I love the energy present! That's such an important part of doing a narration read for kids. Make sure you pronounce each and every word both clearly and correctly (you said "particular" instead of "peculiar"!). Articulation is the most important aspect of VO for most clients, and if you go fast with the pacing like you did here, sometimes certain words can be hard to understand/pronounced less clearly. The energy is great like I mentioned, just make sure you keep it up and even build upon it throughout the performance. Well done!