Interesting approach with going along the route of a child reading the script. It feels authentic and raw, which helps it to stand out.

Great work! I love the enthusiasm, especially for the final paragraph. There was a small blip in the third paragraph at "last night", but other than that it sounded very clear.

I really liked the way you paced yourself throughout this take. The read is obviously a kind of narration-script for children, and that exact tone shone through the performance. My recommendation for you is to bring more passion and excitement. Your voice sounds great, but it more or less remains the same from start to finish. Having a build-up in the story would make your listeners more eager to listen to the entire thing. Also, your articulation was mostly fantastic, but make sure every little sound is pronounced to the fullest, like "pottery." You're making great progress, good job!