Make sure you're saying "peculiar" instead of "particular" at the beginning of the read! I liked the foundational energy that is present here (I could tell that you were smiling for parts of the performance). However, overall I didn't feel much excitement from you. Reads like this, especially narrations for kids, should be FILLED to the BRIM with excitement and passion. Articulation is essential as well, so continue practicing that part of your voice-overs to sharpen it absolutely. Keep at it, the foundation is definitely there!