Homestuck VA Group
Project Overview
FEEL FREE TO GO AGAINST THE GRAIN! POPULAR FANDOM HEADCANONS ARE GOOD, BUT NOT NECESSARY! ALSO, I'D LIKE CHARACTERS TO SOUND CLOSE TO THEIR ACTUAL AGE
Homestuck is a webcomic with thousands of comics, spinoffs, and fanfictions, as well as a large community of writers, artists, and voice actors. Our goal is to dub comics, create podfics, and even to read excerpts from the comic! A cast Discord will be created once casting has started!
(I've recently had a bad experience with another member of the fanbase stealing some of my voice acting and claiming it as my own. By auditioning below, I'm trusting that you're being honest and using your own voice.)
Some roles are already casted, so the only roles I'm listing below are the ones that aren't!
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If we dub some of the original comic, you'll read the narration under the panels. In the case of podfics, you'll read anything that isn't a pesterlog or dialogue. Clear voice, good pronunciation.
A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2009, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!
What will the name of this young man be?That's right. It was in the atrium when you got slapped with that stupid blindfold and all hell broke loose.
You hope it's ok! It was your favorite computer, AND your favorite lunchbox.Behold.
THE BATTLESPORK OF ZILLYWUT
The main protagonist, a young boy with a passion for terrible movies. He's a bit dorky, and cares a lot about his friends. A stereotypical "nerd" voice is preferably, but something that isn't annoying to listen to long-term. Slightly high-pitched and nasally.
jeez... i don't know i... i don't know if i'm ready for every single "deep conversation" we can squeeze into this wacky rapid fire session of a fun pal-talk!
GT: oh yeah! i also realized gushers were made by betty crocker. that freaked me the fuck out!
GT: did YOU realize betty crocker makes gushers???EB: i mean, i admit i was pretty confused about it at first, seeing my dead body in the cloud and all...
EB: but in the end, you did it to help me, didn't you?
EB: really, i should probably be thanking you!
EB: uh...
EB: are you there?
Smart and perceptive, interested in psychology. Can come off as a bit cold, but has a very subtle sense of humor. A bit deeper, and often sarcastic.
TT: We are like the emissaries to what lies beyond this small bubble in their unfathomable dark foam.
TT: Derse skirts its edge, and during the lunar eclipse, we graze it, and that's when their intent for us becomes clear.
TT: I'm doing my part, but they have a mission for you as well.TT: John, what are you doing?
TT: Snap out of it.
TT: We ought to discuss what your grandmother told you, don't you think?
TT: Fine. Enjoy your stupor.
TT: I'll go about my business elsewhere.(drunk off her ass)
ROSE: For a guay whos's supposedly, an I quote, "so cool,"
ROSE: You relly are almost comically up tight.
ROSE: Here, why don't you have some...
ROSE: What a prune.
ROSE: *Prude.
ROSE: Hic.
Self-proclaimed master of irony. Puts on a cool-kid persona, but has a much deeper personality. Be warned: if you're casted, you might have to rap a bit. Voice on the deep side for a 13-16 year old, but not sounding like a grown man!
TG: theyre always throwing around these geographical comparisons to give us a sense of scale like it really means anything to us
TG: but its like it doesnt matter its always just like: WOW THATS PRETTY FUCKING BIG
TG: like mr president theres a meteor coming sir. oh yeah, how big is it? its the size of texas sir
TG: OH SHIT
TG: or, how big is it? its the size of new york city sir
TG: OH SHIT
TG: sir im afraid the comet is the size of your moms dick
TG: OH SNAP
TG: sir are you familiar with jupiter
TG: you mean like the planet?
TG: yeah
TG: well its that big sir
TG: hmm that sounds pretty big
TG: i have a question
TG: is it jupiter?
TG: yes sir, earth is literally under seige by planet fucking jupiter
TG: OH SHIT
TG: anyway laterDAVE: why do you even bother with this stupid charade
DAVE: you could be at like a drive in movie making out with each other
DAVE: all exchanging class rings while giving birth to each others fucking childrenDAVE: my game might be drying up rose
DAVE: but its not my fault like im totally hostage to this freezedried backlog of cultural garbage that can never move forward again
DAVE: so i have to pick through it like im looting a fucking tomb while still all tryin to act RAP SASSY
Extremely shouty and short-tempered, but can actually be a wimp. Has a bit of a leadership complex, and tends to think of himself as more intimidating than he actually is. Tends to talk A LOT. Voice should be perpetually raised. Here's an example of EXACTLY what I'm looking for: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-HlZ1pszo8 .
CG: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN.
CG: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING.
CG: IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR.
CG: I HAVE WATCHED YOUR ENTIRE PATHETIC LIFE UNFOLD.
CG: I HAVE OBSERVED YOU WHILE YOU WOULD QUAKE AND TREMBLE IN PERSONAL PRAYERS OF SHAME.
CG: WHILE YOU PLEADED FORGIVENESS FOR BEING SUCH A WRETCHED DISGUSTING FAILURE ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL.
CG: PROSTRATE BEFORE THE STUPID AND FALSE CLOWN GODS YOU HAVE SCRIBBLED ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BLOCK.
CG: BOGUS DEITIES WORSHIPED BY A PRIMITIVE "PARADISE" PLANET.
CG: BUT YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED.
CG: THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN STORE FOR YOU, HUMAN.
CG: ONLY MY HATE.
CG: IT IS A HATE SO PURE AND HOT IT WOULD CONSUME YOUR SAD UNDERDEVELOPED HUMAN THINK PAN TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE.
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT TO FATHOM MUST BE PUT INTO SONG.
CG: SHRIEKED BY THE TEN THOUSAND ROWDY SHOUT SPHINCTERS PEPPERING THE GRUESOME UNDERBELLY OF THE MOST TRUCULENT GOD THE FURTHEST RING CAN MUSTER.
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT MADE YOU AND WILL SURELY DESTROY YOU.
CG: MY HATE IS THE LIFEBLOOD THAT PULSES THROUGH THE VEINS OF YOUR UNIVERSE.
CG: IT IS MY GIFT TO YOU.
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.
CG: YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT.KARKAT: *IS* THERE A PASSWORD LIKE THAT JADE? CAN I START GUESSING AT IT??
KARKAT: LET'S SEE, SINCE YOU APPEAR TO BE SOME SORT OF WILD CARNIVOROUS FURRY NOW, IT PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MEAT, DOESN'T IT?
KARKAT: SAUSAGES?
KARKAT: IT'S SAUSAGES ISN'T ITCG: PREPARE TO GET YOUR PUNY HUMAN BULGE FLAMED INTO NUCLEAR HATEBLIVION.
CG: WELCOME TO THE TROLLOCAUST. THE PAINSTAKING GENOCIDE OF YOUR FRAGILE SELF ESTEEM WILL BE MY SWAN SONG.
Everyone's favorite troll/frog-ghost/robot/fairy thing. Is in a lot of different states, so there should be a vocal difference between them. More cheerful when alive, monotonous when dead, and as a robot, obviously, robotic.
(dead)
ARADIA: 0ur tw0 universes exist 0n 0pp0sing sides 0f a m0bius strip which is 0f c0urse n0thing but c0ntradicti0n
ARADIA: enj0y engineering the present c0nundrum as y0u try t0 s0lve it
ARADIA: im c0mpletely d0ne with this(alive)
ARADIA: i apologize if that is the way i am behaving
ARADIA: it is not true though
ARADIA: i think i look at death differently than most
ARADIA: and it is fair to say this attitude extends to death after death as well(alive)
AA: your body will arrive with them
AA: along with the others
AA: hey maybe we can have a funeral!AA: it's kind of like
AA: a big corpse party
AA: the humans could probably explain it better than me
Pretty cowardly, constantly trying to become more brave and confident.
AT: hE'S, uHH,
AT: oKAY,
AT: sOMEONE SAID i SHOULD GIVE MY SELF ESTEEM A NAME,
AT: aND TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT i SAY, tO MAKE SURE i DON'T HURT HIS FEELINGS,AT: oH ABSOLUTELY, tAKE IT FROM ME AS WHAT FACT IS TRUE,
AT: aND NOW, i FEEL EMBOLDENED TO DO BOLD THINGS THAT HEROES SHOULD DO,
AT: lIKE, sAVE THE LIFE OF A PRETTY GIRL, AND KILL THE FIENDISH OLD MAN, wHO,
AT: wHOOPS, wASN'T FIENDISH, aND YOU LOVED HIM, sORRY,(meek)
AT: hMM,
AT: hEY,
AT: tEREZI,
AT: i HAVE A PROBLEM,
AT: uHHHHHHH,
Usually sarcastic and snippy, but due to bipolar episodes, can also have severe bouts of self hatred. He speaks with a lisp.
TA: well the 2hort 2tory ii2 that iit2 an iimmer2iive 2iimulatiion that you play wiith a group.
TA: the long 2tory ii2 that the fate of our ciiviiliizatiion depend2 on u2 playiing iit.
TA: heh ii gue22 the long one wa2 2horter than the 2hort one FUCK.(to Feferi)
SOLLUX: 2o, ii gue22 thank2 for liikiing me?
SOLLUX: waiit, that 2ounded 2o pathetiic, oh god. ii 2hould probably take that back.(notices Kanaya is eavesdropping)
SOLLUX: KANAYA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU 2TIILL DOIING HERE, GOD DAMN IIT, CAN'T A GUY GET A LIITTLE GLUBBIING PRIIVACY WIITH A FII2H GIIRL IIN A PIILE OF HORN2.
TA: kiind of liike wiith regii2tered 2ex offender2 and 2chool2.
TA: iif you move two a new town you have two go up two your neiighbor2 door and warn them about how 2tupiid you are.
TA: and giive them a chance two hiide all theiir iinnocent technology.
TA: and vandaliize your hou2e.
A jade-blooded troll, eventually turned into a rainbow-drinker (basically fancy talk for troll-vampire). Should speak with very clear pronunciation, a bit posh. Extra points for a British accent.
GA: I Feel A Bit Silly That It Took Me So Long To Engage With The One Corresponding Closely With My Role
GA: It Must Be A Certain Madness Im Afflicted By
GA: To Orbit Those More Reckless And Dangerous Than I And More Daring For It
GA: I Guess I Want To Help Them But They Never Can Be Helped It SeemsGA: Why Is It That When The Subject Of Temporal Mechanics Is Broached Your Sparing Human Intellects Instantly Assume The Most Ingratiating Posture Of Surrender Imaginable
GA: Time Is Not That Difficult To Understand
GA: It Is A Utility That A Universe May Resort To In Order To Advance A Desired Degree Of Complexity
GA: Or May Not Resort To If That Is The Case
GA: Its All Pretty Pedestrian
GA: But No
GA: When Time Travel Comes Up You Present The Face That A Man Shows When The Breeze Gradually Alerts Him To His Absence Of Netherdressings
GA: I Dont See How We Are To Properly Agitate You All If You Continue To Insist On Failing To Understand Basic Concepts Which Common Infants Effortlessly Manage To Describe Via Scrawlings In Their Own Puddles Of Sloppy Discharge(sarcastic)
GA: Oh My It Is Your Human Sarcasm Again
GA: I Enjoy Listening To It And I Wish Doing So Could Serve As My Primary Form Of Recreation
GA: There See I Just Did It Too
GA: Saying The Opposite Thing To Emphasize My Contempt
GA: But Suddenly I Feel More Primitive And Hate Myself A Little More
GA: It Was Like This Funny Miracle That Just Happened In My Heart
A blind troll who "sees" the world around her through a combination of licking and smelling. Has a detective persona, and is obsessed with justice. Often roleplays scenarios in which she's a legislacerator.
GC: M4YB3 1 W1LL ST4RT MY OWN BULL3T1N BO4RD
GC: 4ND 3V3RYON3 W1LL B3 4LLOW3D TO R3PLY 4NY T1M3 TH3Y W4NT
GC: 3XC3PT FOR GUYS W1TH NUBBY HORNS, OH NO, TH3Y W1LL NOT B3 4BL3 TO R3PLY 4T 4LL
GC: GRUMPY K4RK4TS W1LL B3 3XPR3SSLY FORB1DD3N FROM R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN!
GC: >:PGC: >:P
GC: 4CTU4LLY H3S K1ND OF SM4RT4SSY L1K3 YOU NOW TH4T 1 TH1NK 4BOUT 1T
GC: BUT YOU S33M C4LM 1NST34D OF SHOUTY 4LL TH3 T1M3
GC: 4LSO
GC: YOU TYP3 1N BR1GHT BOLD R3D
GC: YOU DONT H1D3 TH3 COLOR OF YOUR BLOOD L1K3 4 STUP1D W1GGL3R >:](Read Terezi's (GC's) part of this exchange. She's basically fucking with John (GT))
GC: H3H3
GT: uuuuugh
GC: H4H4H
GC: H3H3H3H3
GT: ?
GC: LOL!
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
GC: >:]
GT: well
GT: i guess you're not too bad a troll if this is all you do.
GT: just laughing and stuff.
GC: H33H33H33!!!!
GC: H4H4H4H4
GT: hehe
GC: 4H4H4H44H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
GT: hehehehehehe
GC: JOHN
GC: WHY WOULD YOU L4UGH 4T 4 BL1ND G1RL
GT: uh...
GC: YOU H4V3 NO 1D34 HOW MUCH YOU D1SGUST M3
GC: YOUR3 4 TOT4L D1SGR4C3 TO TH3 F13LD OF 3CTOB1OLOGY
GC: 1F W3 3V3R M33T
GC: 1M GO1NG TO CUT YOUR THRO4T
GC: 4ND L1ST3N TO YOU BL33D WH1L3 1 SM3LL YOU D13
Often brash and morally dubious, but shows a softer side occasionally. A bit sing-songy, yet deep, (a-la-Meg from Hercules??).
FAG: Yes, you told him 8ro!
FAG: I distinctly remem8er you telling him a8out stairs. 8ut he didn't listen.
FAG: He never listens! None of you do, really.
FAG: And now all of your extra lives are waaaaaaaasted.
FAG: What a 8unch of losers! I'm outta here.(her typing quirk, which all trolls have, includes replacing "ate" with 8. H8 is pronounced as "hate")
AG: I h88888888 you!
AG: H8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 haaaaaaaate!
AG: I only regret killing you cause it m8de you so 8ORING!!!!!!!!AG: I know I did! I still do, I guess. I dunno.
AG: 8ut I was never gonna kill these people. They were like, off limits I guess?
AG: These games were just supposed to 8e fun and serve no other purpose!
The big sweaty troll guy. Set in his ways, and a strong believer in the hemo-spectrum (a social hierarchy based on the trolls' blood color). Shows his soft spot around Nepeta, his moirail, over whom he is very protective.
CT: D --> This is f001ishness upon one hundred thousand prior, equally unsolicited f001ishnesses
CT: D --> You'll stop nowCT: D --> Yuck
CT: D --> Don't pol100t my incoming data stream with his name, or any sort of e%cremental language you pick up from his ilkCT: D --> If you're 100king for a 100phole through which you may e%tract concessions from me, you'll have to 100k elsewhere
Usually high on sopor slime, and very chill. When sober, however, he's possessed by Lord English, and becomes murderously insane. For the last lines, when he's sober, alternate between a near-whisper and a yell. ALSO, KEEP IN MIND THAT HE'S 13!
TC: HaHaHa fUcK MoThErFuCkIn yEaH!
TC: LeT'S TaKe tHiS NiNjA-tItTiEd BiTcH BaCk tO ThE HiVe wItH ThE ChOrUs...
TC: ToGeThEr mY MiRaClE BrOtHeR!TC: i'Ve gOt tO BeLiEvE At wHaT My hEaRt tElLs iN Me, EvEn iF It's a fAkE ThInG
TC: HoNkTC: i've been kicking the wicked ignorance on this shit.
TC: BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN SLAUGHTERING THE WICKED IGNORANCE, BRO.
TC: all up in lifelong denial about my calling.
TC: AS A DESCENDANT OF THE HIGH MOTHERFUCKIN SUBJUGGLATORS.
TC: we are higher than you, brother.
TC: WE ARE HIGHER THAN MOTHERFUCKIN EVERYBODY.--
TC: I AM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.
TC: and paint the wicked pictures with your motherfuckin blood.
TC: FROM YOUR VEINS WILL DRIP MY MIRACLES.
TC: your crushed bones will make my special stardust.
TC: WELCOME TO THE DARK CARNIVAL, BROTHER.
TC: honk.
TC: HONK.
TC: honk.
A high-blooded sea-dweller, therefore a bit cocky about his own status. Constantly hatching up plans to exterminate the land-dwellers, although it's a bit obvious that he'd never go through with it. You can choose whether or not to pronounce his typing quirk. I'm not a huge fan of the Octopimp-esque voice that most people give him.
CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME
CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble
CA: and really none of your fuckin business QUITE FRANKLY your majesty
CA: and the only reason i put up with stickin my flipper in this fuckin shithole quadrant with you wasCA: ok wwell you are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many wways i dont knoww wwhat to say anymore
CA: wwhatevver wwe wwill just play and find out i guess
CA: so can you tell her to talk to me anywwayCA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived
CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin
CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker
CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody
CA: im worse than anybody
CA: EVERYBODY
CA: all the bodies
The heiress to the Alternian throne, although she never treats her friends as inferiors due to her position. Becomes excited very easily.
CC: Well I am going to join my team pretty late.
CC: I t)(ink I )(ave to!
CC: I will need to connect after my goofball moirail does so I can keep my goggles on )(is nefarious escapades.
CC: Its a toug)( job but its important! Everyone )(as an important job to do.CC: On t)(at note I t)(ink Im going to go say goodbye to )(er. Maybe you s)(ould too w)(ile you )(ave t)(e c)(ance!
CC: Even t)(oug)( Ill see )(er again soon w)(ic)( still seems kind of strange to me.
CC: But t)(ats w)(y t)(is is all so -EXCITING!
CC: KANAYA BY----------------------------E!CC: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!
CC: God.
CC: Will you just clam up for once in your life?
CC: Always carping and carping and carping!
CC: You go completely overboard with your emotions, always looking to reel in drama wherever you can.
CC: I am up to my gills in it! I just can't salmon the strength anemonemore.
A sweet girl with a passion for baking. Speaks in an old-fashioned manner. (I've seen people voice her with a Southern twang, although my preference leans towards a Transatlantic accent for her. Neither is alright, though, as I don't have as strong an idea of what I would like her to sound!)
GG: Anyway, I think I'm getting closer to finding where my house went.
GG: Then I can reunite with dad, and together we can sleuth this great big pickle of a planet!GG: How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response.
(freaking out at Jake)
GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY, BECAUSE THERE ISN'T GOING TOBE A PARTY!
GG: GO RAID SOME TOMBS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. GO MAKE OUT WITH HIM OR BREAK UP WITH HIM, OR WHATEVER IT IS YOUR FICKLE, SELFISH HEART DESIRES!
GG: I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE WITH YOU!
GG: I AM FED UP WITH YOUR STUPID MOVIES AND YOUR STUPIDADVENTURES AND YOUR STUPID OLD TIMEY CHARMS AND YOU STUUUUUUPIDDASHING GOOD LOOKS. WHO NEEDS ANY OF IT?????
Drunk almost all the time when she's first introduced, but becomes sober soon enough. I picture her with a Brooklyn accent, but it's totally optional.
(drunk)
TG: ell
TG: emm
TG: eff
TG: ayy
TG: OFF~~!~
TG: like my butt is juts there on the floor
TG: is how hard i elled it off just now(sober)
TG: it is getting so cloak and dagger in this bitch u dont even no
TG: the carapace men are all wearing jaunty suits
TG: its like i have become magically sealed in a lame spy fic and now im havin adventures that make no sense(sober)
TG: LEEEEE sigh
TG: like
TG: doing literally the frenchest of possible sighs over here
TG: its wearing a lopsided beret in the city of goddamn light falling in FUCKING love
TG: such is my sigh
TG: am packing TOTES ennui janey
TG: or shd i say.......
TG: ennOUI ;)
Like his ecto-brother, Dave, not a very open guy. Hides under layers of irony, but in moments it's visible that he's a truly broken person. Still, cares a lot about his friends and is patient with them. Deep voice, it's rare that he raises it. A little calmer than Dave.
TT: I found a really promising tomb we could raid.
TT: Looks like it runs hella deep.
TT: If I've got the specs right, could run as deep as the Lion's Mouth itself.
TT: But without all the fuckin' fire to deal with.
TT: Wait, I mean *Lion's Mouth.*
TT: Gotta underline that key shit. Always forget.--
TT: Oh, Lil Cal? No, man.
TT: Lil Cal is the shit.TT: Yeah well. Turns out maybe that's not such a good quality if you wanna make a relationship last longer than three seconds. At least not in my case.
TT: I know I ripped into him pretty hard when I had the clown hair and the little soda can on my head.
TT: But the truth is I was pretty goddamn overbearing.
TT: Sometimes I look back on stuff and think I might have essentially bullied him into a relationship with me.
TT: Actually, it's more complicated than that. Parts of me were operating independently from myself.
TT: So it's like I was bullying myself into bullying him into liking me. If that makes sense.(Dirk has designed artificial intelligence in his glasses, and program created to mimic him and talk in his stead when he is indisposed. He can't stand the Auto-Responder, and during an argument with the Responder tries to avoid saying that they're the same person (which is the true reason that Dirk is so upset, he has nobody but himself to blame for his shortcomings). Finally, he cracks)
(emotional, finally raising his voice)
TT: I know!
TT: Ok, we're the same person!
TT: I fucking know that!
TT: Why do you think I'm so fed up with your shit?
TT: Don't you think it's possible that I'm fed up with my OWN shit??
TT: How cool do you think it is having my own godawful personality mirrored back at me all the time, reminding me what it must be like when other people have to deal with me?
TT: Or constantly having all the consequences and fuckups resulting from my batshit thought processes amplified because there's another version of my crazy brain out there dangerously overclocked by a supercomputer which believes, just as mistakenly as my own broken mind, that it's operating in my best interest???
TT: Do you have any idea how fucking sick I am of myself?
TT: I am completely worn out with my own identity. It's like I'm drowning in my own dismal persona.
TT: I feel totally surrounded by it, inside and out. I can't escape from myself.
Speaks in a goofy old-fashioned way. Exaggerated English accent, a little on the high side.
GT: Blast.
GT: Well what in the name of willy howard tafts great tub choking bottom could i be forgetting then?
GT: This is going to drive me CRAZY! Can you give me a hint?(you don't have to say the shit in asterisks if you don't want)
GT: It has just been...
GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner.
GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie.
GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.*
GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!GT: I guess i cant help but wonder if that truly is the way she sees me or if it is just some wild ego stroking delusion on my part.
GT: I always get this sense that people sorta fancy me but who knows i could be just miles off the old rocker about that!
A cherub. Unlike her brother, Caliborn, she's very kind and cares for humans and trolls. She envies trolls to the point of dressing up as one in her spare time. Should have a light and high voice with an English accent.
ALSO: Be sure to mosey on over and give Caliborn a whirl, too. I've been playing with the idea of the two of them having the same voice actor, as they share the same body.
UU: oh, hee hee! bUt i never claimed to be from that planet, which is only in the far reaches of yoUr solar system.
UU: in fact i am from mUch farther away. a different Universe altogether.
UU: bUt if yoU trUly mean it, thank yoU for believing me!CALLIOPE: to tell yoU the trUth, i woUld rather not talk aboUt my brother. or anything from my past, really.
CALLIOPE: dwelling on it for long makes me feel very anxioUs.UU: ah.
UU: yes, yoU're right of coUrse. i'm probably getting carried away as UsUal.
UU: forgive my enthUsiasm, it's jUst that i so rarely have anyone to talk to who shares my passion for these matters.
UU: certainly not my cUrmUdgeonly coplayer. >:U
Brash, inappropriate, and disrespectful. Also the larval form of the main antagonist, Lord English. Should have a scratchy and loud voice. Take pauses whenever there are periods, even when they're in inappropriate places. English accent is optional.
ALSO: Please also audition for Calliope! I've been liking the idea of the both of them having the same VA because they share a body.
uu: YOu ARE BAD AT GAMES.
uu: AND A GAME.
uu: IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO PLAY.
uu: DIRK.
uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.WOW, HE'S SO PERFECT. SO HUGE. SO *STRONG*.
I LOVE HIM BEING STRONG.
FINALLY. THE IDEAL MINION. WITH THE TYPE OF POWER I ADMIRE THE MOST.
WHICH IS. BEING A HUGE STRONG GUY WITH ENORMOUS POWERFUL MUSCLES!
YESSSSSSSSSSS.
OH YEAH. I ALSO GOT GREEN STRIPE HAT. HE'S GOOD TOO.uu: PERSONALLY? I DON'T CARE.
uu: MAYBE IT'S AGAINST THE RuLES. WHAT WE'RE DOING.
uu: I JuST WANT TO GET IN THERE. AND JuST.
uu: FuCK.
uu: SHIT.
uu: uP.--
IT'S NOT BREAKING THE GLASS I MIND.
THIS IS THE THING THAT INVOLVES.
*SHUDDER*
"TEAM WORK"
RIGHT?
Good luck with this one. Monotonous, informative. Very politically correct. Talks in gigantic text walls (the above is only about a fourth of the full monologue he gives), so be prepared for lots of long and verbose readings.
N9w I realize we've 6een at this f9r s9me time already,
6ut at the risk 9f derailing the dial9gue y9u initiated,
and may I just say h9w thrilled I am that y9u did, Karkat, I w9uld just like qualify my entire analysis 9f y9ur "Alternian culture" 6y saying that in c9ntrast with life 9n 6ef9rus, while y9ur pe9ple may have 6een engaged in vi9lent, lethal class struggle f9r milli9ns 9f sweeps, 6y n9 means d9es this imply that the 6ef9ran way 9f life was entirely with9ut pr96lematic elements, perhaps even m9re distur6ing and insidi9us f9r their lack 9f ackn9wledgement and 9pen discussi9n, particularly as a c9nsequence 9f what in my view were widely and dismayingly unexamined systemic s9cial injustices resulting fr9m the entrenched p9wer dynamics in play, dynamics strikingly similar t9 th9se 9f y9ur planet's markedly m9re 6ellic9se iterati9n, which has 9nly served t9 fully vindicate my hyp9thesis that such a hierarchy is really predicated 9n intrinsic dysfuncti9n, and failure t9 shift all the usual narratives and undiagn9sed pr96lems int9 an 9pen, judgment-free disc9urse thr9ugh which pr96lematic issues are c9nstructively channeled int9 m9re intelligently pr96lematized avenues 9f discussi9n.
N9w 6ef9re I c9ntinue, it is 9nly decent 9f me t9 warn y9u a69ut certain triggers that are surely ahead in this essay. I mean c9nversati9n. Triggers include 6ut likely will n9t 6e limited t9 class 9ppressi9n, culling culture and vi9lence against gru6s, lusus a6use, c9mplementary and anal9g9us hate speech, pail filling, slurries and 9ther c9ncupiscent fluids, lifespan shaming, a6leist slurs, pr9lix dissertation... Actually, may6e it w9uld 6e easier f9r y9u t9 list y9ur triggers, and I'll d9 my 6est t9 av9id th9se t9pics, 9r navigate them m9re delicately, if at all p9ssi6le?
Troll who speaks entirely in Japanese, almost always saying something incredibly lewd. Lines must be recorded in Japanese. Deeper voice. (Feel free to Google translate the lines to find the pronunciations if you can't speak Japanese).
DAMARA: あなたは、幽霊のような私の性器が性的クライマックスを持っていることを確認してください。あなたの幻の馬のペニスでそれを行う必要があります。
DAMARA: あなたは私にはできません。あなたは私を理解できない場合。
DAMARA: さらに。あなたは私にはできません。あなたは私を性交することができない場合。DAMARA: あなたの哀れな軍隊は失敗しなければならない。
DAMARA: 彼はあなたの幽霊を食べるようになる。彼は現実そのものを消費するからである。
Tavros' dancestor. Chill and smooth guy, easy-going.
Rufioh: yo my gangstas! d1d 1 hear you were go1ng off to f1ght a ghost k1ll1ng demon...
Rufioh: m1nd 1f 1 tag along... 1've been hop1ng for a chance to put an end to my cruel joke of an ex1stence... haha... bangarang.RUFIOH: no, the robot body was def1n1tely a th1ng... 1 k1nd of blocked that out of my memory too, haha... that was... that sh*t was someth1ng else, yo! crazy...
RUFIOH: 1'm sure you remember how all that started... back when damara and 1 were st1ll dat1ng... r1ng any bells?RUFIOH: anyway... once 1 actually do get up the nerve to break 1t to h1m... don't be th1nk1ng th1s 1s your b1g chance w1th me!
RUFIOH: 1t's over between us for good... k1nda for obv1ous reasons... so just fr1ends, you d1g?
Due to a severe brain injury, Mituna has trouble speaking normally. Lots of letters jumbled up, should almost sound like he's glitching.
MITUNA: WHY 4R3 Y0U 70UCH1N9 M3?
MITUNA: Y0UR3 571LL 70UCH1NG M3 4ND 1 D0N7 UND3R574ND WHY 7H15 15 H4PP3PP1NG
MITUNA: 1 D0N7 W4N7 Y0UR H4ND 7H3R3
MITUNA: 1 W4N7 7H47 Y0UR H4ND 70 N07 83 0N MY 80DY PL3453
MITUNA: W4HH FFFF 5H17H1H7 5H17
MITUNA: 3H3HH3H7H37H37H3 YY35
MITUNA: 7H0NGH7 Y0DU N3V3R 45K
MITUNA: 817HCH 4C4M3 4R0UN57 70 MY W1L135 MU7H4FUCK5!
MITUNA: W417 H3LUP
MITUNA: H3LP H0W D01 74K3 0FF MY CL07H37H 4G41N?MITUNA: FUCH Y0UR 4ND Y0UR FUCKY CHUMPHY 5UCKYFUCK FR0NGHUMPH1NG 8R1ND3 573M R1G7H UP3 Y0UR 5H17F7Y PH3L5M504K3D PR083CHU7H3 71L7 1Z 5UCK 4ZZ 8171CH 15 5UCKKY 5UCHY FUCK37Y 5UCKH0L3 FUCKY FCUK3Y FUCK FUCK FUCK
Overly-excited and obsessed with shipping. Deaf, and therefore has little to no volume control. Loud, fangirlish squealing and rolled r's.
MEULIN: (^?o?^)? < YOU HAVE B33N OUT OF THE LOOP FOR A LONG TIME, SO YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF MIRACLES HAVE B33N WROUGHT BY THE MAGE OF HEART!
MEULIN: (=^-?-^=) < NOW, BEFORE I WORK MY MAGIC, WE SHOULD GET ONE THING CLEAR. IS YOUR YEARNING RED OR BLACK?MEULIN: \(=^?^)// < OMG M33NAH, THE SHIIIIIIIIIPPING! (=;?;=) ?(=???=)? (^�?�^ )
MEULIN: (^�?�^ ) < YOU WON'T EVEN _BELIEVE_ WHO GOT TOGETHER OVER THE SW33PS. AND THE QUADRANTS! THE QUADRANTS THEY PAIRED UP IN... IT WILL _BLOW_. _YOUR_. _MIND_.MEULIN: (^?o?^) < OHHH. G333. EMMM.
MEULIN: (=^?^=) < I HAVE THE _BEST_ IDEA FOR A FIC LIKE THAT.MEULIN: (=T?T=) < THE F333333333LS!!!!!!!!!
Low and sultry voice, British accent optional.
PORRIM: No+ o+ne quite prepares yo+u fo+r the fact that o+n the o+ther side o+f death is an infinite echo+ chamber o+f teen drama.
PORRIM: Funny ho+w when we left o+ur wo+rld to+ play yo+ur game, we all tho+ught we were leaving o+ur juvenile scho+o+lfeeding days behind us.(sarcastic)
PORRIM: Yes, ho+w dreadful it wo+uld be fo+r yo+ur sixty nine millio+n wo+rd essay to+ get bo+gged do+wn by even the faintest reference to+ the ro+les o+f gender in Befo+ran and Alternian civilizatio+n.
PORRIM: Kankri. Our peo+ple are extinct, and yo+u're wo+rried abo+ut "distracting fro+m the mo+re glaring issues"??
PORRIM: EVERYONE IS DEAD!!!
Skater-girl persona, talks loudly and boasts quite often.
LATULA: you knowz 1t bro!!!
LATULA: you c4nt 3v3n TOUCH th1s. 1m 3sc4p1ng to th3 s1d3, from 4bov3, from 3v3ry wh1ch w4y b4s1c4lly!!!!LATULA: chy34h, R1GHT! you h4v3 4 long, LONG w4y to go b3for3 you 34rn 3nough r4d-cr3dz to b3 M3. or 4s 1 l1k3 to c4ll th3m, CRADZ.
LATULA: wh4... w41t wh4t? 4w m4n.
LATULA: wh4t you t4lk1ng 4bout grl. m33n4h wh3r3d you go! com3 h3lp m3 b3 cyn1c4l 4bout th1s! 4h!!!
Like her dancestor, Vriska, a bit morally dubious. Ends justify the means. Should sound a bit scholarly. I don't have a particular voice in mind for her, so it's up to interpretation.
ARANEA: Unfortun8tely, I don't think I will 8e a8le to reciproc8 your feelings of hostility. I find you to 8e too charming.
ARANEA: Still, you do have a way with words. If we were compati8le in that quadrant, you might have swept me off my feet!ARANEA: What to do a8out you?
ARANEA: Shall I continue to manipul8 you? Or will you comply with my orders if I decide to loosen my grip?
ARANEA: Perhaps the threat of 8eing controlled again will 8e enough to keep your capricious tendencies in check?
--ARANEA: 8ack. A little further.
ARANEA: I said further!
ARANEA: No, not closer! Further!
ARANEA: Uuuuuuuugh.
ARANEA: Guess what! You just lost your poking privileges.
ARANEA: I think I'll hang on to this for a little while. How do you like that?ARANEA: Oh, wow. No.
ARANEA: You will not ever 8e speaking again. No.
ARANEA: Never, never, never again. Never.
ARANEA: Wow.
ARANEA: And I thought our Makara was awful. At least he had the decency to sew his mouth shut.-
ARANEA: There! See?
ARANEA: I am respecting your personal 8oundaries. We don't have to kiss!
ARANEA: Good grief, that went poorly.
ARANEA: I only tried to kiss you 8ecause I knew you were attracted to me!
ARANEA: I thought I was doing you a FAVOR!
ARANEA: I don't know what I'm supposed to........
Mouth stitched shut, "talks" through telepathic powers. Extremely deep and booming voice. An echo effect will be added (you don't have to add one for you audition, although if possible it would be appreciated!)
KURLOZ: ON THIS DAY THE DARK CARNIVAL REJOICED AND SAID IT WAS MONEY
KURLOZ: NOW BRING TO LIFE OUR WICKED RUSE WITH APLOMB MY NINJA
KURLOZ: OUT LORD AWAITS YOUR SERVITUDE AND TUTELAGE AT ONCE
KURLOZ: WE SHALL NOW BUST OPEN THESE BITCHIN ELIXIR FORTIES
KURLOZ: AND POUR OUT SOME SWILL FOR THE SOULS WHO SOON WONT BE NO MOREKURLOZ: WITH THIS MOST RIGHTEOUS MOTHER FUCKIN PELVIC APPAREL, THE WICKED ENSEMBLE IS NOW COMPLETE
KURLOZ: IT MUST BE DELIVERED TO THE BARD OF RAGE AT ONCE, SO THAT HE MAY CONTINUE OUR MIRTHFUL MOTHER FUCKIN WORKKURLOZ: LONG LIVE THE ANGEL OF DOUBLE DEATH
A bit of a douchebag, and a flirt, but not a very good one. Probably belongs in r/niceguys. Should talk with a Greaser accent.
QUIRK: Pronounce the v's before w's, and add w's after v's to the best of your ability. "Water" becomes "vwater," "villain" becomes "wvillain."
CRONUS: wvell vwell wvelvlw...
(realizing his line has failed)
CRONUS: GLO8ES.
CRONUS: i sawv you vwalking my vway, and i had this smooth line all ready to go.
CRONUS: but for some reason i decided to open it vwith a tongue tvwister?
CRONUS: vwery nice ampora, starting your killer line with three consecutivwe 'W' vwords in a rowv.
can i ask you a question? why do all you pretentious scenester types enjoy being so cruel to especially sensitivwe and artistic people?
CRONUS: vwithout commenting specifically on that, (because seriously, VWHAT? so rude), i vwill say that it gets vwery frustrating after the first fewv epochs trying to make heads or tails vwhat people are evwen LOOKING for. i mean, in ANY quadrant.
CRONUS: nowv, please don't tell anyone i said so, but you and i both knowv pretty much all these people should feel honored to go out vwith a guy like me.
CRONUS: please stop apologizing so much, its really unattractivwe. at this point evwen IM not sure if i vwant to sleep vwith you.
Sassy and sarcastic. There are two accents I like for her: either a AAVE (African American Vernacular English) dialect, or an Australian accent.
Meenah: that makes no fuckin sense at all
Meenah: anemoneway i dont recall giving anyone clearance for a whalenormous treasure hunt
Meenah: as the rightful heiress that sorta noise has to go through me yo!!!MEENAH: damara
MEENAH: if horrible conversations was a video game you would truly be last boss
MEENAH: now where the fucks aranea and her lil windbag stand lets just get this jam over with alreadyMEENAH: why you have to swim in here and present me with this codawful dilemma
MEENAH: why do you have to be so lame and chumpy and such an obvious mark
MEENAH: your dork ass face just screams waaaah gimme a fuckin wedgie and take my ring!
Submit lines to already-casted characters here for a chance to become an understudy. I'll contact you if you're chosen to be casted. Any of the characters above can be read for, as well as unlisted character (Jade, Nepeta, etc.).
Say something you think would fit
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