And before I could think twice, I jumped onto his back, monkey style, and dug my fingers in his hair, ready to pull it all out. But I noticed something, a fact which slithered into my mind despite the blinding rage that clouded all logic. His hair was soft, extraordinarily soft, and thick. It wouldn’t be right to try and pull it out. It just wouldn’t. So I opted to try and choke him instead. I didn’t really know how though, so it was a bit of a disaster waiting to happen.

My story starts when I was running in the woods, desperate to lose the soldiers on my tail. I guess my story truly starts at birth, but the first bit of my life was really boring; raised by a grandmother, discovered mushrooms at a young age, so on, so forth, so we’ll just skip ahead to the woods.

Pah! You’re the worst of them all! Threatening me and forcing me to get this mushroom for you, and allowing evil people with knives to threaten me under your very roof! Those scoundrels!