BIZANTINe NOIRe
Project Overview
Bizantine Noire is a choose your own adventure, animated comedy set in a cartoonish noir cityscape. It features a very large cast of characters for the protagonist, Dick Johnson, to interact with as he solves mysteries and gets shot at.
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The main character, Dick Johnson, Private Dick. he's a stereotypical hard boiled detective who's a little full of himself. This character talks ALOT. I wouldn't recommend auditioning for this character unless you're willing to talk ALOT. If you do want to audition, just think of any hardboiled detective voice.
The streets are always pretty dirty at night… which is always… and if you ain’t careful, you’ll get dragged down into the dirt too. See, I’m a man who enjoys his suits, I like ‘em clean, and I think it’d be a real shame if anything ever happened to them. I follow 3 rules to keep my suits clean. One: No Dames. I ain’t no simpin’ scumbag, I don’t tip my waitresses, and I sure as hell don’t hold the door. In my line of work it’s bad for business. Two: No taking off the hat while on the job, which is always. A man is nothing without a good hat, and I ain’t gonna get caught with a head full of nothin’ like some kind of day 1 dew licker. Lastly, Rule number Three: Never, under any circumstance, go anywhere near The Applebees. The only chance a guy like me would go to a place like that would be if I had an itch to puke up blood on the side of the walk. It’s these three rules that have kept me clean, and it’s these three rules that’ll keep it that way.
Well, looks like this punk played his last game of… eh, I’m too sober to come up with a witty one liner. I’ll just steal his wallet instead.
Huh, and here I thought a piece of gum would stop an entire train from moving. Ah well, live and learn I guess.
The only non corrupt police officer in the city. Urges Dick to stop solving crimes since it's technically vigilantism. He's the kind of guy to eat bread without anything on it and go to bed at 7:30.
Yeah… uh… The commissioner wanted me to remind you that you’re NOT a real detective, and your actions will be considered vigilantism in the eyes of the law. So no more solving crimes. Not after that incident with that Norwegian Girl...
Hey Dick. Now I hope you aren’t here to interrogate any of our prisoners. Because I distinctly remember telling you not to do that just a couple hours ago.
*after Dick announces his name and pops out of Copper's Fridge*
I know who you are, Dick! What the hell are you doing in my refrigerator?!
The Court of Wizards are four almost identical wizards who play pretend in public parks and talk like they're from a fantasy novel. They consist of The Pyromancer, Necromancer, Enchanter, and Transmuter.
WE ARE THE COURT OF WIZARDS! AND WE SEEK YOUR HELP IN FINDING OUR MISSING MEMBER!
Dangerous trolls, vial brigands that are more beast than human, and cults of degenerates! All of them under the employ of a diabolical diabolist from the west. His cruel intellect matched only by his insanity. Finnigan Viperflame!
I’ve handled trolls before. Large, fat and ugly…
A sewer dwelling shop keeper/ con artist/ shady inn keeper. I'm alright with any accent or voice, but I always imagined the Khajiit guy from skyrim. Again though, really open to anything you come up with.
Trinkets, odds and ends, that sort of thing.
ladies and gentlemen, I’ve got whatever you could ever never need. I’ve got clocks that go to 13. Tie dye shirts, cellophane sunglasses! You want it, I got it, or else my name isn’t Sleazebag! Gee, can’t get a single sale in… Say, sir, why doesn’t nobody want my useless junk?!
Hey, hey, cool it jack, name’s Sleazebag. I live in the sewers and sell stolen goods- I mean, factory new wares!
Halibut's a greedy hitman with a very limited emotional range outside of mild annoyance. This kind of goes with most roles, but I'm really open to whatever you want to do with this.
Halibut. Hitman for Hire. How can I help you? Yeah? Uhuh. Detective? For Mr. Baron, no job is too tough. Of course, I expect to receive my regular fee. Yeah. 210 vbucks. Double it? Beautiful baby.
I kill for money, of course I’m nuts.
A thief with albinism. He cares only about making filling his pockets.
Ya serious? At least you’ve got a job! I mean, look at Larry here! All he does is be blind and sit in the corner!
I've stolen 30 wallets so far, and I plan on stealing 30 more very soon.
I've got this crowbar here... Don't worry about the red stuff on it. On second thought, maybe you should. You don't have any open cuts on ya, do you?
Leader of a powerful cult of Furries. Talks like a peeved off discord mod, and commits witchcraft.
No, Detective… I wanna know why HE lied to my staff team!!!
Okay, I’m not fucking laughing.
He's the curator of a museum gallery and commands an army of british soldiers.
You see, some despicable gang of unscrupulous rogues broke into the museum last eve, and painted over all of the phallic symbols!
FOR KING AND COUNTRY BROTHERS!
A vampire who makes a bunch of really awful vampire puns. The guy's a tool and nobody likes him. Stereotypical vampire voice.
Lemurs, Dick Johnson. We have an infestation of Lemurs. I like to shoot them with my BB gun
Yes, the finest scotch money can buy, in a long neck bottle. Of course if you don’t like that… we’ve got bloodweiser.
*after being called a vampire*
A vampire? Hahaha, you make me laugh. What gives you that idea?
Jim is an idiot who got a doctorate in everything and is now so in debt that he's taking jobs for vampires. He's probably one of the only sane characters though, and sees through The Count very quickly.
I have a doctorate in everything. Ya know I used to be a millionaire? Yep, that’s what 984 different college courses’ll get you. Just a whole lot of student debts and very little job opportunities. Well excluding this one.
He invites us to dinner and all he gives us is munster Cheese? and Blood oranges? Who eats blood oranges?! You lead us to this “Dinner”, and all that’s here are bloody marys and BLOOD ORANGES!!
Is anybody getting some red flags here?
Mack is an oversized sentient switchblade. He works for notorious crime kingpin Tortellini Fonzarelli, and is renowned as being the sharpest tool in the shed.
Give it up, Dick. You’re fighting the sharpest tool in the shed.
Look at me, I think I know knives.
The Count's hunchbacked servant. he's a passive aggressive twit.
I apologize for the rocus. My master enjoys practicing his music whenever he can. Even if it’s LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS FOR PEOPLE TRYING TO SLEEP!
My master, he’s got a job for you. Said it’s level of importance… was grave.
*after being called a hunchback*
No, I’m a midget… and I had a stroke a year ago.
Leader of a tribe of native cannibals. Talks like mung dahl. That's pretty much the joke. It's mung dahl.
hello dear boy, we're going to lick the meat from your bones.
These are my boys, we eat human flesh and worship satan.
A panicky manager at a funko pop store. Mostly just screams and gets interrogated.
Okay okay! You got me! I’m not gonna do anything funny! I know how to play the game! Now whaddaya want?!
*literally just you shouting*
A hyperactive addict to clothing, who sells bootleg wares, or drip as he calls it.
Say pal, you wanna buy some drip?
I got supreme, gucci... Whaddaya want?
Squire of The Duke. Stereotypical british voice, but more snooty.
Any history nerd knows that the Egyptians kept all their gold in The Valley of Kings, what they don’t know is that the valley isn’t a valley at all. It’s a bottle. That’s right Dick, all of the egyptian’s gold was melted down into a liquid, put in a bottle, and fermented in a pharaoh's tomb for two thousand years, where it was found by a very talented archaeologist we hired. An Archaeologist who my boss had shot, drowned in the red sea, and left to rot on the shore of Cairo. All, so he could present to you today, this offering. A bottle containing literal liquid gold.
A member of The Family of Adventurers. Talks like an overly flamboyant pirate, but if you want to do an accent go ahead.
Let us sword fight.
I am the Birate Captain, devilishly dangerous, and handsome too.
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