The Gentleman and the Hero Hetalia USUK Podfic

(This is Alfred's first email to "The Gentleman," his anonymous partner)

Hey, what's up! :D

You sure work fast! We only got these email addresses like an hour ago and I already got a message from you! You're a total keener huh! XD (You must have had a free period last class if you were able to email me - that means I can narrow down who you are! Jk, I'm too lazy for that kind of detective work. I obviously have a free period right now too, but don't go trying to figure out who I am!)

I didn't think I'd have an email already - I was gonna be awesome and offer you an "unbiased eye" first, but I guess ya beat me to it! Damn.

Well anyway I'm totally happy to talk to you about whatever. Actually personally I kinda have a secret I'd like to get off my chest. But it's a big one, so you have to tell e something first so I know I can trust you. (Jesus, I'm trying to sound all casual about this, but it's making my heart race just thinking about finally telling someone! Please don't laugh!)

And before you think I'm just trying to trick you, I promise I'm totally legit. I know a lot of my friends think the project's stupid. They say they're just gonna use it as a way to play pranks on people - saying they do drugs or whatever. i know one guy who made his email address "[email protected]" so he can try and get personal info out of people. I don't think any of them would actually go through with it (and I'll make sure they don't) but still: kinda douchey of them.

I personally thought the email project was a nice idea. It'll be good to talk to someone who... just someone who doesn't know me, I guess. You have no prejudices about my actions and opinions because you don't know me, and you have no personal interest or investment in my life. So I can get a completely fresh perspective from you. Maybe you can point out some things about me that I've never noticed before. If there's anything you think I should work on, throw me your constructive criticism. I've been trying to improve myself lately. 

I don't know how to convince you I'm being serious about this, but just the fact that I'm using such intense grammar in this email is a big deal. Usually when I text people it's like a minefield of emoticons and no punctuation. But I wanted you to know I'm taking this seriously, and I really want to communicate, you know? I'm sick of talking and never saying anything. I don't know if you've ever felt like that, but that's what it feels like to me sometimes. I actually wanna have a meaningful conversation with someone for a change.

So I'm gonna be good and use lots of commas so that you keep talking to me. And hopefully the two of us can learn all about equality and tear down those walls we built up and live up to the academy's expectations and all that junk!

(Alfred's email address is yourlucky (he meant "you're lucky" as in "you're lucky to be talking to me, but this boi isn't too good at grammar), and Arthur addressed him as "Lucky" in his response email. Now Alfred is being a huge dork.)

Dude. Don't call me Lucky. Like ever!

I think we should have codenames. I'm gonna be 'Captain Awesome!' No, wait: 'THE HERO!' So you have to call me THAT from now on, okay? You can decide what you wanna be next time. 

Look! LOOK! ^^^ Don't you see how I spelled "OKAY" instead of just writing "ok?" I'm being really thoughtful and careful here! Isn't that worth a little faith! You need to trust me too, dude. It works both ways.

I may sound secure and well adjusted, and I'm totally awesome in real life, I swear. But this secret is just so huge it makes me a little weird. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a good weird. It makes me happy and excited and I love it, and I really WANT to tell someone. But it's a big deal and I can't help it, it makes me nervous.

It's... it's about love and stuff, okay? Maybe that'll explain it.

(Lil flash forward to when he tells the secret so I can have more of a range of emotions in this audition)

Anyway, now for my secret. This is something I've wanted to talk about FOREVER but I just haven't had the chance, so thank you for listening/reading me.

Well, here goes:

I'm in love with Arthur Kirkland.

Yeah, the stuffy student council president. THAT Arthur Kirkland.

(Alfred and Arthur are finally meeting in the library, identities revealed. Alfred's explaining why he said so much about Arthur in the emails after figuring out that The Gentleman was Arthur.)

"I was trying to tell you how perfect you are even though you don't know it, alright? Why do you think I kept saying 'Tell Arthur from me' about the shorts? I /knew/ Arthur would be getting the message! I even said 'I don't want another second to go by the Arthur doesn't know that' or whatever. Because I knew another second /wasn't/ going to go by because /Arthur/ was reading it. I wanted you to know! Because you seemed to think Alfred would never like you, but I was trying to explain that /fuck yeah/ he could! I wanted you to know that I think you're amazing. I was trying to give you confidence so we could meet sooner. I've been ready- I was just waiting for you."

(Arthur responds to Alfred's suggestions of code names)

Well it's not /my/ fault you spelt your own email incorrectly. But fine, I suppose I can buy into the codenames - but only to stop you from calling me "dude" incessantly! You sound like a particularly awful teen movie.

I'll be "Anonymous." Anon, for short.

And as for what you said about needing a /person/ to talk to, and not a student who treats this as an assignment... You're right. And I'm sorry, I suppose. (And I nevr say EITHER of those things, lets alone both at the same time, so enjoy it while it lasts.)

And on that note, I suppose I can tell you my secret first. Especially seeing as mine is about "love and stuff" as well. Well, mainly the "stuff" part. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's "love."

It's... God, I know what you mean about being nervous just /thinking/ about telling someone, even if they can't trace it back to you. I've just never said it out loud or written it, and I barely let myself form the words in my own head. But quite frankly it will be a relief to get it out.

And just so you know, I don't need you to give me any advice on the matter. I know the situation is hopeless. I would just really like to /say/ it finally.

I have a crush on Alfred F. Jones.

...You have no idea how extraordinary it is for me to be admitting that. What you have just witnessed is nothing short of surreal, and if you knew who I was and told people what I had just said, they would /never/ believe you.

I'm sorry if you were expecting something a little more exciting. Most people at school are in love with him, and don't bother keeping it secret. I know I said my secret is huge and would make your burden feel lighter in comparison, and I really am sorry if my confession hasn't helped at all. I feel stupid now: I shouldn't have made i seem like the be-all and end-all of secrets, when it's something shared by half the school. But it /is/ big for me, you know? Just because other people feel it, too, doesn't mean it's any less serious for me.

(Alfred mentions that Arthur's shorts are very short and he finds it drives him crazy during gym class. "The Gentleman," of course, is embarrassed about the situation)

I don't think Arthur has ever noticed that his shorts are that short. It can't have occurred to him before, or he certainly wouldn't be wearing them. It's not fair to let him go around making a fool of himself. I do apologise and hope you can forgive me.

What am I wearing? you do realize you make it sound like you're talking to a phone sex worker or a call girl or something... But if you /must/ know, I'm wearing a green cardigan with an argyle print across the chest. I'm still wearing my school trousers because I actually haven't left the school yet to go back to my dorm and change. But I was cold, so I threw on the cardigan which I had with me for just such a purpose. The blazer is too stiff for me to wear when I'm working in the evening.

There, I hope that's enough detail for you, for whatever perverse need this is meant to fulfill.

I hope you enjoyed your Wednesday. I inferred that you still have P.E. class with Arthur these days, you weren't just talking about freshman year, so I assume you had a good time with Arthur and his shorts yesterday. That poor man. I'm sorry it was your last class with the shorts, but I have to tell him he's inadvertently making a fool of himself. I'm sure you understand.

In return, I'll admit that Wednesdays are my favorite, too. For Alfred reasons.

The Gentleman

(In the library, Arthur and Alfred meet and their identities are revealed. Alfred begins to confess his love, but Arthur cuts him off. "Arthur Kirkland, I'm in love with y-")

"No! No, we've been over this - you can't say that to someone unless you know them!"

(Later, Arthur actually pulls a smooth line on Alfred. Here's what's written in the fic, the un-parenthized stuff is what you should read. Don't read any of this! 

All of a sudden, Alfred grabbed Arthur around the shoulders and waist, and dipped him down so low and fast that Arthur had to cling to his neck in fear of falling.

Arthur looked up, and Alfred smiled.

"I can't wait to tell you I love you."

Arthur forgot to pretend to be annoyed. He didn't even feel flustered. With those one of a kind blue eyes gazing at him so deep and sincere, it really was enough to make even Arthur Kirkland give in.

So instead of flailing or scowling, he just chuckled, turning it into a smile as he looked up with hooded eyes.)

(hum happily) "Mmm... Give it a few hours."

Anyways, here's a rough draft of the confession scene. It's not /completely/ fangirlised yet. I don't think I even used the word "trembled" once. "Sparkle" got a few appearances, but come on: nobody would deny that Alfred's eyes actually do that.

I just wanted to give the blank script a little structure and flesh it out with the bare essentials of how they were positioned, when and how they looked at each other, what their voices sounded like when they talked, etc. That way we can get a vague idea of the flow of the scene, and maybe how long it'll be, that sort of thing.

Also, I just couldn't help myself. (I feel that I should mention that, because you know me too well, and are quite capable of reading between the lines of my bullshit to the fangirly truth.)

Obviously it's written in third person point of view so we can get as much descriptive detail as possible - but I also included some good, old Austen-esque, free indirect speech. A.) Their personalities are just /sooo/ enticing to write! And b) I really wanted to get a look at things from both boys' perspectives, so I switched views between the two of them. That way we can get a little of everything: tsuntsun!Arthur, adorkable!Al, sweeping-you-of-your-feet-charming!Al. Make it a full roller coaster ride of attraction for the readers.

However, I had to make some editorial decisions when focusing on the boys' points of view here. I know we're all still undecided about what exactly led to this confession (I mean, they were enemies and then strangers, how did they jump to THIS?). And I know we spent /all/ day analysing the audio, but some of the more confusing comments still need further studying - I mean, the whole "Gentleman" and "Hero" thing (usernames on a website?), and all that stuff about fantasies (just wtf?)...

/WHY, LIZ WHYYY?/ I RUINED /EVERYTHING/! I'm so sorry! I know you all forgive me for knocking those books over but I will hate myself for all of you. /WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY/?

NO TIME 2 EXPLAIN! get 2 founders library NOW! No noise, last isle, greek philosophy. B redy 2 recrd audio. Got vid coverd.

NO TIME 2 EXPLAIN! get 2 cctv room NOW! Bring my laptp meet u ther

Dear students,

It has come to the attention of the staff that cliques are forming amongst the student body at World Academy W. Students are deliberately segregating themselves from each other in a disappointing display of immaturity unbefitting of the high standards we expect of those chosen to attend our establishment.

As an ancient and prestigious international school, World Academy W. boasts a proud reputation for promoting intercultural exchange and understanding among its students. However, this should apply not only tot he inter-racial cooperation and friendships (which we are pleased to note are as strong as ever), but also to the students' tolerance and acceptance of those who are different from themselves in all aspects of life: whether those difference concern hobbies, cultural affiliations, or life choices. It is in /this/ area where the student body is failing to live up to its potential for diplomacy and solidarity.