I know, it’s a little overwhelming, right? But that’s family. Nice to meet you. I’m Ben, from the groom’s side. All you need to know is that Melissa’s scoping for a man, Jacob will always try to sneak food off your plate, and Grandma Sadie will get you to spill your life story if you sit too close. Oh, and watch out for Jake’s little brother, Jamie. Kid’s got sticky fingers. He gives you any trouble, just get his mom, but don’t let him know it was you who snitched. His revenge gets a little…messy.

So…getting kidnapped is a regular occurrence for you then? Because, you know, if it is, that’s great. Or not? I have mixed feelings on the matter. It’s great because you know what you’re doing. It’s not because I have finals to study for, so when are we getting rescued?

Angry doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feeling. How could you keep this from me? A little honesty goes a long way, or did you not learn that growing up? If I were anyone else, I’d understand why you did it. But I’m me, and you’re you, and this thing between us exists and you completely disregarded it – and for what? Some secret you thought I was better off not knowing? Don’t – don’t touch me. Just…don’t. I’m going for a walk.