Young's Infinite City
Matthew Thompson for Ron LeMieux
15 lines. Age 40-60. A conservative political pundit who co-hosts a crossfire-esque show with an America-first perspective. Think Alex Jones or Tucker Carlson. He and his partner are a political Statler and Waldorf.
- male adult
- all american accents
Ron lines only: MERRICK We all got a press release two days ago from Natural Law claiming making some big announcement about the M4. I think that's the thousandth time in eight years that I've heard that. Then MISTER Adamu gave some three-minute press conference to spew out some fake promises. RON If I hear one more word about the M4, I'm going to lose my mind. (beat) So we’ve got an absentee CEO who refuses to step forward and clean up her own mess, and we’ve got the American government too chicken to show the world that we’re the big dog in this fight. It’s infuriating. Ron takes pause and changes tone so something that approximates a rational human being. RON All right. I’m going to say something controversial, but hear me out. The M3 is dissolving as we speak. It’s like that fish in Old Man and the Sea, not that anyone out there is going to know that the hell that is. Anyway, this thing is going to fizz all the way down to a bar of soap in a couple of weeks anyway, and then no one’s going home with anything. (beat) Let’s just let one of them have it. One of the piddling countries like the URK, just to stick it to China and Russia. Let it be their problem. MERRICK (gets where Ron's going) I couldn’t agree more. America should just walk away from this fight and let someone else handle it. RON Let America be the one that brokers the peace. The two give it a moment and BURST INTO LAUGHTER.