Good attempt, mate! Gentle and clear read, though a few stumbles with some words along the way. The style is quite equivalent to commercial reads, to my untrained ears anyways. The more obvious gripe would be the tone of read, in which I felt like it was read to a classroom from a weekend homework. Well, I mean it is, but I think it could have benefitted better with a softer approach.

Great work! I would recommend working more on your articulation, especially in the following homework submissions. The T sounds in "Peter" for example and the D sounds in "Padderton" could definitely be empasized more and brought to their clearest level. Obviously we don't want it to sound unnatural, but luckily for narration reads like this, overarticulating actually works especially in our favor as voice actors. From there, don't be afraid to raise your energy levels to bring more excitement and passion for your audience. Nicely done.