Lore Olympus Fan Comic Dub (MINORS & EXTRAS!)

(disguised as man) Persephone Goddess of Spring?! Would you care to comment on your relationship status with the King of the Underworld for the Daily Oracle?

“Something nice”...? I see… (drawn out) So, (normally) Hades lets some trollop walk all over him for years and years. And now he gets a treat for being a fool? She’s not something nice. She’s a woman. She doesn’t exist for your brother to practice on.

Ok genius! How are you going to explain it to Demeter?! Hey Demeter! We traded your daughter to Hades for a set of golf clubs. No takesies backsies! (pause, Zeus has line here) I SEE! So you get all the glory of saying yes… And I take the fall out? Do you have any idea how frustrating the three of you are? You just do whatever you feel like and don’t consider the consequences. YOU GET TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AND IT’S SO UNFAIR. (pants three times, then sighs) What do you want from me, Zeus? Since when have you been afraid of your wife’s opinion? 

Well, well, well. Finally something good!

You guys have me tied up in a warehouse and you're having a fucking heart to heart?!

Sweet daughter, I have news for you. Your father has started searching out a husband for you!

You should be grateful for the opportunities your beauty affords you. You better not show your father even a hint of attitude.

Just disgraceful.

So gullible…

He’s clearly some sort of evil wizard. Plotting to harvest your mortal soul for his dark magicks…

I'd like to say a few words about the ceremony tomorrow. Although, *hic* I'm more interested in what happens after the ceremony!

You should laugh at my jokes. I paid a lot for you. I've given you all these fine clothes and jewelry. I expect gratitude.

You know the three of you are banned from this establishment, right?

Number one: Butt pinching! Number two: You poached my best dancer! And you! Number three: You still haven't reimbursed us for the broken mermaid tank.

It's good, but I think you're using too many puns for an introduction speech.

At first, I thought what we had was just a one time fling. But, what we had was truly special, and I can’t think of anyone else but you. I have feelings for you. I’ve been trying and trying to talk to you. But you’re making it impossible. I’ve been thinking, and I’ve worked it out. I know you’re angry with me because I said we should keep our relationship on the down-low. I realize now that it was stupid. I’m sorry. I was thinking we should make it official. You and me. We could be Olympus’s next power couple. Imagine it. With my help you could become an Olympian! Now, I know you might be a little intimidated since I’m already an Olympian. But don’t worry, I don’t consider it a downgrade. You’re B grade at the moment. But your pedigree is still very respectable. A daughter of one of the Six Traitors. Heiress to the barley mother fortune. I mean, nobody really knows who you are… And you haven’t really done anything noteworthy yet. Your powers aren’t very strong. But you’re beautiful. I can work with that-

Look, I work a lot of really long hours pulling the sun around the Mortal Realm. And sometimes I don't have great control over my moods. I got frustrated because you don't seem to realize that you were in a lot of danger. Hades could have kept you in the Underworld forever if he wanted to. This wouldn't have happened if I had been at the party.

Now, remember, keep this between you and me. You're my girl, ok.

Little one. (drawn out) Little one. (normally) Good morning, Aidoneus. You slept for a long time. You must be tired from your powers developing. Don't be shy, you can show me. That's it. They're beautiful. Have you thought about what you want to call those shiny rocks of yours?

Don't fight with me. Go hide. You know we cannot outrun him.

Can't we keep calling them shiny rocks?

I've been alive for 2,190 days. That's a long time.

I don’t want to be alone with her when she’s like this.

Wife, you are the most lovely, but you can't distract me like that this time. You've enjoyed him for long enough, give him to me. Motherhood has made you weak, Rhea. Do you remember what Gaia said? If I let him live, he could destroy us. I've given you too much time with him as it is.

Sure-Sure!

Why isn't he getting out? Ummm, your majesty. 

Clearly she is the dark concubine of Hades. She is terrifying.

DON’T TOUCH ME! Everyone knows you got your boyfriend to rip out my roommate’s eye! Not only that, he was beaten within an inch of his life. AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!

Look at her. She’s such a phony. I bet she’s just like all the snobs from Olympus. I knew there was a reason she was called Persephone.

I'd like to begin this semester with a little pop quiz I cooked up last night.

Persephone, great work. But I wouldn't expect anything less from a goddess.

You look concerned. Relax. You know I can keep a secret. Don't forget to zip up your fly.

It would appear your meal ticket has wandering eyes. I don't mean to criticize, darling, but I've always been skeptical about the longevity of your "treat 'em mean, keep him keen" approach. You better get your shit together, Minthe. I would hate to see you replaced. Remember, don't go crying to him. Crying is for wives.

Hey, we have a question. Is this you?

They mean you had sex with him.

Hey lady! Can you move your ass out of the doorway?!

Hey boss, it's been a while.

Look at this face! He looks like her dusty ass dad!

I am! It's called multitasking.

I'm sorry, but I just don't think Hades is into you.

It's hard to look away when she gets like this.

B- Begone, unseen one!

Excuse me. Oh, beautiful and divine fertility goddess, please answer the prayers of a dead man?

Please, divine one, bless my son's wife with many healthy births.

The same for my daughter, I want her marriage to go well!

Thank you for joining me for the monthly meeting for the Goddesses of Eternal Maidenhood.

Those pants are made from a cashmere and silk blend fabric in deep charcoal… And so is that jacket. It seems like the two of you were just together. Persephone, is this why you’re late for the meeting?! What did I tell you, Persephone? It’s not proper for you to spend time with a gentleman without a chaperone. 

Lady Demeter! This shipment is set to arrive in the Olympus based factories next week. Everything is completely on track!

Shut up!

Nobody wants to see your dumb hamster.

How are you meant to stalk your crush if you don't have an online presence?

Don't look into the camera, look out the window or something! And squish your boobs together. Amateurs everywhere, I swear.

Ampelus, could you please draw for me?

Sure thing, Thetis. Anything for you.

Yeah, I heard you, young blood.

Zeus would be in here everyday otherwise.

Hey, get a load of this.

Dat ass though.

Oh my gods. She looks terrible.

I believe you are having a traumatic break! Apparently, complete darkness is preferable to facing your feelings.

Awe, look at your knotted brow. You used to make that same face when you were small. I was so jealous of Rhea when you were born. I'd never seen a child with so many worries. Adorable. I had half a mind to steal you for myself.

Can you please go Aidoneus with his bandages? Hera, I know his injuries may be frightening, but you can't avoid him forever. A war is starting soon. You need to learn to be brave.

"P-Proserpina?" The Doctor is ready for you.

So, Proserpina. What can I do for you?

This is your first visit with us, so I just need to ask you a few questions.

Alright, everybody. It's the third Monday of the month! That means everyone gets ten minutes to speak with our king about any issues they might be having. Remember if you leave the line, y'all lose your position. And there is absolutely no cutting.

Well, everyone wants to speak with his royal majesty. You’ll have to wait in line like everyone else. What’s wrong? Never had to wait in line before, Princess?! Back of the line, sweetheart!

Watch it!

We have to do something about the parking spaces! Everyone needs to use their assigned spaces, otherwise, what's the point? If someone parks in my spot then I have to park in someone else's parking space.

I'm guessing you're not a relative. Only family can visit at this time.

I'm so excited the king of the gods is here at my party.

Thanks again for visiting me. Everything is always so boring around here! I wish father would throw more parties. (sighs) I love parties. You know what I hate? The loom! It's so boring! I kinda want to set it on fire and to see what my father will do.

Get back here and fight me! How dare you defile my daughter in such a way.

LADY DEMETER! (whispering) Zeus is here. 

Yeah! And you shouldn't take his shit! (pause) Sorry for swearing. 

My lady, please don't feel bad.

Yeah, Zeus is a bully. 

YEAH!

YEAH!

YEAH!

Are you sure? We can come with you.

THERE’S A GOD IN THE WOODS!

It’s not Hermes. Should we get your mother?

THERE’S A GOD IN THE WOODS!

 I don’t like it here. Can’t I go home?

It’s just… You’re so beautiful in person… I don’t know what to say to you. 

But Mama, I wanna stay with you.

But he stole my cow.

No, he stole MY cow!

Hey, Boss, there’s been a significant influx of souls today, it’s mayhem on the beach.

(sobs loudly)

Please don’t cry. It’s going to be ok.

Can the two of you get a room? I’m trying to finish my sudoku.

We have small, we have medium, which one is it?

Just don’t lose them, it will come out of your pay.

You have four voice messages.

Press one to delete message. 

Message not sent. Zero credits remaining.

Is that her?