hoping to monetise through Patreon. If this takes off, I'll be able to afford to pay people or offer back payments for regular contributors. I hope this doesn't put you off applying.
WHY SHOULD I APPLY IF IT IS UNPAID?
That's a justified question. My hope is that Calmer Chameleons will help aspiring or amateur voice actors get a body of work under their belts. You'll be able to use these clips as part of showreels and auditions for other work. It shouldn't be a huge time-investment on your part either, as you will generally be performing short sketches.
WHAT KIND OF VOICES ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
At this moment in time, anything. I have a variety of characters from all genders, races and ages. As a guide I have included some sample roles below that I'm keen to pair up with the right voice actor. Even if the ones below do not sound up your alley, get in touch anyway. Your voice could be exactly what I'm looking for in future!
DO YOU NEED ANY OTHER ROLES?
I'm always looking for more voice actors to collaborate with. If you're interested but the right part for you isn't here, just send me a private message with your showreel or any recordings. I'll listen to anything you send me.
HOW CAN I GET IN TOUCH?
If you are specifically interested in one of the roles below, then you can audition through the site as usual. You can also send me an MP3, link to Soundcloud or Dropbox/Google Drive with your files on and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Any further questions, let me know.
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The drummer of a death metal band is writing home to tell his son about what he and his band are up to on tour. There will be a lot of long, run-on sentences in this sketch, so please take your time with it when reading it out. Other than that, happy to hear a variety of voices and accents for this role.
I
am putting my punctured, bloodied finger to parchment to inform you how much my
maggot-infested heart longs to return the doomed orifice that is our dwelling.Once
my bones grow weary and crumble to dust, it is my hope that you, my progeny,
shall inherit my legacy. Until then, I
will crash these symbols until the very foundations of hell itself begin to
shake.The
fans left that gig with a souvenir that money can’t buy, and several blood
diseases that money can’t treat.
This character is a one off fortune teller who reads a particular customer's future, although there's nothing to tell him about his life. I'm imaging the character to be elderly and eccentric, so don't be afraid to make her sound like a caricature.
Come
in! Come in my child. Sit. The stool there; sit and I’ll read your fortune.How much?! This service is priceless, my
child! But are you prepared to face the cost that comes with such foresight? Can
you put a value on your own fate?It
looks like you’ll lead a rather boring, uneventful existence. Everything
that happens to you is just a bit…well...bland, in all honesty.
Announcer Jim is a sports commentator who can't switch off. In this sketch he goes on a date and ends up narrating the whole thing. This would be a high energy performance and I imagine it would work very well with an American accent, but happy to hear others.
Holly opens the door, allowing this commentator to step into the porch. He admires the stunningly decorated hallway surroundings, alongside his stunningly decorated host for the evening.
And Holly lifts her fork, is she going for the peas? OHHHH and she’s gone for a carrot instead!
LET’S
GET READY FOR CRUUUUUUUUUUUUMBLE!
This is a smallish role, but essential to the sketch. Holly has invited a sports commentator called Announcer Jim to her house for a date. As Jim narrates the whole evening, Holly gets increasingly frustrated by him until she ends up throwing him out of the house. I don't have a particular voice or accent in mind, so happy to hear any auditions for this one.
Hi,
Jim, isn’t it? So good to see you! Come in.Are
you going to talk like that throughout the whole meal? We
don’t need a running commentary.That’s
it! I can’t take this anymore! You’ll have to leave.
The sketch is basically a posh bar fight that breaks out after Gerald, getting too excited after a lager shandy at an airshow, starts some fisticuffs. The character will require a posh British accent to make this work, so only audition if this is something you can perform. The accent can be highly exaggerated and eccentric though, in fact, I'd encourage it!
I
say, you there! You curr! I caught you, purveying my lady with an insatiable eye! I
say, I’ll knock your bloody block off, you bothersome individual!What
did you say to me? Do you believe you can walk away from such salacious
accusations?I’ll
have you know that I grew up in Richmond! That’s right, Richmond-Upon-Thames. I
am rather tasty when it comes to a spot of bother.
Two separate guys pose as lesbians to pick up girls, ending up with each other at the end of the night. As the sketch goes on, it becomes clear that the pair don't really know what lesbians are. This character would work well with a deep, gruff voice, but happy to hear anything that you'd like to perform.
Erm,
excuse me! Hi! Is this a lesbian bar?In
terms of body mass, yes, you definitely are the biggest lesbian here.My
ovaries are bouncing all over the place!
The character is a narrator for a gurning contest on the radio. Obviously, a gurning contest is something you have to see to enjoy, so the narrator struggles to articulate this into words for the listener. As the sketch goes on it becomes clear that this isn't working in audio form, especially as events get more surreal and exciting.
Good
evening, you’re joining us on BBC Radio 12+1, and we’re about to go live to the
Guernsey Gurning Contest 2017.He
has a taste for exotic face-pulling does Mr Pollop, and we’re looking forward
to seeing some more off-the-wall, avant-guarde gurning today.OH!
Oh my word! Now that is truly spectacular! The lip position was absolutely
sublime, contorting in a fashion that is…that was…well…indescribable. My
apologies, listeners, but I don’t know how to even describe that to you.
Tarquin is an arrogant director who believes his vision shouldn't be questioned. When he decides to replace props with live actors, he gets angry when people question his decisions. The voice would have to be rather condescending, but other than that, happy to hear anything that you'd like to audition.
So
you’re the guy we’re waiting for? We
need you to help dress the set.Stand right
there! *sigh* that is why I am known as a visionary director. I see things that
others cannot!You know why I am a director? It’s because I have the vision
to create something different; something that challenges the audience and their
expectations. That’s why I have taken the executive decision to use props as
actors, and actors as props.
In sketch, Billy is showing his grandpa how to set up an email account. As the sketch goes on, it becomes clear that Grandpa is setting up an email account to sign up to Ashley Maddison. This sketch will be rather adult and will require you to use some (humourous) sexual language, so please make sure you're comfortable with that before auditioning for this role.
Billy?!
BILLY! You said you’d show me how to do the email!Can
we do the email now? Right
then, let’s see. Do I click this one?I'm 86, I think you'll find, and I’ll have you know there’s life in the old dog yet.
The sketch is a customer service roleplaying seminar, hosted by Danni. Unfortunately, Danni takes the roleplaying part a bit too far and subjects everyone to a game of Dungeons and Dragons. I'm not especially precious about the voice or accent, but I imagine she'd be quite upbeat with a lot of energy.
So,
customer service. It’s a term we hear all the time. But what does it actually
mean? It’s fair enough to spout some sort of textbook quotation to explain what
customer service is, but it’s probably better if we show our understanding
with a little roleplay scenario.I’ve
just cast a spell! Quick, roll your D-Twenty to find out if it hits you!And
it looks like you’re dead! Sorry John! Now, who can tell me what John did wrong
in that scenario?
This would potentially be a short series of sketches, inspired after hearing a male film critic talking at length about the appearance of an actress. Sarah is a film critic who is more interested in the leading men on screen than anything else, and is often quite sexually aggressive about it, to the discomfort of her host. The language in these sketches will be peppered with innuendo, so only audition if you're comfortable with that. Otherwise, I'm happy to hear a wide range of voices and accents for this role.
That’s
right, I was lucky enough to attend the world premiere of Fast And Frantic 8, starring
none other than Hollywood superhunk, Flynn Diesel.Jason
Steakham is in it too. His voice is like butter. I could hear him talking from
a few rows behind me and, there’s something about his gruff accent that just does
something to me. My ovaries were clacking together like a Newton’s Cradle.That’s
when I saw Leo Di Caprisun in the lobby licking an ice cream. The next thing I
remember is being escorted away by security.
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