Steven Universe Fandub (Hit the Diamond)

Ruby? Whoa-?

Whoa, look at 'em all! 
Peridot, we won't let them get you.
HUUUGS!
We heard.

Oh! I'll come. I'll be your backup.

Yup! Nothing in there but us humans!

You have to... uh... play baseball!

Yeah! It's a human thing. I-If you win, you can go inside, and if you lose, you... gotta leave forever.

Alright. My human baseball knowledge will lead us to victory. Let's just go out there and pretend to be humans. Except Peridot. You stay here in the barn and hide.

Everybody in? Lapis?
We're the humans! Steven!

Here's the rules of the game. We take turns throwing the ball at each other. The batter tries to hit the ball with the bat, and then they run around the bases. Whoever gets the most runs wins.

You get three tries to hit the ball. If you miss...

Three strikes, and you're out!

And that's called a "home run."

Hahahaha. Us humans, we're full of surprises. Amethyst be careful.

What's going on? What are they doing?

(Whispers) What?

Ummm.....
Well, haha... We're doing just fine. Everything's gonna be A-Okay.
To make you feel better!

Alright, it's the bottom of the ninth. We've got Lapis on second, but one more out and the game's over for us. We need to hit a home run.
Wait! I call a timeout! Listen, you two, I know it's hard being separated, but we have to keep them out of the barn or they're gonna find Peridot. Remember?! Ruby, stop being cute, and Sapphire, keep your eye on the ball!

What did I just say?

YEAH!

Awww, Peri loves us!

Neptune! She's on the planet Neptune!

Oh, honestly, you call everyone a clod.

Ruby! Sapphire!

We saw.

Baseball?!

Earl!
Nice!

Uh-oh...

What?

Ruby! Sapphire!So, what's the plan? Let's ambush them! And here's some backup for your backup.

Baseball?! Amy! Striiiike one! Striiike two! Strike three!

Man, Rubies are dumb.

Don't worry, Peridot. It's our sworn duty to protect anything that calls this planet home. And that includes clods like you.

Listen up, everyone. I have a plan. Or should I say... We have a plan?
(Chuckle)

Hahaha...Ha...whoops....
Sorry, guys. Game is over.
Not all of them.

I knew it. They're after me! This is the end of the line!

I disobeyed a direct order from Yellow Diamond, and I called her a clod... to her face.

Yes, but not everyone has command over all the armies of Homeworld waiting for the word to shatter me
But haven't I caused you enough trouble?

(Quietly) That's my word...

*Fearfully* So I'm scared!

Baseball?!

O... kay.

Hey, how's it going? Are we winning?
You're lying to me!

Thank you!

Wait!! Oooh, wait! Stop! Don't hurt them! Wait. Oh, please, please! It's me you're after right? I'm not gonna stand by and let my friends fight my battles!

Not sure if "failed" would be the right word to-

You're looking for...Jasper?

Wait, but I'm the one who betrayed the mission, who called Yellow Diamond a clod, the new leader of the Crystal Gems?

Jasper-umm, we know where Jasper is.

Uhhhh....

You really weren't kidding.

(Chuckles) This plan sucks.
Bob. 

(Monotone) Flirting.

Hello everyone.
Hello, Steven!
You got this. Just act casual. (Kisses Ruby on the cheek.)
No. No one needs to get hurt. Let's be sensible.
Just go out there and tell them this is a place where humans live.

Baseball?! I... saw that this was a possibility, though I am surprised that this is the path we're taking. And Sophie.Heeeeey Ruby (Giggles.) I don't know. I don't get off planet much. (laughing)Uhhhh...Hmmmm....

I'm trying, but all I want to look at is you. URRR, UGHHHH!!!(Cheerful Laugh)

Hi-ya!
What a lovely planet!
Wait! So we just... get out and walk around? Whoa-!
Now, where's the Gem the scanners locked on to? *looks around* Let's fan out and search the area!
Yeah. Casual.

Focus, Rubies! This is an important mission from Yellow Diamond, so we can't mess it up.
Nervously* Eh, hey, hey! Uh... What are we all doing over here?
Yeah, what ARE we all doing here?
We're here to retrieve the leader of the Earth mission! (Raises eyebrow) Hey, wait a second. It seems like there are more of us... than usual!
There's supposed to be five of us.
One, two, three, four, five. Tch, never mind.
(Sighs in relief.)
The leader of the Earth mission must be around here somewhere.
*Nervously* Well, she's definitely not in that barn!
Whoa, I didn't see that before. Maybe we SHOULD look around in there.
*Nervously* Uh, I'll go! By myself!
Ba-Byee! 
They want to search the barn!
What do I do? (Bites fingers.)
(Sighs) I don't wanna go alone...
*Nervously/transparently* I checked the barn, and I just found a bunch of humans! Hah!
*Somewhat skeptical* Really?
*Nervously* Looks like we failed...! Time to go back home! Hah...!
I think we better double-check. You remember what happened last time.
*Confused* Last time?
(The Rubies begin laughing.)
Oh, Ruby, you're so forgetful!
Alright, let's search the barn!
Yes, Ruby!
Wait! *Nervously* You can't, beca-because... uh...
Base... ball.
Understood. Our team is the Rubies! Consisting of... Ruby!
Ruby!
Ruby!
*quickly* Ruby!
Ruby.
And Ruby!
What?!
(Acting) Oh, darn! Guess I'm out.
You swung too slow! Do it like this.
Wow! That purple human is really good!
Strike ONE!!
Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Strike TWO!!
Strike THREE!!
Uhhhh... (Ruby look at the Gems with embarrassment)
Now, what you want to do is lead with your hips. Yeah. That's pretty good. Let me show you again.
Pun...intended?

Hmmm, Ughh
Come on, I know you can do it
Just look at the ball.
Don't worry, you can look at me when you're running for home.
Come to ME! (laugh while Sapphire jumps towards Ruby.)
They're Gems!
We've been tricked!
 
What a turn of events.
(Growls)
Huh? W-what?
THAT'S IT! RUBIES...COMBINE!
RAAAAAAAH!
Are you the Peridot assigned to the failed Earth mission?
Where is Jasper?
Correct.
Tell us where Jasper is NOW!
WELL?!
Well, why didn't you say so?
We all here? One, two, three, four, and...ha! (Ruby (Doc) points to herself) Five. To the planet Neptune!
Let's move out, soldiers!