NO ONE HAS EVER ACTUALLY COMPLETED A PROFESSIONAL PREPARED DUB OF 17776
not that I can see, anyway
SO THAT'S WHAT WE ARE DOING TODAY
This project would be released in episodes over on YouTube, and I have planned out the scripts of the first few episodes already and will be continuing to write them as we go forward. Transcription from videos takes time, y'all.
YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 16 YEARS OLD TO BE CAST FOR THIS DUB. This thing will be going on the internet for all to see and has quite a lot of profanity and I don't want to be responsible for anyone's guardians getting mad about things.
PLEASE COMMIT! This isn't an especially long project, but that makes it all the more important to have consistency! If you can't meet a regular schedule please talk to me and we can sort something out, but I do need to put the project as a whole above any individual.
READ THE SOURCE MATERIAL! If you haven't read 17776 already, please do! This isn't a requirement, just a recommendation. It's fucking awesome, y'all.
https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football
DISCORD WILL BE REQUIRED. Pretty sure every CCC user has Discord anyway, but that's where all the magic will be happening.
AUDIO QUALITY IS IMPORTANT. Yes, I will be making judgement calls on it.
Note: the probes (Nine, Ten, Juice, Hubble) do not have any accent requirement! Unfortunately, CCC doesn't seem to have an option for this so we're stuck with North American but feel free to try whatever you fancy!
Roles organised almost in order of appearance.
If you have any questions or comments, don't be afraid to let me know!
Pioneer Nine (or just Nine) is an unmanned spacecraft who gains sentience at the very beginning of 17776. They are inquisitive to a fault, easily impressed, easily confused, and can be slightly airy.
Nine needs to be able to be very expressive, sound at least somewhat witty at times, and be able to lose their shit when necessary.
As the audience surrogate, a lot about their personality is open to interpretation, and that's exactly the sentiment I'm taking to this voice. Anything that you think would suit!
Who is this? Are you talking to me? Do you mean me? Did you say Nine? Is that my name? Are you calling me Nine?
It's like, look at all the time it's taken to make this game what it is. People have spent forever arguing and negotiating. Wow, and look at those skyscrapers, I didn't even ask about those. The resources poured into this field are unbelievable.
A few minutes ago my whole universe was spinning. All that stuff Ten told me, I just couldn't make sense of it. And I still can't, and I don't think this is helping me do that at all. But I do feel better. Thanks.
Pioneer Nine's little sister, Ten is much more knowledgeable about the world. She's been active for the longest of our three protagonists, and has the demeanour to prove it: she knows a lot and is more than willing to share, but also has her streaks of frustration.
She's patient (mostly), kind, and mostly concerned with her friends and football.
I would provisionally be looking for a more motherly tone; something softspoken and kind, but with the capability to really go ham when necessary (see the final line).
Hey stranger! You did great. Now, what I’m about to say will sound like I’m having fun with you, but I’m not. This is not a riddle, it’s information that you should have in your onboard memory. What’s crucial here is that it’s your idea, that you’re the one to retrieve it. What was the average recorded wind chill during the 1967 NFL Championship?
As it turns out, if you leave even a simple computer in total isolation for 15,000 years, it will gradually become a ... well, a person.
People sit in the stands and watch this ... this fucking crap? This garbage dump where nothing fucking ever happens?
JUICE is our tertiary: he is the comic relief, the group's youngest member, and foul-mouthed. He has a terrible case of skewed priorities, and is unable to get through most conversations without some kind of joke, or swear. He's a lot of fun as well, and a bit of a rambler. He pokes fun but genuinely does care.
Ideally, a voice for Juice would be able to convey a lot of expressiveness when necessary, but would also be able to get through those long rambling monologues. The audition lines are fairly long for this exact reason.
i'm sorry but what kinda pictures you gonna take with that shit
gonna be some joe niépce shit where you spend all day takin a damn photo with a goddam blanket on your head and it turns out lookin like a bunch of rectangles
gonna be like some matthew brady shit where you can only take pictures of dead ppl because no alive person wants to be in your shitass photo
you know? because i mean i know what you mean, right? because ive been thinking about it for thousands of years and i still get fucked up about it, the idea that play is the point of existence now. and i cant really wrap myself around that, so i find a game to watch.
its like
the point of play is to distract yourself from play being the point.
first, don't worry about anyone dying due to rising sea levels, everyone was safely relocated and i am very happy to report that folks in places like houston and louisiana and savannah were able to preserve their cultures elsewhere in the country. second, you may have noticed that maine's new border was strangely preserved in a straight line; that's because the canadians, being slightly more forward thinkers, dispatched aid directly to the state to build a retaining wall. third, the rest of the world is basically carrying on just fine; while it is tragic that much of the caribbean was lost, i am relieved to report to you that they were safely relocated and their cultures remain alive and robust to this day. fourth -
John Bois wrote (and in this dub, will narrate) the original "fake" article: "What football will look like in the future" that opens the whole story of 17776. While it is a small role, it is very important! You are the introduction and you set the scene.
Ideally looking for someone very clear, somewhat ceremonious, but not overlavish. The phrase "Something is terribly wrong" interrupts your speech as if you, yourself do not know you are going to say it.
It's clear that the sport of football needs to change. And the $64,000 question, my friends, is simple: "how?" Something is terribly wrong. The writing's on the wall: youth participation in the sport is down, thanks in large part to their parents' concern for their health.
In recent years, the NFL has - something is terribly wrong. In response to numerous clinical studies regarding - something is terribly wrong - , the league has taken action — and something is terribly wrong. Oh no. Something is terribly wrong.
Aaron is a reporter for game 3887, dedicated to capturing footage of the game. He is no-nonsense and willing to take charge or take risks in order to get the coverage.
With this character, I'm looking for someone who can come across as excitable and impatient, as well as a little rugged/rough around the edges. As a reporter, overexpression is always a bonus, too.
Next score wins, yeah, and it's tied 24-24. A lot of guys are trying to chase this game, but we're the only ones who have been on top of it the whole time. We've been chasing it eight years now.
Officer, we've been in a lot of tornadoes. We know how to handle ourselves. This game here is headed straight toward the tornado. It might go up in the twister.
Okay yeah, exactly. 11083, 12083, what is the difference?
Name one thing that's different. A thousand years, name me one thing that's different.
Micah is a driver with a pair of reporters chasing game #3887. He is experienced with this line of work, and the danger that goes along with it. He's a little more laid back, and more vulgar, than his coworkers, though just as passionate for football, and a little more knowledgeable of the game as well.
Micah is somewhere around the young adult range: think 20's or 30's. As the driver, he has fewer lines than his coworkers.
Dude I can't. Fuckin, the cop won't let me pass.
Pffff ... I don't know, I mean just by looking at it, it's one of the strongest-looking tornadoes I've ever seen. A human being could go five miles, ten miles. Only thing is, there's no telling which direction.
And Seward's full of Iowa fans. So chances are, if they saw her, they'd say something.
Danny is a reporter chasing game #3887. He has a noticeably young demeanour, though is capable of being professional when necessary. As the lead reporter in the trio, he tends to try to take charge, often failing. He can be a little impatient and bossy.
He's somewhere around the young adult range: think 20's or 30's.
OK so it's July 2nd, 17776. We are in ... we are just about a mile east of Seward, Nebraska, driving eastbound on McKelvie Road. We're following Wyoming running back Nancy McGunnell, who is now about 82, 83 percent of the way across the state.
Fuck.
How far do you think it might throw her?
OK so for everybody who's just tuning in, Nancy McGunnell is about 25 miles into a run-- dude, don't point it at me! The twister, look at the twister!
Someone who has chosen to be a police officer. Free reign.
This is not a debate! I am not going to debate with you! I am, what I'm gonna do is I will pull you over and bring all three of you before the county magistrate. Do you want that?
Jason is a football player, husband to Emily Durabo (also a football player). The two of them taklk together on their complex name history, and also on the esoteric game Jason is currently playing.
He gets a little existential at times, but also knows how to have a good laugh.
He's on the older side, think around 40's.
Oh, I could have it changed back, I'm sure. I wish I could remember when it was. I mean, my papa's name is Durazo, so mine was definitely Durazo when I was born. But on my first football card, it says "Durabo." That was in 5583. So, sometime between then and there, I guess.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. So, the thing about being a backup quarterback in the NFL was that you rarely played. You weren't all that famous as far as quarterbacks go. Kids didn't ask you for all that many autographs. So an autographed Koy Detmer football is pretty rare, right? Well, I'm trying to grab every single one.
But like, it's so rare to be able to draw up a game around uncertainty. I mean, how many footballs has Koy Detmer autographed? Nobody really knows. I bet he doesn't even know. So in the process of playing this game, we find out that number. And once we know, we can't really play the same game again. This was special. We can't replay it.
Emily is a football player, Wife to Jason Durabo (a less famous football player). The two of them talk together on their complex name history, and also on the esoteric game Jason is currently playing.
She easily sees the humourous side of things, never missing the oppurtunity for a joke or a funny anecdote.
She's on the older side, think around 40's.
You know what, Lori? You know what? That is a good question.
I told him, "listen, J. I changed my name for you once. I'm not gonna do it again."
Lori, you know what, if it's any consolation to you, I was a tight end for 4,000 years. If things go south, I'll throw a block for you, OK?
I guess! I guess! I don't know. Apparently he was kind of a fuckup or something. He just, I guess he just thought it was just as good as storing them in the office and he just never got around to testing them. So that ends up with him having literally an entire freezer full of NFL piss.
Lori is a friend of Emily and Jason Durabo, catching up on their names, lives, and games.
She goes off on tangents, aiming to entertain, but the monotony of living forever has mellowed her out, at least a little.
Free reign.
That's a whole other situation. Anyway, I see the place and I'm like, this is perfect. Beautiful bay windows, washer and dryer in the building, tall ceilings, exposed brick, everything. It's everything I want, it's just perfect. So I sign the lease right there on the spot, because it's like it's just perfect for me. It's literally everything I'm looking for in an apartment.
Oh God! [laughing] Oh my God, do I need to ... am I gonna get tackled by somebody? Do I need to run for cover?
Who was it who said, uh, "even if life is forever, each moment of it is a miracle?" I think that's just something we tell ourselves. We're just ordinary and forever, I think. There's a levelling out that happens if you live forever and ever without anything to lose.
Thuy is cohost to a podcast called Garbage Football, where she and her buddy Roger talk about the worst football games ever. In typical podcast pattern, the two both get easily sidetracked, but in all here there is not much guide. Free reign!
Dude, no, nothing's better than the Typo Game. For anyone who hasn't heard it, you can go back in our archives and find the episode, I think it's just called "Typo Game." Basically, and I'll make this quick because I don't want to spoil too much, but basically, they were drawing up the rules for a long-distance game, the field dimensions had typos in them, and they ended up with a field that was one yard long and 1,000 yards wide. And they'd already filed the game permit, so they had to play it. Good times.
It's bad football. Nobody wants to play it, nobody wants to watch it. Washington and New Mexico were banking on this not being a big deal, because the field of play was so narrow. So the good news is, you know, if a player does get past your secondary, you don't have to look all over creation for them. They're gonna have to stay inbounds, so the only question is how far they've outrun you.
Like! Like, oh, here's a town next to a bunch of water. Let's call it "Big Water." Oh hey, here's some Meadows. Let's call it "Meadows." Oh look, it's some more meadows over here!
Roger is cohost to a podcast called Garbage Football, where he and his buddy Roger talk about the worst football games ever. In typical podcast pattern, the two both get easily sidetracked, but in all here there is not much guide. Free reign!
We do. We hate you. We actually really hate you this week, because we have an extra-special ... bucket of ... I don't know, bucket of crap of a game for you.
Yes. One goal line was the Washington/Canada border, and the other was the New Mexico/Mexico border. But it's tough to draw the field on a map, because ... the field was standard football width. Fifty-three and one-third yards.
Even if I have 100 trillion years! Or more! That doesn't change the fact that I just spent all day watching a shitty game, time I could have spent watching a good one.
Nancy is a star running back for Wyoming. She's intelligent and daring, willing to take risks. She's also the only human we see directly interact with the probes: she's on very friendly terms with Ten, and more than happy to help show Nine the ropes.
She's optimistic, fun-loving, and not brought down by immortality. A little sceptical, but also trusting.
Age recommended for anywhere from mid 20s to late 40s: or, if you can make it work, run wild!
Well, most of them aren't actual players. Usually they can round up a few retired players, but it's mostly just random folks. The volunteers are basically just eyes and ears. More often than not, they won't try to make the tackle themselves.
I wonder if there's a single place in the whole world that's never had a story. I bet not. I just about guarantee you there's no places like that in America. Every little square of it, every place you stomp your foot, that's where something happened. Something wild, maybe something nobody knows about, but something. You can fall out of the sky and right into some forgotten storybook.
Well, don't get too discouraged. You know, your sister and your buddy Juice weren't always so hot at communicating, either. Thousands of years ago, they made first contact with us. And at first, we had no idea it was them. So you have to understand how confusing it was. After an eternity of total silence from the universe, we finally received a clear transmission from somewhere, and we had no idea where it was coming from.
Henry is a bartender in Bee, Nebraska. He's one of the few characters who is not really interested in football.
A stereotypical bartender-type, he has a lot of stories to tell, and is more than willing to share. He loves his job, and has a generally optimistic view on eternity.
Aiming for late 30's/early 40's, but open to interpretation.
Can they do that? I don't really watch a whole lot of football these days.
Oh, you know what, I went on one of those volunteer plays one time. That must've been ... you know, I was married to Susan at the time, so that would've been around 12500. It was a whole bunch of nothing, really. I remember they came into town like, "hey, anybody wants to have some fun, they got a Minnesota player on the run outside Cedar Rapids!" I think what they offered wasn't much, like $100 and a bus ride. So I said no thank you.
I think so. I have no idea how he came up with the idea. Maybe he saw a building like that before or something, but I don't know. I mean he was just a guy in 1930s Nebraska, there wasn't a lot to look at for, you know, inspiration. You know, I honestly think he just made it up out of nowhere.
Hubble (as in, the Hubble Space Telescope) is a space probe who doesn't talk much. He's disinterested in Ten's antics, and more concerned with just watching football for eternity.
He's bored. And doesn't have much more character trait to him.
eh i'd rather not, i'm watching a game
back to the game, you guys have fun
Lacrecia is a player in the Denali 500 game, infamous for having never caught a ball in over ten thousand years.
While polite enough, she isn't too fond of the infamy she has, and is fairly self deprecating and socially awkard. She is, however, determined and headstrong.
Anywhere in the adult range.
Okay, okay, cool. So it looks like the burger comes with pickles, but the chicken sandwich doesn't. And I want pickles, but y'alls' burgers are kinda bad.
If this sounds scripted, it's 'cause it is. I'm not usually this together. I've just had this conversation more times than I can count.
I just turned the corner. People are like running out of the fire station. Some of them are yelling, they're ... pissed off about something.
BKE works at Burger King. They are friendly, interested in football, and have at least a passing interest in the 500 game. They don't care hugely about professionality in their job, but are patient and willing to make conversation alongside the new money-frivolous society.
Their scene involves them serving (and subsequently recognising) famous 500 player Lacrecia Evans.
Free reign!
[laughter] That's a real good question! Real good question.
Oh yeah. We've got a couple hundred bucks in the drawer, we're good. And here's your sandwich and fries, uh ... ketchup's in the bag ...
... Hey, you're uh, um, um.
Oh God, I know you.
Uh, Evans! Evans, right?
Ha, okay. Why, uh
Why do you keep trying? You haven't scored a single point in like 10,000 years, right?
Tracey is Lacretia's coach. She is even more invested in Lacretia successfully scoring than she is herself, but also concerned with profiting off the situation: for example, trying to pull off an autobiography.
She is middle-aged, passionate to a fault, loud, and slightly overbearing.
Oh God! Crecia, you're like right on it. It's gonna land close.
The ball should be making impact with the ground in about three minutes. It's hitting Livermore, can just about guarantee that.
No! No, Crecia. They're here for you.
This is your motorcade. They called it for you.
These people love the Livermore Light Bulb! They're really distressed that it's been destroyed by a giant football. That's it.
Ideally this role would be filled by Editors or Mixers, but otherwise I would be looking for extras!
Extra 1: IT'S BROKEN! IT'S BROKEN! IT'S GONE!
Extra 2: It went right through the roof. Right just, went right through it.
Can they save it? Keep all the pieces together, maybe they can save it.
Extra 3: Oh my God. Oh my fucking God.
That should have been impossible. It was protected. I thought they made it protected.
There's nothing to save. Look for yourself. It's just ... gone. There's nothing left.
Eddie is a player in a long distance game between Louisville and Charlotte, and has been hiding in Eleven Jones Cave for nine thousand years, in an attempt to win on a technicality.
In that time, he has become bitter, and also lost his mind slightly.
He is an adult, rather gruff and gravelly, and has no patience.
[sing the opening verse of Steely Dan - The Cave of Altamira]
We're about to talk about Eleven Jones Cave. This is a cave I live in, but I can only do that because I am unkillable. If you're reading this prior to the year 2026, you are extraordinarily killable.
You're an asshole! You have all the time in the world. Infinite time, and just a little bit of mystery. Ration it.
Tim is an evangelist for the No Rock Unturned project, dedicated to learning everything about the North American continent, and spreading the (now mostly defunct) Christian religion.
He is a young adult, overly friendly and inquisitive, and persistent in the face of Eddie's bitterness, but also not very confident, and thinks low of himself.
Well! No Rock Unturned is a project made up of people like me who walk all across America and learn about its land and the folks who live in it. Our goal is to eventually count everyone in America as a friend! I was assigned the 38°13'18" line of latitude.
Well, I don't agree with that! That's why I'm on this hike. To find out as much as I can about the land and the people who live here.
I know the Lord's up there. I want to let everyone know He's coming. But I'm just so nervous to tell people. I've been trying all these years and I always feel stupid. So I get real nervous every time.
And the printer prints it weird, and it's all blocky and fuzzy when you print it out, so it looks stupid.
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