A Genuine Apology
I'm following up on the first apology because I realize it was actually pretty shitty and I ended up defending a lot of my actions. In truth, what I did was wrong, and I realize that now. I wasn't being blunt, I was being mean, and I take full accountability for that. I truly, genuinely apologize to everyone I have hurt with my words and my judgements, and I understand that intention does not equate to effect. I do not intend to excuse my actions in any way, but I would at the very least like to clear up some things to begin with.
Firstly, the twitter post (https://x.com/JustAVoiceActor/status/2014796934423216369) mentions that I did not disclose ahead of time that I would be reacting to the auditions publicly. While this is partially true (I did not disclose as such from the beginning of the casting call) I did disclose it within a project update the moment I decided that I would be doing so, and said that anyone who would not like for their audition to be shown on stream could DM me. However, I realize that this was a very ineffective method especially since the message was listed at the end of the update and since many people most likely did not see the update in the first place. I also assume that many who were open to the idea did not wish to be humiliated in the way that inevitably resulted from the stream. I fully accept this as my own fault and do not wish to excuse this fault in the slightest.
Secondly, it has been assumed by many that I did not at any point listen to all of the auditions - specifically and especially the ones which I went very quickly through in the clip shown in the post. This is also false. I listened to each audition in full when they were submitted or soon after. As a whole, I should have conducted this far more fairly. It was not fair to any auditionee for me to skip through so quickly, regardless of whether or not I had listened to the auditions beforehand, and it was a very hurtful thing to do, especially since many were expecting feedback and ended up receiving the very opposite.
It has also been assumed by many that I did not give any feedback at all. This is false as well. During the first stream I gave feedback to those who were present and requested it - about seven or eight, give or take - and did the best I could to give earnest, genuine and constructive feedback on the auditions. I had initially intended to go through each audition in full, but soon realized that it would take up a significant amount of time and, given that I had listened to each audition beforehand, made the decision to only give feedback to those who made the request, which I disclosed during the stream. I am aware that I am not the most qualified person to be giving this feedback, and disclosed this as well at the beginning of the stream, but I wanted to attempt to do so anyway. This is not in regard to the second stream, in which I realize I said many hurtful things and did not conduct anything in a particularly kind or professional manner. I also, throughout, ended up incorrectly judging people for poor mic quality - this is, again, my own fault, as I am inexperienced with such judgements and ended up being very harsh with these considerations.
I'm going to drop the formalities now and just say that I am genuinely, actually sorry for what I have done. I genuinely did not mean to hurt anyone - which I know is very, very hard to believe, but it's true - and ended up doing so anyway, and I can't undo that. I was unprofessional, inexperienced and conducted every aspect of this very poorly. I was judgemental, and made harmful jokes and was, overall, very unkind and inconsiderate. Whatever I can do to make up for this, I will, but I understand that this is a situation in which not much can be done. I don't ask anyone for their forgiveness, and I don't want this to seem like I'm asking anyone to change their mind about me either. I made a very, very big mistake and I should have been better, and because of that a lot of people were hurt. And, because some people don't seem to believe so, I would also like to say that I have been reading everything you have been DMing me, commenting to me, and replying to the twitter post. I understand very well how much I have affected everyone. You're all justified in your feelings towards me and I don't think you are wrong for any of it.
To each VA, young or veteran, that I have hurt, discouraged, and insulted through what I have done - I am truly sorry. Please understand that this experience is an exception and, as Kai said in their post, this isn't the norm, and you will find better projects. I appreciate anyone and everyone who had taken the time to audition for my own project and I regret that I have treated you all so cruelly in response. I truly do consider all creatives to be incredible, and consider this not my own opinion but a fact when I say that everything you make is wonderful and impressive, and definitely does not - and did not - deserve the kind of treatment that I gave.
Also, I do not know how many people have said this, but I will address it anyway in case anyone else is thinking so.
1) This behavior is not due to my being a faceless streamer. VTubers, PNGTubers, etc., will not be meaner just because they aren't showing their face.
2) This behavior is also completely unrelated to the fact that I am a small creator. I have seen a comment that said that people who start small, stay small, and this is not true. This is not to say that this comment is unjustified towards myself in particular, but I would simply like to clarify that indie or small creators do have the capacity to grow and, again, that my actions are not the norm.
3) I do go by They/Them, and not by any She/Her pronouns, for anyone that would like to use the correct pronouns for me, since my old Twitter page is outdated and currently says She/They.
Besides that, as a whole, I understand fully what I have done and I have seen and know how much everyone was affected - either directly or indirectly - by this. Again, I don't want or ask for anyone's forgiveness, or for anyone to stop expressing things to me, or for anyone at all to change their minds about me. But I know that I owe everyone, at the very least, a proper and genuine apology for all of this, and even that doesn't make up for anything that has happened due to those streams.
If anyone else would like me to address anything specifically, I will gladly do so. I accept full accountability and blame in this situation and do not wish to excuse or dismiss any of it. I am sorry, truly.
Note: Due to the publicity of the twitter post, I will also be posting a screenshot of this to it, as I'm aware that very few people will be checking the CCC.
