Welcome to the first day of your exciting new career! Whether you were approached at a job fair, read our ad at Screws, Bolts, and Hairpins, or if this is the result of a dare, we welcome you. I will be your personal guide to help you get started. I’m a model 5 of the Handyman’s Robotics and Unit-Repair System, but you can call me Hand-Unit. Your new career promises challenge, intrigue and endless janitorial opportunities. Please enter your name as seen above the keypad. This cannot be changed later so please be careful. It seems that you had some trouble with the keypad. I see what you were trying to type, and I will auto-correct it for you. One moment. Welcome: Eggs Benedict. You can now open the elevator using that bright, red and obvious button. Let’s get to work!

Welcome back to another pivotal night of your thriving new career, where you get to really ask yourself, "What am I doing with my life?", "What would my friends say?", and most importantly, "Will I ever see my family again?". We understand the stresses of a new job, and we’re here for you! To help you reach a more stable and relaxing frame of mind, we offer several musical selections to help make this elevator ride as relaxing and therapeutic as possible. We offer contemporary jazz, classical rainforest ambiance as well as a wide selection of other choices.     Using the keypad below, please type the first few letters of the musical selection you would prefer. It seems you had some trouble with the keypad. I see what you were trying to type, and I will auto-correct it for you. Thank you for selecting: Casual Bongos. Now that your elevator experience has been customized to your needs, and your thoroughly relaxed, it’s worth mentioning that due to your lackluster performance yesterday, your pay has been decreased by a substantial amount. Please enjoy the rest of your descent.

Welcome back to your last day on the job! That is, the last day of your first week. some of the most valued qualities that we like to see in new employees are determination, fearlessness and a genuine disregard for instinctive self-preservation. You’ve earned your one-week bonus which will be given to you in the form of a delightful gift basket, the cost of which will be taken out of your next paycheck. We’ve gift-baskets containing fruit, nuts, flowers, and of course, the ever-popular cash-basket. Using the keypad below, please enter the first few letters of the gift basket you would like to receive. It seems you had some trouble with the keypad. I see what you were trying to type, and I will auto-correct it for you. Thank you for selecting: Exotic Butters. Please be aware that there are still two technicians on-site today. Try to avoid interfering with their work if possible. Also, feel free to ask them why they are still there, and encourage them to go home.