Kids, I'm going to be blunt and honest with you. When I opened Camp Campbell all those years ago, I had one goal and one goal only. To create the most popular and successful summer camp in the world! But times have changed. Things like the internet, video games, and the Affordable Care Act are ruining this great country of ours, and the children of today just aren't interested in a traditional summer camp.

Oh, you kids and your dreams! So full of hope and ignorance! Someday, you'll learn that no matter how righteous you think you're cause is, there's always someone bigger to keep you down! And that day is today, and that someone is me.

But what makes this camp so special is that it has the heart and ambition to be all of those camps while still providing the individual attention that each child deserves! Whether it be Nerd Camp for... Neil? Or Adventure Camp for- Girl Neil! And if my words aren't enough to convince you, then I'll prove it!