And welcome back to Eerily Relevant News. My name is Neve R Wong. Our first story tonight, Amy Dwyer, you need to duck in 3…2…1… now! Good job. You don’t want to know what would have happened if you didn’t.

Our next story is an alert for the Eaglekins area. Authorities have reported that, and I quote, “I don’t know, tell the press that there was like a gas leak or something I guess. But make it more clever than that. I don’t know, John, be creative for god’s sake. Are you writing all of this down word for word? Wait, why are you going over to the fax machine. John, stop where you are and don’t send out that memo.”

So, I guess that there is a gas leak in the area, so don’t go outside or something? Oh, and definitely don’t answer the door if a stranger comes knocking.