In the beginning you stumble over a couple of words, but you seemed to really find your flow towards the end, so my suggestion would be to go back and re-record the first few sentences after you're done, just so that flow can be really consistent throughout the recording. The take got much better towards the end and you seemed more comfortable and confident. The only other thing I think I would say would be to project a smidge more as if the people at the back asked you to speak louder. Really good though!

Nicely done! My main feedback for you is to bring more emotion, passion, and energy to your performance. This isn't a typical "character read," but what I mean is to find ways to increase your energy levels so that I can really FEEL that you are trying your best to make me buy this product! Your articulation and breathing were nice, but keep fine tuning them by working on more auditions and exercising your voice more. Overall, well done!