Homestuck may be over but my enthusiasm for it sure isn't! In a bout of nostalgia for larger-scale Homestuck projects, I'd like to revamp LET'S READ GENDERSTUCK! Please note that this is an incredibly long-term project that requires a buttload of commitment because HOMESTUCK IS SO LONG.
WHAT'S LRGS?? : Basically, it's a dub of Homestuck, with all the characters genderbent!
HOW MUCH OF IT IS GENDERBENT?: Names and pronouns are swapped. Certain classes are swapped. Panels may or may not be edited.
HASN'T THIS BEEN DONE BEFORE?: Yes, I ran the original LRGS. Please don't accuse me of stealing ideas. THAT BEING SAID, I no longer have access to the LRGS tumblr so do NOT bombard them with asks about this :/
Please redirect all tumblr asks to genderstuck.tumblr.com
THIS ISN'T ALL THE CHARACTERS: I personally find it easier to cast in batches, due to the sheer number of characters in Homestuck. Characters will become available as we get closer to their introduction. Act 1 and 2 are cast at the same time, meaning the Kids' Narrator, Beta Kids, Papasprite, and Wayward Vagabond. (CAST)
Act 3 and Intermission: Karkit Vantas, Jane Noir/Spades Slick, Peregrine Mendicant, Kannin Maryam, Tavrin Nitram, Aimless Renegade, Clubs Deuce, Diamonds Droog, Hearts Boxcars (CAST)
Act 4, Act 5: Arrone Megido, Sollyx Captor, Nepten Leijon, Terzen Pyrope, Viktor Serket, Equisa Zahhak, Gamzel Makara, Eriell Ampora, Fiyero Peixes, Troll Narrator (CAST)
Act 6 Act 1: Jack Hines, Rory Lalonde, Jenn English, Dezi Strider
Final Casting: Calliope, Caliborn (Calliope is evil, Caliborn is good) Domoro Megido, Rufiah Nitram, Mitula Captor, Kankia Vantas, Mewlon Leijon, Pallom Maryam, Latuna Pyrope, Aranio Serket, Hathor Zahhak, Kaizla Makara, Tethys Ampora, Maanah Peixes
Mysterious, stoic, and foreboding. Snowman possesses an incredible amount of power and knows it. Killing him would sanction the end of the universe.
Hold still, Slick. Something in your eye. |
Thief. You will need to be strong. There is important work for you to do. |
Retrieve the ring from the royal vault. And then, destroy it. |
Kannin is quite eloquent, though he doesn't seem to understand the different nuances between troll and human culture. He begins trying to antagonize Ross through misguided sarcasm, and then befriending Ross. The two develop a relationship later in the comic. Kannin is creative and invested in fashion and his appearance.
Why is it that when the subject of temporal mechanics is broached, your sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable? Time is not that difficult to understand. It is a utility that a universe may resort to in order to advance a desired degree of complexity, or may not resort to, if that is the case. It’s all pretty pedestrian, but no. When time travel comes up, you present the face that a man shows when the breeze gradually alerts him to his absence of netherdressings. |
I don’t understand. Who better to coordinate such events than the Knight of Time? |
Why do I ‘got to’? I don’t ‘got to’, and every time you take my help for granted, I feel like I ‘got to’ a little less. |
The most caluclating, clever member of Midnight Crew. Slick claims to be the leader but it's really Droog running the show. She dresses the best, too. Very smooth.
You suddenly remember you are Diamonds Droog. Whoever took your hat is about to discover she’s the unluckiest person on earth. She better hope you find her dead. What you’re gonna do to her will be much less painful that way |
She likes to mess with you from the past. Trouble is she tips you off to where she's been. This time you're ready. Wait for it. Wait...NOW. Predestined bullet holes are convenient. Gives you something to aim for. 7 out of 21 clocks redestroyed. |
I’m having some effigies made of ourselves with our backup hats. Deuce brought your crumpled backup hat, which she wound up with somehow. Not sure what happened to hers. Boxcars is obviously tied up at the moment, so I can’t get my hands on it yet. |
Stab-happy and easily angered. Jane in one universe goes on a killing spree because she didn't like the hat her boss wanted her to wear. In another universe, she runs a relatively incompetent gang and has an insatiable appetite for licorice scottie dogs. Gruff, New York/gangster accent.
Here, stick this is your pipe and bleed to death slowly. |
Your name is Spades Slick. You are the leader of a notoriously vicious gang of mobsters called the Midnight Crew. A rival gang known as The Felt recently knocked over one of your favorite casinos. Your long quest of revenge has finally taken you through the front door of the mansion belonging to their loathsome boss, Lady English. |
You've even got an ice-cold one-liner to dish out when the time comes. You've been working pretty hard on it. Wait for it... wait for it... Hate to cut and... Wait, no. Not yet. Wait for it... Hate to... no. Wait... Hate to cut and DAMMIT. Not yet. Hate to cut and run. ... SHIT. Hate to... Hate to...Hate to chop all of your heads off with this sword. Real sorry about that. My bad. |
Rather ornery, Karkit is the "leader" of the team of trolls. She is often referred to as being crabby and short-tempered, and does shout and curse a lot but ultimately is trying to do what she thinks is best for her friends.
Fine, you can think I’m a fucking douche and maybe I am, but here’s the fact, idiot; I’ve already had lots of conversations with you in the future. I mean your future. I’ve kind of been working backwards here for a while, and it’s a little frustrating. Every time I go further back, you know less and less, and you don’t remember anything I said because it hasn’t happened yet, and I have to repeat myself a lot, and I’m getting pretty fucking sick of it. |
Because that’s what you told us to tell you. Whatever, believe me, don’t believe me, I did my job. I’m out of here. |
It’s a joke, moron. Honestly, I am just glad nobody else is privy to our conversations. Actually, why don’t we make a pact to delete this one from our logs? I’m just shuddering here scrolling up and reading this. |
Very enthusiastic about enforcing the law! Stern voice, craves authority.
Order in the court! I will have order in this courtroom. If everyone does not settle down, I will clear out this courtroom, I swear to God. |
What have we here? An illegally parked vehicle. |
This atrocity cannot go unpunished. Throw whoever is responsible into the slammer. Slammer means jail, by the way. |
Tavrin is a bit shy and hesistant, even in her speech patterns. She has been the target of bullying at the hands of Viktor, and slowly gains self-confidence throughout the comic. Enjoys rapping but isn't that good at it.
Heyyyy. First, ok, I think you’re awful. Let’s put that fact on the table where we can both see it. Now you have been primed for the digestive ruination that’s about to take place, and the comprehensive soiling of the laundry enveloping your person. |
Pleeeease. I think I am perfectly capable of manufacturing these alleged “dope” human rhymes and starting some sick fires. I don’t need your charity…that you said you lend to, uhh, earth monkeys who toss around poop, or something like that. You’re pretty snooty. Thanks for your help, but I don’t need your help. Oops, sorry, I didn’t mean to block you. |
AG just jumped me off a cliff with my brain and, uhh, my legs, also, and now they feel invisible. Wow, I’m sure there was a better way to say that. Anyway, that’s really all there is to report on the subject of me getting hurt. |
The Narrator is responsible for reading the commands and descriptions. Narrator dialogue can get a bit long-winded.
A young lady stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is this young lady’s birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago she was given life, it is only today she will be given a name! What will the name of this young lady be? ZOOSMELL POOPLASS! |
Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room. Stuck, if you will, in a sense which possibly borders on the titular. And now your chum is pestering you again. The clockwork of friendship turns ceaselessly, operating the swing-lever dealies of harassment in perpetuity. Whatever. This chick can just hold her damn horses. You decide to consult with the Colonel’s bottomless wisdom. Good grief, this thing is huge. It could kill a cat if you dropped it. |
Whatever it is, the kernelsprite seems particularly agitated about it. You’re no astronomer, but its trajectory looks suspiciously head-on with your current perspective. This is a troubling development. Joan, high-five kernelsprite. You figure you’ve left him hanging long enough. |
The most childish member of the Midnight Crew. She loves her hats and is generally very silly.
You are now Clubs Deuce. Clubs, rough her up. She remains tight-lipped, so you deal her a senseless shin-drubbing with your crook of felony. Oh the humanity. You can barely watch. She’s probably still using her special ability to slow time down for herself. She can’t feel a damn thing, and certainly isn’t saying anything. Apart from a very low noise which could be her saying “ow” very, very slowly. |
Everybody out of the god damn way. I got a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty! |
You're pretty sure this oven doesn't actually work at all. You just wheel it off somewhere else in the mansion so it can explode in peace. 12 out of 15 Green Torsos dead. Probably some more clocks destroyed, too. |
A very determined mailman turned harbinger of justice.
Greetings. Don’t I know you? |
Ticket? Oh, this thing. Ha, ha, look at that, I am holding a ticket. How did that get in my hand? It belongs on the desk with the others. No, I am not here to pay a parking ticket. I am here to pick up that green parcel. |
How exciting! A parcel for you! Retrieve it! This one’s empty. Perhaps a delivery is in order? |
Papasprite is Joan's grandfather, resurrected as a construct of SBURB. As a sprite, he knows all sorts of things about the way SBURB is meant to be played, and clearly wants to clue Joan in but has to make everything a puzzle. He is incredibly caring and also loves baking.
Of course, Joan! I have come back to help you on your journey through The Medium and beyond! I am delighted to see what a fine young lady you have turned out to be. Just like your mother. |
You are a good girl, and good girls deserve treats! I am going to go back you some cookies. |
You are no doubt reading this as a beautiful and strapping young woman! Why, the ladygrit needed to lift the book is itself a sign of your maturity, not even to speak of the wisdom needed to grasp the nuance of Sassacre's time-tested mischief. I am so proud of you, granddaughter! How I wish I could have delivered this heirloom to you in the flesh. But I am afraid it wasn't in the cards! For you see, Joan, like you, this book must yet take a journey! Its journey will end on the Final Day of my life, and even then will continue some. |
The White King has a very noble voice, gently guiding Ross through the game.
Seer. Seer, can you hear me? |
Have a look around, Ross. You have much to
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Ross, find your sprite. Your deceased pet. You
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Terzen is very capable, very invested in justice, and has a kind of "take no shit" attitude. Nasally, sharp voice.
They all thought I was crazy. But, haha, turns out
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Before you keep typing more stupid O’s in that
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Well it may surprise you to know that I don’t give
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Ross' prototyped/revived-from-the-dead cat in SBURB Sprite form, meaning... she knows stuff about the game and can talk but is also a dead cat.
I’m fishing! But sadly, there are no fish, I think.
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Yes! Ross, I’m just a cat and I don’t know much but
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It was fun getting to be your cat again, Ross, even
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Andrea Hussie; the author's self-insert know-it-all character who is a bit arrogant about her knowledge of her own comic. Must be able to do long monologues (Recaps)
What? Oh hell no. This is always such a terrible
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I CONJURE THIS INTREPID FANTASYSCAPE WITH TEARS
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Excuse me? Oh, I'm sorry. Am I not going fast
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The troll team's computer chick. She's sarcastic, witty, and pessimistic. Also speaks with a bit of a lisp.
Lies. Don’t bother me, I’m not in the mood. If I
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Nooooo, not the ban, it burns. Oh god, hahahaha!
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(without lisp) Voices. Indiscriminate, indecipherable voices
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Responsible for narrating the description text for the trolls, can get a bit long sometimes.
What was this planet’s
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Terzen, interrogate. Most
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You are now the other…oh.
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Upon her introduction, Gamzel is just the troll equivalent of a stoner. She's harmless and kind of spaced out. Later in the comic, she becomes murderous and spine-chillingly terrifying when sober.
Man, everywhere I look, all
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Yeah. I mean, you got to
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(sober) i’ve been kicking
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A silly, fun character who is often perceived as being very innocent. A bit child-like, but also very capable of taking care of himself. He gets frustrated with his best friend (Equisa) trying to control him, but knows it's probably for his own good.
AC saunters from his dark
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I see right through your
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But so many of our friends
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Arrone passes through many forms. When he was alive (before the audience meets him) he was kind of happy-go-lucky and enthusiastic. Upon his death, he becomes somewhat emotionless and hollow. He is then a robot for a little while, and then goes back to being alive and enthusiastic! Also he has a thing for death.
(dead Arrone) Not really.
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(Robo-rrone) Wait. What is
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(Alive) I think so. The
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Definitely blurs the line between good guy and bad guy. It seems like Viktor has good intentions but he easily intimidates his friends (except Terzen). Kind of sharp, berating voice.
Yeah, you totally are. My
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Oh maaaaaaaan, I’m so dumb!
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I only ever wanted to do
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Very protective of her friend Nepten, almost controlling. She keeps very in control of herself, too, speaking in a somewhat rigid manner, except when she gets flustered. Somewhat deep voice.
This is foolishness upon
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You’re wrong about me,
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No, it’s…filthy. I need
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Omniscient, omnipotent guardian of the universe, and a smug asshole to boot. She speaks with a sort of whimsical lilt.
A parting courtesy, I
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Look at that. The short
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I trust
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Chipper and optimistic to the very end! He is in line for the throne and wants to change his world for the better. Also uses fish puns a lot.
Hmmmm. Well, I am going to
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Okay, I hope so. I think,
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She has a point, thought,
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Eriell is kind of an asshole. She thinks she's a member of the "higher species" and wants to eliminate all land-dwellers. She mopes about not having any romantic partners, and it is implied that she hits on multiple members of the party. Is said to speak with a "weird, wavy accent"
God dammit! He and me are
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(Without ‘ww’ and ‘vv’) I
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That’s what you never got,
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Joan begins as a fun-loving 13-year-old girl with a propensity for pranks. She is incredibly fond of her friends. As the comic continues, she becomes insightful and continually optimistic. Perhaps a bit of a nasally voice?
All I’m saying is, don’t you think Monster Howie Mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? Try using your brain, numbnuts. |
I discovered a comet that is going to destroy the Earth, and it was named after me. Now I am famous, and everyone wants to talk to me a lot. |
Hmm, okay. Well, you are the one with the cursor so just do whatever you think is the right thing to do! Also, fix my bathroom!! |
Dani Strider enjoys irony, rapping, and ironically rapping. At the beginning she tries (and succeeds fairly well) with maintaining her "cool-girl" facade and eventually lets it drop as she begins to get more comfortable with her friends.
Ok, I can accept that. Monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters. Also, Fred Savage has a really punchable face. But who cares about this, let’s stop talking about it. Did you get the beta yet? |
Sounds like a noise a horse would make. I.E. dumb. Equally dumb are all those pictures of that clown you’ve got hanging up. |
It’s always like: WOW THAT’S FUCKING BIG. Like, Mr. President, there’s a meteor coming, sir. Oh yeah, how big is it? It’s the size of Texas, sir. OH SHIT. Or; how big is it? It’s the size of New York City, sir. OH SHIT. Sir, I’m afraid the comet is the size of your mom’s dick. OH SNAP. Sir, are you familiar with Jupiter? You mean like the planet? Yeah. Well, it’s that big, sir. Hmm, that sounds pretty big. I have a question. Is it Jupiter? Yes, sir, Earth is literally under siege by planet fucking Jupiter. OH SHIT. |
Ross Lalonde is incredibly intelligent and overly verbose. It's only once the kids enter the game that Ross starts to throw the rules out. His words are commonly referred to as "snarky horseshit".
What were you doing with it in the first place? I am not sensing a lot of regard for the personal properties of others. Is this how your pent-up frustration with your mother manifests itself? |
Yes, cake, jesters, unfaltering love and support. Quite a road to hoe there. Though I suppose I’m complicit for not informing Social Services about your situation. |
We’ll see. I’ve found no evidence that anyone has successfully created the item, and the content of the card appears to be variable from session to session. In one instance, it was described as an “eggy loking thign” |
Wayward Vagabond is a bit curt, and her requests often don't make much sense. She is pushy, but not mean-spirited.
Do the potted vegetable instead. It looks delicious. |
Joan you do not say no to cookies. I command you to get them. |
Thank you so very, very much, dear favorable, small primate. I shall take my leave now, Joan. Until next time. |
The muscle of the Midnight Crew. Her approach is usually to punch something or just use brute strength. A deeper, gruff voice.
You stop not being Hearts Boxcars. You have made your way to the Felt’s secret vault. It’s bigger than you were expecting. You doubt you will be able to rely on your usual safe-cracking method, which is prying it from the wall with your bare hands. |
Hearts Boxcars, waste exactly 4 hours on this tomfoolery. YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL. Above, a spectator has appeared at the strike of 4 and has been giggling at your foolishness for a number of minutes. Clover would have been tickled to help you open this vault! At the cost of answering a few of her clever TIME RIDDLES, needless to say. |
Hearts Boxcars, attempt to eat Eggs. Your attempt was an overwhelming success. Biscuits is looking a tad snug in his muffin tray. She thinks it's about time to poke a broomstraw in this battle. Her dough will live to rise another day. SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE, SUCKERS!!!!! |
Jude is also incredibly intelligent, though where Ross comes off as more literarily smart (and also psychology) Jude has a scientific mind, with a propensity for nuclear science. He knows more about the game than he lets on, and is generally a bit scatter-brained.
No, I am fine! It landed a pretty good ways from my house and I went to look at it, and it’s pretty big! But, Bec doesn’t want me to go near it, so I came home. She seems to think it’s dangerous! |
Oh, but Ross, I don’t think she meant anything like that by it! You see, not everyone always means the opposite of what they say, the way you and Dani always do. |
Oh boy…well……it turns out I was confused about it…really confused! See, I guess I fell asleep for a while and…lost track of time. That happens! |
