Hey there! With the assignment in mind, I think you might've been able to add a little more energy and enthusiasm to you "sale". That being said, I think you had a good breathing pace going here and kept it consistent the entire way which is impressive!

My main critique for you would be to take a breath, slow down, and work on your articulation. It felt like you were trying to hurry and get through the read instead of taking your time selling this product. After working on that, I would recommend loosening up and using your entire body to really BRING the energy in your performance! Instead of simply talking, try completely embodying the role of a salesman on a stage, filling the entire auditorium with their voice. But yes, I can tell you worked a lot on this read, and it does show with the rehearsed tone. Just remember to make it sound realistic as opposed to a script. Nice work!