"Have you ever – either while walking home in the rain, but most probably running to school because you were late – found yourself casually strolling to school at the same time someone else was running – only to accidentally collide with or be the victim of a collision involving a member of the opposite gender?"

"And instead of holding out your hands as though to break your fall, have you ever found yourself putting your hands directly in front of your chest as though you were catching a football, thereby putting your repulsive, uninvited male tendrils on the bosom of a voluptuous, clearly overdeveloped for her age woman, thereby squeezing her enchanting plump orbs in your hands? After which said voluptuous woman with enchanting monumental mountains of heaven spares a moment of her time to beat the image out of you mind?"