Howdy folks, my name is Big Steve, and I’m the nation's number one choice in squirrel defense. My ancestors been huntin’ squirrels since the dawn of recorded history, and as a member of the Big Steve line, I’ve been trained in multiple forms of ka-rah-tay to ensure the best squirrel ass woopin’ you ever did see. So, for the low low price of twenty bucks and a cool rock, I’ll watch your back for a whole twenty-four hours. Guaranteed!