Homestuck Dubbing (Comics & Games)

So if I have this straight, the big thing hogging up your plate today is not this marvelous new game which I have invited you to play with me, but finishing a robotic rabbit to give to my dead poppop?

Now that I think about it, she was probably going to disarm it or such when she got back, seeing as her objective had essentially been accomplished already by an ACTUAL assassination attempt.

We potentially have a problem here that is rather significant in size. (Mind Controlled)

I understand you have recently come into possession of the beta release of "The Game of the Year", as featured in respectable periodicals such as GameBro Magazine.

I'm pretty sure I have experience performing literally the exact same task, in a slightly different context. (Rosesprite)

Asking the Jaspers half about this issue would be like showing him two slightly different gray swatches, and asking his opinion on which color to paint the observatory. (Jasperosesprite^2)

Yeah, I know that. I'm practically you, dumbass. All these things we're saying are jokes, including this fuckin' useless clarification.

A man can only spend so much time in the middle of the damn ocean with nothing but popcultural detritus and his own thoughts to keep him company.

I took note of the captcha code to the thing, and recorded a digital flashsnap of its appearance through my photographic silicone memory canals. (AR)

NO CAUSE FOR CONCERN PUTTING TOP AGENT ON IT over

NO PLANS OF LEAVING CURRENT LOCATION YARD CRAWLING WITH CRYPTID VANGUARD over

AFFIRMATIVE ALSO REFRAIN FROM EXCESS CHATTER over

あなたは非常に怒っているように見える。性交をチルアウト。のはお互いに触れてみましょう。私と一緒に投石入手してください。

(You look very angry. Chill out with sexual intercourse. Let us touch each other. Get stoned with me.)

あなたは、どういう意味ですか。それは恋人があなたを裏切ったときに感じる？はい、私は知っている。

(What do you mean? It hurts when your lover betrays you? Yes, I know.)

はい。愛が私には死んでいる。ので、誰かがずっと前に、心臓を介して私を刺した。

(Yes. Love is dead to me. Someone stabbed me through the heart a long time ago.)

iT WAS i THINK SURELY AN AGING ROGUE WHO WAS VERY MUCH KEEN ON INTRUDING BETWEEN YOUR REALLY NICE LOOKING FAMILY

nOW YOU HAVE BEEN PRIMED FOR THE DIGESTIVE RUINATION THAT'S ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE, aND THE COMPREHENSIVE SOILING OF THE LAUNDRY ENVELOPING YOUR PERSON,

i WAS UNDER STRICT INSTRUCTION FROM VRISKA, tO NOT INTERFERE WITH THE TIMELINE MUCH, fOR LOTS OF MONTHS, (Tavrosprite)

yeah... he does that to you too, huh... that's some crazy shit!

oh, hey doll... you were gone a crazy long t1me...

ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit.

KK iim 2orry but really iit2 kiind of a priivate matter between me and her and iid appreciiate iit iif that wa2 re2pected.

the entiire hii2tory of the thiing exii2t2 already iin iit2 entiirety from our per2pectiive, iit2 flow of tiime mean2 nothiing two u2.

I MEAN, IF A BUNCH OF ALIENS STARTED HASSLING YOU, YOU WOULD EXPECT THEM TO ACT REALLY HIGH AND MIGHTY, AND SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY, RIGHT?.

I HAVE SEEN THOUSANDS OF TROLL ROMANCE FILMS, EACH DEALING WITH TOPICS FAR MORE SUBTLE AND COMPLEX THAN YOUR PEDESTRIAN HUMAN MIND COULD EVER GRASP.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU WASTE ALL MY HARD-EARNED GRIST RAMBLING MY HIVE AROUND LIKE THAT NOT EVEN IN THE DIRECTION OF THE FUCKING GATE.

I'll do my best to avoid these topics, or navigate more delicately, if all at possible.

Triggers include 6ut likely will n9t 6e limited t9 class 9ppressi9n, culling culture and vi9lence against gru6s, lusus a6use, c9mplementary and anal9g9us hate speech, pail filling, slurries and 9ther c9ncupiscent fluids, lifespan shaming, a6leist slurs, pr9lix dissertation...

Meenah I missed you soooooooo muuuuuuuch! Why didn't we ever hang out when we were alive???

But, um, if you tried to kill me, shouldn't I be the one to say that to you?

You want me to go fight that guy with you???

We'll get you all caught up on exactly who's been seen passing through the well greased revolving doors to my quadrants.

Word travels fast here. Plenty of gossip.

I guess it's flattering that she wants to talk to me so much though. I guess I don't mind. It's cool.

Yes. The pesky 8lind troll who licks her monitor and smells words and stuff. The one who got you killed. I'm sure of it!

I don't even know, wHICH PARTS OF MYSELF, aRE H8TING, which things???????? (Tavtisprite)

I've 8een keeping an eye on you all for quite a while. Your whole planet, actually. It was very interesting this time around, to say the least.

Jake, I understand this is very much to learn all at once, 8ut do you really want me to keep speaking until I am 8lue in the face?

Not just 8ecause it's helped me get to know her 8etter, 8ut 8ecause it's opened my eyes to things a8out myself I was never really in touch with.

8=D < F*DDLEST*%. Please pardon my utterly e%ecrable language, and unforgivable stammering, your Horseness.

8=D < I am a bale of nerves in your royal presence, and it has been so long.

8=D < Oh, I guess you must not have heard. She and I have developed quite a STRONG and stable moirallegiance recently.

WITH THE MOST RIGHTEOUS MOTHER FUCKING PELVIC APPAREL, THE WICKED ENSEMBLE IS NOW COMPLETE 

LONG LIVE THE ANGEL OF DOUBLE DEATH

wwe had it all set up for her to givve me this thing tonight that probably doesnt evven wwork but yeah maybe that wwasnt the point

obvviously you got rich blood so maybe when you crash landed you wwerent recognized for it by wwhatevver vvehicle upholds the class structure in human society

oh plea2e, a2 iif that loud heavvy 2iigh wwa2nt 2o obvviiou2ly diirected at gettiin my take on your 2HIITTY, BORIING boyfriiend problem2. (Erisolsprite)

You just do w)(at you t)(ink is rig)(t and even if you were wrong t)(e worst t)(at )(appened was you )(elped somebody and )(elped t)(e w)(ole world too!

None of your plots to kill t)(e land dwellers ever work out, and every doomsday device you get your )(ands on turns out to be a piece of junk!

I am really sorry, -Eridan. It )(as just been so )(ard looking after you and keeping you out of trouble!

sayin fish puns is obviously kind of this thing i do stupid G-ET WIT)( T)(-E PROGRAM

i was gonna use it to poke some holes in that girl there and see what happens

an how instead of having this cool friendsy relation with her i just got this uncontrollable urge to stab her to death so she dont threaten my supremacy

i know im not very smart or good at anything but i really am trying my best

this was my fault. im sorry... i had no idea things would go so wrong.

arent you using the tetrarchs tablet? take the piX (pictures) with that and Xmit (transmit) it over

lemme be clear, tho, ionnt have one iota of respect for 'president' jane crocker

now we have to deal with this shit thats just completely impossible to take seriously

ionn think i cann pretend that makinn the fuckinn CAT VERSION of the seer of light a QUEEN is a good idea

Queen Jasprose might not be the most... stable leader, but every minute she's occupying the president is a minute she's not rollin' back our legal protections!

But then this Crocker comes along and just blusters straight into the clutches of all've the grimy filthy rich regressives!

Look. When we get back from this, things are gonna be even crazier. Press in our faces, the whole nine yards.

Shhh! 

right now i'm in my mom's house with my girlfriend, her boyfriend, and another god damn version of my girlfriend, and all of us are probably now on the run from the fucking GOVERNMENT!!!!

i may have told him more about my deep passions and emotions in the last hour than the whole rest of my life combined, just to keep him from hearing the fucking news.

if he finds out you're here then he will definitely put two and two together, so PLEASE just keep quiet and let me do the talking.

Yeah, I guess we shouldn’t just leave a dead 8eloved Religious Figurehead laying around in the 8ushes, even if he Sucks Shit.

There’s a Reason we don’t make out at your house Tavros, and it’s 8ecause the vi8es are a8solutely fucking rancid in there, thanks to your mom.

Hell, I'm so Unconcerned that I think I'm going to start just calling him Harry from now on! It'll Save Everyone a lot of Valua8le Time!

It is somewhat pleasant to be reminded,,, in my darker moments,,,, that the grass is not really ever greener on Alternia,

The reflection of high school I saw in the cinema has, uhh,,,, direly misrepresented the amount of shenanigans that transpire in the hallways,,

I turned my phone off immediately upon aiding and abetting murderers,, since mother most certainly has tracking capabilities for it,

Grrrrrr..

I'm sick and tired of that fucking Crocker, she's a huge bitch.

I know she's your mom and all, but she fed me out of a dog bowl!

i might even get sponsorship offers after this, not to mention photo commission work, and with the news on their way? #freeexposure

Silas, if you turn around and use the wall you'll do a much more effective soleus stretch #anklemobility #tensiontherapy

im not really sure how main characters manage to keep their strength up to get more than a few chapters into the story. #honestly

I didn't take the fucking picture, I don't even know why I'm here, so why don’t you get off my ass about it??

I thought it was because you finally realized you could do something to help three people make it out of this war alive instead of sit back and profit off posting about their deaths, but I guess not! 

You got called out about caring more about your likes than actually standing up for something that matters, and then you followed me out the window your own damn self!

Golden boy Thorpe here rustles up a few thousand new followers, and Tavros Crocker’s social standing is down in the shitter far as my ma’s concerned.

Not that we've escaped by any means, since it's lookin’ like this whole mess is getting bigger than our school, but a gal's gotta rest her gams.

He’d never say what he meant, he’d just wait for you to understand, and he wouldn’t ask for a thing if he wanted it, he’d wait for you to guess what it was.

i know yoU coUld never fUlly appreciate what this actUally meant, bUt i took mUch care to sync Up these conversations with yoU on the same day that i begin playing as well.

oh, it's jUst i'm rUnning a bit behind schedUle. i wanted to coordinate with yoUr groUp in something approximating real time, and that is starting to look less likely.

in a story of the end, which events preceding the final moment itself shall be considered extraneous? (Alt Callie)

It is your birthright! You ought to give it a read when you have a moment. Particularly the first several pages!

So you see why you had to build in the first place, John? You must have a little faith in your dear old nanna!

John, you remind me so much of your father when he was your age. He was just as easily bested by this crafty old prankstress!

Rose im just a cat and i dont know much but i know that youre important and also you are what some people around here call the Seer of Light.

Rose did you get to do any of the things that are important to your quest that i said?

Purr purr purr.

JOHN YOU DO NOT SAY NO TO COOKIES. I COMMAND YOU TO GET THEM

john, stop talking to the gray text not human immediately.

If I have to put up with one more smug meandering interlude in my own story I am going to crack your head open and serve you a heaping bowl full of your downy soft puppet ass.

You won that game of chess with that stupid gambit. Switching the hats, remember? It was a lame ploy, and totally not in the spirit of the rules, but it got under her skin enough to force a loss anyway.

What the hell? Looks like he's had the disc repaired for a while already, but didn't tell us. Motherfucker just loves the sound of his own voice.

I'm delivering this message through the console of one of my numerous unwitting proteges to give you a word of advice, and then you will not hear from me again.

It's also logical, since there is essentially nothing new in paradox space. Everything that can happen is either a visual or substantive reproduction of something which has already transpired on a timeline, offshoot or otherwise.

If the falsehood is never exposed, there is no punchline. If the punchline is never delivered, the lie is sealed forever, regardless of initial humorous intent. Lies are not funny.

Greetings.

I guess... that's fair. I'm defiantly not a hero.

Making friends with people when we know how their story ends isn't something we're equipped to do.

Yeah. You're smart. That's why I like you, MSPAReader.

Happy birthday son. I am so proud of you.

Daughter. If you are reading this, it means you are strong enough to lift the fridge. You have truly become a mature, powerful woman. I have never been more proud. 

Champ. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. I believe in you.

 Use ballpoint pen to roll up tip of cloth. Extract pen, Press rolled cloth against ceramic surface, e.g. restroom sink. In future: consider repositioning hat hook, and/or coffee pot.

 Was postuning unevenly to reach for hat on wall hook. Tip of tie slipped in open mouth of pot. Duration of “dunk”: approx, 3 seconds. 

Decided to return home to receive fresh tie. Sollied tie will be laundered immediately upon return. 

Hold fast, my intrepid fellow prank-smiths! We’ve merely nicked the mahogany of our japing chests.

 Do you have a bothersome aunt who never seems troubled to find ways with your sunny afternoons? A broad, splintery fence - a bucket of whitewash, perhaps?

And what of that tawny gent who puts his lackadaisical lean near the sarsaparilla font? You’ll have that listless octoroon find the spring in his step just yet!