Fallout 4 Radio Mod Casting Call 3
Project Overview
Fallout 4 mod, talk radio plays, sketches, commercials and the like.
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Tired of the same old food in a can? Joe's Spuckies offers fresh sandwiches made right before your eyes, the way you want them, and not the way your wife makes them. That's way too much mustard Susan, we've been over this a thousand times.
Guy on Quiz Show getting jobbed when all the questions are about haircuts. His opponent is a barber.
That was an easy one, but if the questions are gonna be about hair, I'd have a hard time beating a barber.
Now hold on, that was another barber question. You said the questions were random.
Oh for crying out loud! No! No! You cannot be serious! Don't you dare hit that buzzer Casey! They did it to me, and they can do it to you!
Good evening ladies and gentleman, I'm Greg Penny. Tonight here on Quizmatic, our returning champion Charlie Templeton goes for his twentieth win in a row, potentially bringing his cash earnings to over three hundred thousand dollars - the most money ever awarded on television.
I'm sure you will Casey, best of luck. Not that you need it, with that winning smile of yours. In any case, if you're both ready, what's say we start right now. Abraxodyne Chemical presents, Quizmatic!
Boy: Where's O'Malley?
Girl: He got detention again. He gave Ms. Quackenbush a real screwy look.
Boy: Is that all?
Girl: Well, when the old crone asked him what he was thinking about, he told her he was picturing her getting hit by a cartoon bus.
Boy: That's O'Malley, always saying what everyone else is thinking. So what're you doing here?
Girl: Well, I was thinking I could pitch in his place.
Boy:But you're a girl, Jenny.
Girl: So? Tell you what, why don't you let me play, and for every hit I give up, I'll buy you a quarter pounder and a milkshake at the diner. But if I throw a no-hitter, you owe me a dinner and a movie.
Boy:You drive a hard burger, Jenny. All right, let's go.
This is a serious romance story, I realize after reading all the others that can be confusing since the rest are satire, but I'd like to includesome actual dramas in the mix.
House Painter: You must be a good listener then, if so many people trust you with their secrets.
Call Girl: Goes part and parcel with the job, really.
House Painter: Oh? And what is it you do for a living?
Call Girl: Well, it's been around for quite some time you see. You might even say it's the oldest profession ever known.
(silence, slightly embarrassed he hasn't responded)
Call Girl: I hope you're not going to ask me to spell it out for you because-(teasing)
House Painter: No, just seeing how red your face would get if I said nothing.House Painter: Not at all. I happen to be an artist. If anything, you should be thinking less of me.
Call Girl:I love art. What kind do you do?
House Painter:I'm a painter.
Call Girl:Have I seen any of your work?
House Painter: Maybe. See that hardware store across the street? I painted those walls.
Call Girl:Oh, that is indeed quite the masterpiece. A regular Sistine chapel. And may I ask if a man of your talents would be willing to paint a woman's apartment, or is that beneath you?
House Painter:Well, I have a lot of important clients, but I think I can work it into my schedule. Is this your apartment?
(Before Red Rocket Gasoline)
Oh, it makes no difference. Just fill me up with the high octane gas. That's the same as Red Rocket Premium.
(After being filled with Red Rocket Gasoline)
Hey daddy, wanna go for a ride?
Nazi: My god! It's you! It's really you!
Howard: Yes it's me. How did you know I was alive?
Nazi: I heard rumors. Ghosts, really, hinting that you'd made a life here. But why Washington of all places?
Howard: Why not? It's the perfect cover. Who'd have thought that I, the notorious son of Hitler, would be marrying the President's daughter.
Nazi: That's a little bold, don't you think? There will be much public exposure.
Howard: Yes. Imagine their surprise when they find out I'm also having an affair with her mother, the first lady.
Nazi: But what if someone recognizes you? You could at least shave the mustache.
Howard: The mustache is a family heirloom.
Nazi: But it's a Hitler mustache.
Howard: It's a "Howard" mustache now. But yes, it'll be a Hitler mustache soon enough.
Russian accent a big plus
Shiver: Stop right there, Or should I say "freeze."
Tropic Man: Good god, the Siberian Shiver! But I locked you up!
Shiver: Yes, yes you did. But I escaped, and I've been plotting my revenge ever since. And you know how revenge is best served? Cold.
Tropic Man:Yes, I'm familiar with the phrase. And what deviously icy plan have you chilled up this time?
Shiver: Why, I've turned your car into an icebox. And with your engine in shambles, you won't be making it home tonight. And when you're late for work tomorrow, everyone will know your secret. And I don't mean the cape and tights.
Tropic Man:Ha, you silly little man. Did you think I wouldn't be prepared for such a scenario?
Shiver: No, it can't be!
Tropic Man:That's right. I put Suprathaw Anti-freeze in this engine. Which means lasting protection from extreme conditions. Conditions like the blast from your frost ray.
Fan: And what's that you got in your hand there? Some kind of secret weapon?
Tropic Man: Why yes, actually. It's my favorite anti-freeze in the world, Suprathaw Premium. It's completely winter proof, so not even a cold night like this can stop me from doing my nightly patrol.
Fan: Is that where you're doing in the red light district? Hunting for bad guys?
("Yes" said slowly, unsure if kid is baiting him or stupid enough to buy it)
Tropic Man: Yes. In fact, I think I see some very naughty boys over there.Shiver: Stop right there, Or should I say "freeze."
Tropic Man: Good god, the Siberian Shiver! But I locked you up!
Shiver: Yes, yes you did. But I escaped, and I've been plotting my revenge ever since. And you know how revenge is best served? Cold.
Tropic Man: Yes, I'm familiar with the phrase. And what deviously icy plan have you chilled up this time?
Fan: And what's that you got in your hand there? Some kind of secret weapon?
Tropic Man: Why yes, actually. It's my favorite anti-freeze in the world, Suprathaw Premium. It's completely winter proof, so not even a cold night like this can stop me from doing my nightly patrol.
Fan: Is that where you're doing in the red light district? Hunting for bad guys?
Tropic Man: Yes. In fact, I think I see some very naughty boys over there.
We all know Poseidon as the God of the Sea, riding the waves on his chariot of whales. As the guardian of the ocean, he knew everything there is to know about fish, and absolutely nothing about energy. So why would you trust Poseidon Energy to power your home, when you can harness the state of the art, nuclear fuel provided by the people at Mass Fusion?
Mass Fusion. Because the name says it all.
Announcer: This is a man who smokes Gray Tortoise cigarettes. What kind of a man is he?
Smoker: I'm the type of man who likes to work on my car. I like to take it apart and put it back together. I get to working on it and forget where I am. What time it is. Sometimes I even forget to eat.
Announcer:You don't forget to smoke though, do you?
That's because you're a man's man. A Gray Tortoise Man. You don't let parental responsibilities or a combustible gas leak get between you and a job well done. Why don't you have a smoke right now, you've more than earned it.
Nazi: My god! It's you! It's really you!
Howard: Yes it's me. How did you know I was alive?
Nazi: I heard rumors. Ghosts, really, hinting that you'd made a life here. But why Washington of all places?
Howard: Why not? It's the perfect cover. Who'd have thought that I, the notorious son of Hitler, would be marrying the President's daughter.
Nazi: That's a little bold, don't you think? There will be much public exposure.
Howard: Yes. Imagine their surprise when they find out I'm also having an affair with her mother, the first lady.
Nazi: But what if someone recognizes you? You could at least shave the mustache.
Howard: The mustache is my father's
Nazi: But it's a Hitler mustache.
Howard: It's a "Howard" mustache now. But it'll be a Hitler mustache soon enough.
Wife: Honey, I want to talk to you about something. I think we should move.
Husband:Really? I thought you agreed this home was perfect.
Wife:Perfect for us maybe, but I can't help but feel it's a little too high up.
Husband:Well, we'd lose the view, but the rent's cheaper on the lower floors.
Wife:I was thinking lower.
Husband:You mean like in the lobby?
Wife:Lower.
Husband: The basement parking lot?
Wife: Lower. I wanna live in a vault.
This is a serious romance story, I realize after reading all the others that can be confusing since the rest are satire, but I'd like to include some actual dramas in the mix.
House Painter: You must be a good listener then, if so many people trust you with their secrets.
Call Girl: Goes part and parcel with the job, really.
House Painter: Oh? And what is it you do for a living?
Call Girl: Well, it's been around for quite some time you see. You might even say it's the oldest profession ever known.
(silence, slightly embarrassed he hasn't responded)
Call Girl: I hope you're not going to ask me to spell it out for you because-(teasing)
House Painter: No, just seeing how red your face would get if I said nothing.House Painter:I'm just saying, it won't last. Not much in this world ever does. But I'll be here. If you just give me a chance.
Call Girl: (Sigh) You know when I first moved in here, I was just as wide-eyed as you are now. Every night I'd come out on this balcony and watch the lights go out one by one. Sometimes I'd even bring my guitar and sing the whole city to sleep. But time goes by and that feeling fades. It doesn't matter if you're out here to sing or scream. In the end you realize no one can hear you either way.
Loretta: Is what they're saying true Howard?
Howard: Yes Loretta. I'm the son of Hitler.
Loretta:What?
Howard: Wait, that's not what you're here for? What is this all about?
Loretta: It's about your affair with my mother. But suddenly that doesn't seem all that important.
Building the perfect home for you and your family takes hard work and dedication. But great home design ideas don't come from hard work, or even your head. They come from Picket Fences Magazine.
For just $32.99 an issue, you'll have access to the latest advancements in interior decorating and lawn care. Pretty soon you'll be the envy of all your neighbors, and with our help, you can learn to build a fence so high that'll you never have to see them again.
They say dress for the job you want, not the one you have. The same is true for your body. Maybe you're unhappy with your physical appearance, and feel powerless to change it. Well good news, listener! Clothes can fix that! Need to lose a few pounds? Vertical stripes can do the work diet and exercise can't. Have a bald spot or an oddly shaped forehead? Our stylish fedoras will cover that up nicely!
At Fallon's Department store, we offer all this and more, so you can dress for the body you want, and not the one you have.
Announcer: You're just about out of gas, but the nearest Red Rocket is miles away. What do you do?
Female Car: Oh, it makes no difference. Just fill me up with the high octane gas. That's the same as Red Rocket Premium.
Announcer: Wrong! Don't make the octane mistake! There are twenty-one Megatane ratings that go into every gallon of gas, and Red Rocket rates the highest in 20 of 21 categories not tainted by European metrics. And the higher your Megatane rating, the better your motor will run.
For a "Love Me or Leave Me" parody. A man who urges a budding singer to leave her Super Mutant manager and go legit.
Delivery should be over the top and melodramatic.
Let me help you Edith. I'll get you to the right people, and they'll work with you because they'll want you! And they won't have to have their arms ripped out or their head crushed by a sledgehammer. They'll want you because you're good! Oh try it Edith, try it that way, for me!
Agent: Quite a store you've got here.
Store Owner: Well, I do what I can. One man's junk is another man's treasure and all that.
Agent: Yeah, yeah. Say...let me ask you something. Where's the best place to stay here in town?
Store Owner:Why, that would be the Cambridge hotel. Just across the street.
Agent: And what if I was a Nazi?
Store Owner:What?
Agent: If I was a Nazi, what would be the best hotel to stay in?
Store Owner:Why would you want to know that?
Agent: Because I'm tracking one. If I was tracking a god-fearing American I'd stay at the Cambridge. But I'm not, am I? I'm looking for a Nazi man and he's probably staying at a Nazi hotel.
Announcer: This is a man who smokes Gray Tortoise cigarettes. What kind of a man is he?
Smoker: I'm the type of man who likes to work on my car. I like to take it apart and put it back together. I get to working on it and forget where I am. What time it is. Sometimes I even forget to eat.
Announcer: You don't forget to smoke though, do you?
Smoker:I never forget to smoke. I might forget other things, like picking up my son from soccer practice or turning off the stove, but I never forget to smoke.
In your mouth, trouble starts when stray food particles get trapped in your teeth, producing decay bacteria. These bacteria produce acids that eat away at your smile, turning Handsome Harry into an unlikable sloth. Meanwhile, Cutie Katie, having first tried a competing brand, found brushing to be a chore due to its bitter, medicine aftertaste. As a result, she has no idea her once fresh, minty breath now smells like a swamp.
Agent: Quite a store you've got here.
Store Owner: Well, I do what I can. One man's junk is another man's treasure, and all that.
Agent: Yeah, yeah. Say...let me ask you something. Where's the best place to stay here in town?
Store Owner: Why, that would be the Cambridge hotel. Just across the street.
Agent: And what if I was a Nazi?
Store Owner: What?
Agent: If I was a Nazi, what would be the best hotel to stay in?
Store Owner: Why would you want to know that?
Agent: Because I'm tracking one. If I was tracking a god-fearing American I'd stay at the Cambridge. But I'm not, am I? I'm looking for a Nazi man and he's probably staying at a Nazi hotel.
Brando: You want my philosophy in life? Do it to him before he does it to you. Then do it to his sister while you’re at it.
Marie: Why his sister?
Brando:I don’t know, insult to injury.
Marie: Okay, I think I get it. So if I’m walking past a homeless person, I should ask him for change.
Brando:No, that’s not what I meant.
Marie: But you said “do it to him.” I’m asking him for money before he has the chance to ask me.
Brando:Look, it doesn’t apply to everything. The point is, I’m a tough guy.
Lee: We’ve got the baddest bullies in the baddest harbor in the world! And you? You ain’t so bad.
Brando: You ain’t so bad yourself, Lee.
Lee: Wait, hold on. Are you saying “I ain’t so bad” as in, I’m a nice guy?
Brando: Yeah. Wait, what are you saying?
With Red Rocket Gasoline, you'll be able to drive without limits, free from all the wear and tear brought on by other leading brands. You can treat residential areas like your own personal freeway, knowing those pesky street signs no longer apply. After all, you're no longer driving a car. You're taking off on a rocket.
They say the best cigars come from Cuba. But do you know who else smoked Cuban cigars? Josef Stalin, Fidelo Castro and Benedict Arnold. Which means Cuban cigars are the preferred choice of communists and traitors. But if you want a great cigar that's made in America, there's only one brand that does the job.
San Francisco Sunlights. Light up a cigar, and light up your life.
Brando: What do you want, father?
Father: Your confession. Also, you’re double parked, and I need the space.
Brando: Tell it to Jesus. If you want, I can deliver you to him.
Father:Is that your solution for everything? Violence?
You know who the pistols are. In fact, there’s one of them right in this room. We all know who he is. But we’re afraid to say his name. And why? Because he’ll shoot us? Well, that’s probably a pretty good reason. But that’s my parking space and he has no right to take it!
Throughout history mankind has marveled at the wonders buried deep under the sands of time. The tomb of King Tut, found at Luxor, filled with the riches of Ancient Egypt. The ruins of Troy, giving life to an age old myth. And now, for one week only, you can discover the greatest treasure of them all, before it too is sealed away for all time!
Brando: You want my philosophy in life? Do it to him before he does it to you. Then do it to his sister while you’re at it.
Marie: Why his sister?
Brando: I don’t know, insult to injury.
Marie: Okay, I think I get it. So if I’m walking past a homeless person, I should ask him for change.
Brando: No, that’s not what I meant.
Marie: But you said “do it to him.” I’m asking him for money before he has the chance to ask me.
Brando: Look, it doesn’t apply to everything. The point is, I’m a tough guy.
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