Artifice Novel Audiobook
Project Overview
The audio book for my novel Artifice will have unique voices for all the different characters. I’ve already recorded most of the big roles, I just need to fill some of the smaller characters. Here’s the story blurb:
Would you like a couch with that painting? Obscurity is a way of life for Gavin Vonn Getch, a painter who works at a frame shop in a small New England town. His life changes when billionaire Gary Eastman enters his shop and becomes the ultimate patron: a lifetime commission for all his work in exchange for a crap-load of money.
Some of his artist buddies envy him and others think he’s sold out. Curious as to where his paintings are being displayed, he makes a trip to the DLC headquarters, where a shocking discovery forces him to reevaluate his deal with Eastman and his identity as an artist.
Why does an artist create? What alternatives are there to completely selling out? Is there no genius—only marketing? The book is a satirical, and sometimes surreal look at the art world.
You can download the entire ebook for free here: http://artifice-book.com
The entire part is in red within the link supplied for each character. You'll be reading just the red. If I gave a suggestion for a character type, I'M NOT LOOKING FOR AN IMPRESSION! I'll want to listen in on Skype are you record Brent and maybe the Art Goons.
Ultimately this will end up on Audible.com and be listed with my book: http://amzn.to/2fhwN4D. Along with a token payment (Paypal), you’ll get a free download from Audible.
If your mic sucks or you're recording in a noisy environment, I can’t use ya. (It’s got to be up to Audible’s standards) I'll be listening to the quality of your recording along with the performance. Ultimately I'll want something that's uncompressed. I'll do that on the final pass to match my recording.
If you like what I've written, give me a shout. ([redacted]) I'll be looking to do this again for my next book. Hopefully if/when I get a publisher I can pay some real money.
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Intelligent sounding woman. This is part of a TV program that reviewed the artist life at the end of the book. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-psychologist.php
"You can see Gavin’s mind deteriorating as you look through his work."
"His work grew darker. You can see his mind slipping from the titles alone: O Keefe’s Meat Wallet number one"
"It’s quite evident that psychosis was setting in towards the end of his life"
Sweet old lady who has a son who's schizophrenic. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-johns-mother.php
"He’s in his room drawing. Would you like a cup of tea?"
"You’re going to have to be careful John with that paint. Don’t get it on yourself"
"Thank you for the art supplies! John has really enjoyed them these past few days."
Old clueless lady who is kind of annoying in her kindness. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-brents-mother.php
"Did you want me to make you a sandwich, Brent?"
"Did you want me to make you boys some coffee?"
"Did you get your clean underwear I left by the table?"
"You sell weed to Gary Eastman?"
"What’s a Mooky?"
Carny working the squirt gun game. Think trailer trash. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-carny-1.php
"We have a winner!"
"Aaaaaand heeeeere wheeeee go!"
Young bored woman working as a barista at a coffee shop. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-barista.php
"No, what’s that?"
"Nope, we have no mongooses here"
Dude on a beach. Concerned how many mushrooms his friend Billy had eaten. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-billys-friend.php
"Billy. . .how many mushrooms did you eat?"
"Did you eat that entire bag of mushrooms?"
Young dude who works at the dolphin center. Maybe a touch of surfer-dude. Basically a life guard. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-life-guard.php
"With the structured swim, you want to slowly paddle counterclockwise around the enclosure"
"You don’t want to splash the surface of the water or reach out towards the dolphins"
"This is the dolphins free time, so it’s up to them to decide if they want to approach you"
Middle aged guy who works in an office. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-guy-in-elevator.php
"Is that called The Scream?"
"They should issue one of those to everyone who has dealt with human resources"
Carny working the stand up the bottle game. Think trailer trash. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-carny-2.php
"Watch how it’s done!"
"Do you want to win something for your lady?"
Art patron who touched Jerry's artwork "trap". http://adeadguy.com/artifice-painting-crasher.php
"I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to…"
"But…but…the sign said…"
The art goons intimidate the hell out of the main character and sound very menacing. Art Goons #2 (blue) is the smarter one - think Hugo Weaving from The Matrix. DO NOT DO AN IMPRESSION! The reveal at at the end is they actually sound just like a pair of gay guys. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-art-goons.php
We’re here to enforce the contract you have with Mr. Eastman
I find it odd that you embrace Abstract Impressionism when you paint for Mr. Eastman, yet you continue to paint in this other so-called style of yours?
"(Gay) William doesn’t like ANYTHING to do with lady bits."
A guy playing guitar in a coffee shop. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-barry-guitar.php
"Thanks for coming, everyone"
"My name is Barry. I’m going to start off with some Radiohead"
Young woman who works behind the counter at a dolphin swim place in Florida. Not educated. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-receptionist-2.php
"There are two options. The structured swim and the natural swim"
"With a natural swim, you get to interact freely in the enclosure and the animals will initiate contact themselves"
"That will be one hundred and fifty dollars"
The art goons intimidate the hell out of the main character and sound very menacing. Art Goons #1 (red) is the Bigger, more menacing of the two. Think Tony Soprano. DO NOT DO AN IMPRESSION! The reveal at at the end is they actually sound just like a pair of gay guys. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-art-goons.php
"Mister Eastman thinks you’ve been holding out and squeezing him - like this"
"Mr. Eastman thinks you’re mocking the entire modernism movement"
"(Gay) "I didn’t like his expressionistic phase, O Keefe’s Meat Wallet? Oh please. . ."
John is suffering from schizophrenia and is on some heavy duty medication like Clozapine. I wanted to give him an odd lilt to his voice, perhaps he sounds autistic. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-john.php
"I like to paint.....Can we have Wendy’s for supper?"
"They had little flags. Right here. Rainbows"
"They took a couch. OK......Thumbtacks.....Goggles."
Meek guy with no life. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-parking-lot-artist.php
"What? I have a contract with Gary Eastman to paint for him. What’s the problem?"
"He pays me. I don’t care what he does with my paintings"
"I don’t know. . .I’m just happy I have health insurance. I’ve got to deliver this"
Woman entirely bored with her job. Think Pam from The Office. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-dlc-receptionist
"Do you have an appointment? May I ask who this is from?"
"Veronica said to go to the shipping entrance, She’ll meet you there."
"Go left and left around the parking lot. You’ll see the bay doors."
Another woman totally bored with her job. She runs a department of office drones. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-manager-sue.php
"Are you the new hire? Follow me."
"That closet has more blank canvases and supplies. Try to match the original as closely as you can."
"These are the first two you should start on. Michael will bring out the next one when you’re done."
Very earthy-crunchy woman. Older hippie type. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-artist-leslie.php
"I’m putting together a collection of found-art objects"
"Do you think anyone is going to bump it? This stand looks flimsy"
"In fact, you could’ve made a pot of tea inside it, which it seems someone attempted to do"
Artist who plays a digeradoo. Could sound like anybody. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-steve-digeradoo.php
"Yeah, I bought it the last time I was in Australia."
"I like carving Australian folk art and this was something that I wanted to try. Am I bugging you guys?"
"I paid Ritvars on the first of this month. Is he Russian?"
Tour Guide at the Massachusetts Museum Of Fine Arts http://adeadguy.com/artifice-mfa-tour-guide.php
"Welcome, everyone, to the MFA, If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me at at any time."
Beyond function, he claimed constructed spaces should also elicit a spiritual response from the bodies that experience them"
"The irregular lines, or pores, in this gold skin might draw us from across the room, inspiring an appreciation that is not only retinal, but sensual"
Just sound like an older lawyer. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-tom-lawyer.php
"Can I remind you, Gavin, that you signed an exclusive personal services contract with Mr. Eastman"
"Any money is contingent on the delivery of a painting to the specifications of the contract. In short, if you don’t paint, you won’t get paid"
"Mr. Eastman doesn’t have to answer that"
Conservative, mousey plain-jane young woman who works at an insurance agency. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-natalie.php
"I spend a lot of my time doing reserve analyses or pricing adequacy reviews. I also do a lot financial projections for clients"
"I’d love to do something more creative in my cubicle all day. Those people sound like they have a great job,"
"If I’m lucky, they’ll give me a plaque on the wall when I retire"
Woman wearing leopard print glasses studying artwork at a gallery. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-leopard-glasses.php
"I like how these streaks and lines formed before the water had time to dry"
"In fact, all the names on these are interesting: “Elastic Juxtaposition”, “Undulating Burst”, “Half Nude?” Hopefully one of these will win a ribbon."
Someone female on a beach concerned about Billy. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-someone.php
"Is that guy OK?"
"What the hell did you think you were you doing?"
Artist who needs to use the bathroom. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-mr-moonscape.php
"Hey, where’s the bathroom again?"
Guy with an English accent. (C'mon..how easy is this?) http://adeadguy.com/artifice-english-guy.php
Brilliant!
Someone else male on a beach concerned about Billy. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-someone-else.php
"Are you going to be all right?"
You want to slap the guy. Obnoxious and cocky. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-dickhead-singer.php
"Hey dude! What’s up?"
"We’re a Peppers tribute band called Under The Bridge. We’re artists…we’re MUSICIANS"
"Hey…we paid for this space, old man! We can do what we want."
Brent is a huge flake who takes himself much too seriously as an artist. He also likes to smoke pot. Think Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski meets Captain Kirk. DO NOT DO AN IMPRESSION! Some of the early readers think he's the best character. I'd like to listen in with Skype as you do the final read. http://adeadguy.com/artifice-brent.php
I like to create what comes from the subconscious, I don’t like to limit myself to reality.
Hey man. I’m sorry about what happened at the show. I guess I got a bit carried away
You know those long sticky rolls of paper, that pull out of a little tube, that you hang from the ceiling to catch flies? I wanted to use that as a painting
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