Make sure you are saying each and every word clearly, such as "Padderton" and "peculiar," as clarity in VO is one of the most important aspects that potential clients look for. I noticed this especially at the end of the read, with "all tha maddered" instead of "all thaT maTTered." I love the way you built up energy as certain points in the script, but I think you could overall raise your energy levels by a LOT. It almost sounds like you a whispering, which adds a unique flavor to the take, but the level of true excitement isn't quite there yet. I want to feel the passion that you are trying to convey through the story, and by projecting more and adding more flavor overall, this can be achieved with ease. Good work, this was fun!