Halo: Celestia, A Halo Audio Drama (New Role Added!)
mitchlawrenceva for Thomas Darren
Thomas Darren is a young man whom was taken in by a cargo pilot whom runs shipments for anyone who pays. He is in his late teens or so, and has a bit of a guilt factor to his tone of voice. He is currently learning in a sort of internship under Captain Faux on how to be a pilot, and sees him as a sort of father figure. He can be relatively soft spoken to others, unless it is Leonard Copplin, whom he has a sort of sibling tone towards.
"Afternoon sir. Actually, I was thinking I will just obsere some more today, if it's all the same to you....I apologize for the inconvenience, sir. I'm just feeling a bit under the radar today."
(Alright, quick update on this line. I had a question about what this line is supposed to mean, so heres a explanation so it is easier to understand. So, in this scene, the ship is entering the planet's atmosphere. When the clouds dissapear and the crew is looking down to the planet's surface, one of the characters notes, "There she is. Beautiful, ain't she, kid?". To the rest of the crew, they've seen the planet plenty of times, and it's lost the effect on them. But for Thomas, someone who's never traveled around before, let alone to the Outer Colonies, he is awestruck by the beauty of the landscape. Imagine Rey from The Force Awakens when seeing 'so much green'. It's in a simular veign to that scene. Thomas, while being awestruck by the beauty he is seeing on the planet's surface, is slightly shocked that the other character doesn't sound more excited. If you have any questions about this line in particular, please feel free to ask me further.)
"Well, yeah. I've never seen this side of the colonies before."
(shocked)
"...You gave weapons to terrorists?..."
(panicing; Think you just spilled beer on your date during the first date)
"Oh my- I'm so sorry-"
Nice. I especially loved the "You gave weapons to terrorists" line where it was almost whispered. It seemed like a natural response. Really good. Did you watch the video out of curiosity?
No I did not, unfortunately. Aside from quality, which I'll remedy as I'm using a new microphone setup, what feedback do you have?
When you say, "I apologize for the inconvenience, sir" you kind of raise your voice. I would just keep the same tone throughout. Other than that, when you do the panaking line, make it sound more like you're panicking. St udder a little. Improvise if you have to. Make it sound real.