I like how your flow and energy are consistent throughout the whole entire take. I would say though the words near the end are very rushed and feels really fast. I think that you have room to slow it down just a tad. Good job!

The main takeaway that I felt from hearing this is that I know for a fact you were smiling while performing this read! That was great, a smile is something that can be easily heard in VO. My main feedback for you is to find ways to make your read sound a little more natural. That's difficult to do for a commercial read as most of them sound fake by nature, but what I mean by this is to add slight pauses/emphasis/tonal shifts to make your read sound less like you are reading a script. Also, slowing down your take will also add to your articulation! This was very fast, taking it a step back will help you quite a bit. Great job with this one!