Fun Uncle/Aunt , Magical Menace

“I would like to call on the leniency of the jury. Not because I didn't know what I was doing. I knew what I was doing. Although please keep in mind that it wasn't actually me who killed Dave. I didn't shoot at anyone or anything. I just helped with the kidnapping. I may be an accessory to murder, but a minor accessory like...what's a minor accessory? Like a barrette. It's true I helped keep him hostage, but I had a good reason for all my actions. Revenge. Revenge is, I believe, a good reason to do things. It may get you arrested but my hope is that you, my peers, understand and appreciate the importance of revenge and will be lenient on me. Because when it comes down to it, all of my actions were motivated by revenge. When you take away a man's ability to support himself, don't you expect him to fight back? And so I did. Murder might have been too strong a way to fight back, but I hope you will understand my impulses, if not the severity of my actions. Thank you. Also, I would like to say to those who try to copycat me and kidnap CEOs--I would not do that. I think it is a bad idea despite the manifesto I wrote saying it was a good idea. I no longer believe this manifesto. I am penitent and see the errors I have made in the past. But I was trapped. The system is against us. That much is clear. It is against you whether or not you break the law. It is just against you. I think this is bad for a system. Thank you. Please be lenient. Cool. Thanks.”