Your voice is great, it suits the story. I love how calm yet enthusiastic you were able to sound at the same time! The only thing I personally noticed was the speed when you listed the things Peter drew/made. I recommend slowing down when you get to the commas, other than that it was really good!

Your main weakness in this performance is your "T" sounds. "Peter," "pattern," etc. should be REALLY stressed and articulated, even to the point of sounding unnatural. Our goal is to work out this muscle of VO to the fullest, so that if we need to hold back, we can do so. The foundation of your energy is there, but I do think you could raise your overall base energy level to excite your listeners and make them want to continue listening to your story. This was good read, just make sure you keep practicing these core elements of voice-over! Good stuff.