I love how positive and supportive your critique is while still usefully pointing out where I need to improve.  The speed and hesitation are consistent problems for me.  I have a bit of a habit of inserting pauses into my daily speech because sometimes I can't process what I'm saying as fast as I'm saying it, or I'm having trouble articulating exactly how to phrase what I'm saying.  When I record, I become hyper-aware of that and probably end up getting in my own way.  The speed is a result of nerves, and I was actually trying to slow myself down in the submitted take.  Taken together, I end up rerecording several times because I trip over the script.