A totally not shady character who definitely does not have ties with the not-at-all evil Monkey Watch company. But what is a monkey watch, you ask? Well, it's a "toy" not made using monkeys genetically bred to be as small as a dime (that would be crazy unethical!), will bring happiness to those who wear it (trust us, we asked professionals!) and will tell you the time (if you can read monkeys, that is)!

The salesman would have a stereotypical boastful salesperson voice, like the one who would sell you a "lightly used" car that was actually used in a high speed police chase 'round a city.