Big Steve
Project Overview
This is for a college project where I needed to write a commercial for a business that would do well on campus. Introducing, Big Steve's Squirrel Elimination and Protection Agency.
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I'm looking for a redneck, super southern, hippy voice. You must have a good mic, but Big Steve is a squirrel killing machine that loves his ex wife and hates Evets Grande, the sonofabitch that stole her from him.
Howdy folks, my name is Big Steve, and I’m the nation's number one choice in squirrel defense. My ancestors been huntin’ squirrels since the dawn of recorded history, and as a member of the Big Steve line, I’ve been trained in multiple forms of ka-rah-tay to ensure the best squirrel ass woopin’ you ever did see. So, for the low low price of twenty bucks and a cool rock, I’ll watch your back for a whole twenty-four hours. Guaranteed!
You need a nice mic and the ability to scream. You were attacked by a squirrel which resulted in losing the full use of one of your legs. This is your witness statement
Ever since the attack, I’ve lost the full use of my right leg. I used to love running, but that monster took it away from me. I should have run faster.
*blood curdling scream*
Help us! Don’t let our stories be forgotten!
You need a nice mic. Your child was kidnapped by a squirrel. You are horrified and distraught. This is your witness statement.
They took my baby. My poor little baby. He was so young, so small.
Nothing is being done!
You need a nice mic. You have been wronged and hurt by squirrels before and now are sharing your witness statement. You are upset and pleading for help from Big Steve.
There are beasts on our campus, beasts!
We need a hero!
must have a good mic and must speak in a professional tone
Squirrels. They are the most deadly creatures known to man, with their annual death count surpassing that of mosquitoes by millions. Kidnappings, maulings, and rabies are all on the rise, and the United States is only recommending one thing.
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