I think the voice is good and lean more toward the second version than the first though I think both are overall good. This is not a request for a retake but feedback since you asked: Be more laid back in your emotion, more applicable to the second two lines. Sandbar's a chill guy and trying to get the others to relax too.
Would you like a redo with those implications based on your feedback cause I will gladly provide if you'd like me too. If not just let me know. Thank you for your feedback and I hope to be a part of this project.
Sure, go for it.
There ya go I submitted the retake. Let me know if that's any better