Get ready for Bribera Berry's charity game night! Introducing tonight's guests: banned in 66 countries for her carcinogenic properties, it's Asbestos Le Guin!

Sacre bleu! Ooh la la! Son of a bitch! It appears my rival presidential candidate has come here not to participate in a fun and friendly trivia contest, but to end my sweet little life! How do we feel about that, voters?

Smashing. Now it's time for the final challenge, which is a sudden death round! As the President of the United States, you will face a variety of stressful situations. You will have to fight bears. You will have to wrestle alligators. You will have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. There will be death, tragedy and betrayal! There will be terror and intrigue! There will be assassination attempts, most certainly, perhaps numbering into the hundreds. And you must be ready for all of these things. Which is why I am going to throw you in my maximum security jail cell, recently featured in Homes and Gardens UK for its tasteful furnishings and charming sage green colour scheme. Your execution is in one hour. Toodlepip!