Calmer Chameleons Podcast

Calmer Chameleons Podcast

Project Overview

Hello! I'm looking for voice actors (male and female) to help me bring life to an array of a characters for a new project called Calmer Chameleons. Calmer Chameleons is a comedy podcast which features a large variety of characters and situations. There is no real agenda other than to entertain the listener. Because of the fast-paced comedic nature of the show, there will be multiple opportunities for voice actors to get involved and showcase their talents! 


I am the chief writer for the podcast, and as such, I have a mountain of scripts that are just begging for a voice. I would be interested to hear from you if you feel that you can bring any of these sketches and characters to life in an entertaining way. 


Here's a quick FAQ to hopefully answer some of your questions upfront: 


WHY THE NAME CALMER CHAMELEONS? 


In all honesty, I just felt it was a funny pun. However, if you sit down and analyse it, as the podcast has little to no continuity, the nature of the show tends to change it's colours from sketch to sketch, Okay, I'm reaching, but that's the name and that's what we're sticking with!


WHERE CAN I LISTEN TO CALMER CHAMELEONS?


The first episode of the podcast is scheduled to go live in April, so you can't listen to it right now. I have enough material to launch the first two episodes, but I'm looking to line up some voice actors and collaborators ahead of time and get a number of episodes under our belts before launch.


However, if you'd like a taster as to what style(s) of humour we're going for, you can check out our freshly-created YouTube channel here:


https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo10cU-BzBapmUTyAn_m_RA


IS THIS A PAID PROJECT? 


While I would love nothing more than to pay people fairly, it's just not something I can do right now. The podcast has not started yet, but once it gains a bit of steam, I'm hoping to monetise through Patreon. If this takes off, I'll be able to afford to pay people or offer backpayments for regular contributors. I hope this doesn't put you off applying. 


WHY SHOULD I APPLY IF IT IS UNPAID? 


That's a justified question. My hope is that Calmer Chameleons will help aspiring or amateur voice actors get a body of work under their belts. You'll be able to use these clips as part of showreels and auditions for other work. It shouldn't be a huge time-investment on your part either, as you will generally be performing short sketches.


WHAT KIND OF VOICES ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? 


At this moment in time, anything. I have a variety of characters from all genders, races and ages. As a guide I have included some sample roles below that I'm keen to pair up with the right voice actor. Even if the ones below do not sound up your alley, get in touch anyway. Your voice could be exactly what I'm looking for in future! 


HOW CAN I GET IN TOUCH?


If you are specifically interested in one of the roles below, then you can audition through the site as usual. However, you can also contact me at [redacted]. Just send me an MP3, link to Soundcloud or Dropbox/Google Drive with your files on and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Any further questions, get in touch via the same email address.


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Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Children's TV Narrator
open
Unpaid

This would be a short series of sketches (5 or 6 episodes worth). I'm looking for a narrator that has a kid's TV quality to their voice (I'm thinking 70's British TV, but open to all submissions). The Narrator speaks to the titular Noomies (think Moomins) who, rather than being delightful fairy tale characters they appear to be, run a drug cartel. Over the course of the series, the narrator will muscle in on their business.

  • Down
    at the bottom of the garden, in amongst the shrubberies, you may see something
    unusual; magical even. Visible only by the light of the moon, you may see, The
    Noomies! Why, I think I can see them now. Say hello, Noomies!

  • What’s
    that Little Noomie? Big Noomie has been injecting heroin into his urethra? What
    do you have to say for yourself Big Noomie!?

  • That’s
    right Big Noomie. Today we’ve learned that things always go a little smoother
    if we just learn to share. Goodnight Noomies!

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
ASMR
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: imfun_iswear

I need someone with a soothing, soft voice for a parody ASMR sketch. The idea is that, while supposedly being a soothing audio experience, the actual content is quite stressful for the listener, describing stressful situations and such. Open to this being a male or female voice as it could work either way.

  • Hello,
    my name is xxxxx, and I’m here to tell you about A S M R, or as us pros call
    it, Azthmer.

  • It
    describes the tingling feeling you’re getting from hearing my unique, soft,
    gentle voice.  It can also be achieved by
    listening to tender touches on particular surfaces, such as tapping the lid of your
    grandma’s coffin.

  • Azthmer
    is an analgesic of audio origin; a perfect antidote to the hectic and chaotic
    lives that we all experience. It’s a safe space where the stresses of your
    daily life can be washed away, like a urinal cake sliding to the end of the
    trough.

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Jim Carlton
closed
Unpaid
Role assigned to: jrlarson

Chat show host that pretends to interview guests, but the show is just a vehicle for the host to tell jokes and perform light entertainment skits. Guests are invited solely to draw in audiences and sit around looking pretty, so Jim will interrupt his guest constantly with asinine comments and quips.

  • Hello and welcome to the final part of the Jim Carlton Interview
    Hour! It’s time for us to welcome our next guest, and it’s such a great honour
    to have her here with us tonight! She’s known as the country’s most successful
    female sports personality, leading the women’s football team to world cup glory
    this year! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Rebecca Nicholls!

  • It
    is such a privilege to have you on my sofa! I have so many questions to ask you
    that’s it’s difficult to know where to begin!

  • Female
    inspirations, of course! Who were your biggest female sporting icons? ...Is
    what I will be asking you shortly, but first, we have a segment where we read
    out Tweets from the audience! 

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Miranda
open
Unpaid

Miranda is hosting a dinner party in her new house. One of her friends arrives, but soon finds out that there are a lot of weird house rules to contend with. I don't really have a particular voice in mind, so feel free to experiment.

  • Oh, by the way, would you mind taking your shoes off? We’re into the whole “taking shoes off” thing. It’s one of those little rules we have in our house.

  • Come on Carl, it’s a party! Everyone else will be naked.

  • Please try not to float into the walls. You’re knocking the pictures off.

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Nikki Practice
open
Unpaid

Nikki is a nurse who deals with a multitude of disgusting and gross things in her day job. Unfortunately for her family, she has a tendency to share too much over the dinner table. This is potentially a recurring character.

  • And that's when the puss started oozing out from under his toenail, like a geyser underneath a glue factory.

  • In the end, we could only lure the worm out with bacon. Cooked bacon at that, which made the patient both woozy and a little hungry at the same time.

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Barnes
open
Unpaid

Officer Barnes is a parole officer. In this sketch he tries to trick the prisoner into acting violent so he can deny him parole. As a result, I imagine Officer Barnes to take pleasure in his own authority and other's misfortune, which would hopefully come across in his voice.

  • Williams…Williams… ah yes, found you! So, we’re here to discuss the terms of your impending release into the community. The panel here will need to hear evidence of your reform and…yadda yadda yadda. So, go on. Convince us! Why should you get parole?

  • So you’ve picked up a few words? People on the outside have thesauruses buddy! What else have you done?

Voice Actor
Voice Actor
Guy Parsley
open
Unpaid

Guy Parsley is a renowned author who, ironically, cannot actually read. In this sketch he is doing a reading of his latest in a book shop. As he introduces the book he appears quite arrogant about his work (1st Line), then by the end he's reading his novel out loud like a toddler learning to read (line 2). I imagine he'd have an English RP voice, but if you can voice him another way I'd love to hear it.

  • Thank you, thank you. It means a lot to receive such an array of adoration. No doubt most of you are here today to sample of slither of my latest story, which we will get onto shortly. However, I wanted to preface the reading by giving you a little context to it, and to perhaps pull back the curtain on my creative process somewhat.

  • The…man…sat…on the…couch…he said…”this is…com-comfitib-confortable”. The wo-woman…fetched…a cup of…tea and she…said “H-Hello. I…hope you had…a…nice day” he said…”yes…yes I did…tank…thanks”. He…drunked…drinked…his tea and did a…burp. “Woo-whoops! Sorry” he said. “It is o-o-okay” she said. It is po-pol…polite.

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