The Homestuck Renaissance Troupe
Soni for Dirk Strider
Oh, Dirk, our darling prince, our valiant hero-turned-villain(!?!). We love him and all his flaws. An ideal Dirk can balance his vulnerability with his desperate need to control himself and the others around him viewing said vulnerability. Pretending his emotions aren't there while simultaneously being at the mercy of them every second.
HC: Southern accent required. Rose says he sounds like a gayass cowboy and I need that vibe, dang it.
POST-CANON: Dirk on the manic episode of a lifetime. He needs to be so smug and smarmy, everyone is itching to slap him through the screen every time he speaks. He will also need to narrate any Epilogues scenes, and should lapse into an impassive Narrator™ voice (no accent) when he's not making his narrative bending abilities known.
NOTES: May include voicing every Dirk splinter, such as Brain Ghost Dirk, Ult Dirk, and possibly Lil Hal (younger, slightly/exaggerated robotic delivery) and Bro (deep and stilted)
- male teen
- male adult
- american (southern)
- male young adult
You should try to be more polite to me. Seeing as I am a representation of your entire mind, I have complete control over all your basic functions. I could trigger a particularly spirited bowel movement right before she gets here, so watch your step. [Pause] Just kidding, dude. Jesus. I would never make you shit your pants in front of a girl you liked, even if she does happen to be my chief competition. We Dirk splinters can be pretty Machiavellian but we do actually have some fuckin' standards.
[Mental breakdown to end all mental breakdowns:] Ok, we're the same person! I fucking know that! Why do you think I'm so fed up with your shit? Don't you think it's possible that I'm fed up with my OWN shit?? How cool do you think it is having my own godawful personality mirrored back at me all the time, reminding me what it must be like when other people have to deal with me? Or constantly having all the consequences and fuckups resulting from my batshit thought processes amplified because there's another version of my crazy brain out there dangerously overclocked by a supercomputer which believes, just as mistakenly as my own broken mind, that it's operating in my best interest??? Do you have any idea how fucking sick I am of myself?
Ult Dirk, as Narrator] She says this in a hollow tone. It’s the disarming voice a puppeteer ventriloquizes for a marionette. Dirk catches her cheek as she slides into sleep. It’s difficult for the untrained ear to spot the exact moment in their conversation when the words she was saying stopped being hers and started being his. Or maybe they were her words. Does it really matter? In many respects, they’re basically the same person, aren’t they? Kindred spirits in blood and perspective, the puppet masters of the respective games they like to believe they’re playing. [As Ult Dirk, smug:] But you already knew that, right? Anyone paying attention could have guessed by now who’s really telling this story. You’re not so innocent either. I’ve caught you leering at some pretty personal moments. Are you having fun being a voyeur? Just violating the shit out of everyone’s privacy? Are these teenage romantic entanglements panning out the way you wanted? They never do.
