Pitch could be slightly lower, you're selling me his age but not enough of his worn voice. Delivery has a good pace but you're lacking a bit in emoting with some of the declarations as they could sound much more zealous. Tone has the right emotion behind it with your powerful declarations, however it's a matter of quantity rather than quality for this. There needs to be much less restraint for the Crusader, he is not a holy paladin or righteous soldier but an ex-murderer that wishes to absolve himself of sin by doing more murder in the name of his god. Zeal is the key word here, you just need more of it and this audition will be serviceable.