You defiantly have the natural voice for a character like this, only issues I have are the fan noise in the background and in some lines you do sound a little like youre reading. Otherwise very nice job.
Yeah I might improve on that since its kinda weird what I did, so I might redo it.
No worries. I understand the heat issue. Not much better down here in Aus but its something you have to bear for the 5mins of actual recording. As for your lines, I dont think there is anyone here who could remember each line verbatim. I carry a spare tablet myself, sometimes rest it on a rack covered in audio foam. Give it another crack, try reading the line a few time aloud and then ask "how would I say this naturally?" good luck.
Alright thanks! I might try to do that
I'll be sure to keep an eye out for the redo to give it the updoot it deserves.