Dark Road Diaries Episode 5
Margo Rogers for Auto Attendant
An unnervingly cheerful automated voice for the infernal bureaucracy, the auto attendant handles possession claims, binding disputes, portal incidents, and “the nature of your damnation” with the soulless politeness of a customer-service phone tree from Hell. Should sound calm, blandly professional, and relentlessly chipper, making the absurd horror of the situation funnier by never acknowledging how terrifying it is. Think “corporate IVR system,” but for demons.
- english
- female adult
- english (american)
For possession services, say “possession.” For binding disputes, say “binding.” For portal-related incidents, say “portal.” For all other inquiries, please briefly describe the nature of your damnation.
Recognized categories include owner, holder, claimant, witness, tempter, sponsor, adversary, guarantor, and next of kin.
Thank you for contacting the Office of Transitional Occupancy and Vessel Management. Your damnation is important to us.
