Oh, be honest, Andy… if Brian came walking up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do?  I mean picture this, you’re there with all the sports.  I know exactly what you’d do, you’d say hi to him and when he left you’d cut him all up so your friends wouldn’t think you really liked him! ‘Cause I’m telling the truth, that makes me a b—? (to Bender) Okay, what about you, you hypocrite! Why don’t you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit parties?  Or take Brian out to the parking lot at lunch to get high?  What about Andy? For that matter, what about me? What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall together. They’d laugh their a— off and you’d probably tell them you were doing it with me so they’d forgive you for being seen with me. I hate you!

Shhh! Please. I’m sorry, but we’ve got to be very quiet, or we’ll frighten the spirits away! Come, let’s everyone hold hands. You too, Becky. Let’s close our eyes and think. (Pause) What do you suppose Becky’s mother would want to say to her? I think she’d say a bit about where she is now, where there are fields and fields of flowers, and a soft wind is always blowing. And if spirits can float around where they like, and I believe it’s true, perhaps Becky’s mama is in this room with us right now. And what do you think she would say?

You were nothing before you met me! You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn! You were a Brownie, you were a Bluebird, you were a Girl Scout Cookie! I got you into a Remington Party! What’s my thanks? It’s on the hallway carpet. I get paid in puke! (totally in control) Monday morning, you’re history. I’ll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerburg’s going to let you play their reindeer games.